Dating after a very hurtful break up. What to do?

I"m probably wanting to whine about this too much on this site but it's very hard for me. The story is I got my heart broken for the first time. Right after that quite a few guys asked me out knowing I just got dumped. I didn't reject any of them but let most of them know I'm not ready for this now and there's no point in trying to get to me.

After all the bad things my ex did to me... I'm scared to get into something again. But I want to move on and heal from this cause I just can't keep crying over this it's gonna ruin me. It's been 20 days since the break up. We've had no contact after it. I've been seeing my friends, keeping myself busy, went on two dates with two different guys but they didn't work out good. There are a couple of guys I'd actually like to be with. Like I want to go out with them and see what happens and I'm hoping something will work out. However I don't know how to do that.

What do I do on a date now? How do I get over my past experience... I look at things like it's my relationship with my ex... I don't think I'm over him, but like I said I desperately want to heal cause I'm becoming an excuse for what I used to be... This is killing me emotionally, every time I'm alone and have nothing good to do my ex pops up in my head and I start crying again.

How do I act with the new guy? How do I open up to him. How do I start a new relationship (doesn't have to be that serious) after having my first real relationship with someone I love end in such a disaster for me...


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What Guys Said 1

  • You actually need quite a bit of time alone to get perspective on what you learned and how to apply in the future. Trying to date other guys while in such an emotional state is a bad idea, because you'll never be committed to any of them and eventually you will realize you want time alone. Then they become your rebound.

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    • But I don't want something serious with them. I want a short relationship.. I'm not sure what a rebound is but if that's what it is then wouldn't it be good to have one? I can't stay like this I have to move on, something has to happen with someone else... Is a rebound a bad thing?

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    • I dated a girl who was only 3 months removed from a 2 year relationship, I didn't know it at the time until we had already been dating. 3 months into ours, she dumped me, but wanted to string me along because she said I was a good guy and she didn't want to lose me while she went out and had fun. I haven't talked to her in 5 years now. I could have gone out and done the same thing, but I learned from it, and I can recognize the signs I'm getting into something bad now.

    • It's not like that. doesn't happen that way with me. I'm not gonna hurt anyone, or lead him on. I guess I do need more time. But you keep in mind I'm very respectable.

What Girls Said 1

  • I would say that 20 days is not that much to be ready for new dating...and also I think that you are still not over your ex and what is the most important you didn't let him go in your mind...till you don't do that you will be ending in remembering him and crying again. My advice is to give yourself more time to heal...it seems not enough for you these 20 days. and then when you can remember you ex in calm way and without any strong emotions you can try with someone new...

    with you to be strong and I m sure everything will be alright with you and you will be happy again :)

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    • Thank you! :) I hope everything works out... I"m just having a hard time dealing with this.

    • I understand you so well...and I actually still can't move on so you see - you are stronger than me...keep it on ;)

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