Dating tips for 35+ please? Don't call me old!

Hey there...I am looking for dating tips for the over 35 crowd...

I feel like I am not good at dating these days. I was in a very long term rel. that dragged down my self esteem. I truly want to meet someone of quality and get married. I am interested in what makes men want to commit. I am good at attracting men...but have not had a boyfriend since my abusive ex. This rel. broke my heart and shattered my confidence. The over 35 singles scene seems daunting...I sense desperation and despondence from fellow 35 plus single ladies.I am open to dating younger or older men. I am naturally attracted to very good looking men. I would like advice on what attracts quality men to a long term relationship. I am not interested in booty calls.Dating at 25 was so much easier, and guys back then late 90's knew how to court a lady...

I think there must be a catch out there somewhere but I know he

is more rare these days...Looking forward to your input guys.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Younger guys, I mean in their 20 would mostly be interested in sex. And they may be good to have in the process. You need to look out for players. The ones that try to sweep you off your feet off the bat. Then blow hot and cold. They come in all ages. older guys will be sweeter. The ones in their 50s. More established but they may be divorced and not good in bed. The internet, booty call and FWB trends has made getting sex easier. So I would say get on reputable dating sites. Date as often as time permits and don't get hooked on any one guy until your sure they are not a douche or a player. If you get one of them pick your self back up and keep moving. Mingle with guys and make many guy friends as you can. Exposure is the key here.

    But above all ser some standards and boundaries for yourself and do NOT compromise them.

    • Sweet! Thanks and I really wish you the best of luck. Stay strong!

    • Great and thoughtful advice from the ladies...thanks Deft Maiden and Shaker for your advice...

      I do believe society has shifted into a more casual dating scene. My ex was a douche who blew hot and cold and I will not put up with that again. I am going to work on myself and have standards. I think that's the best dating/personal growth advise.

    • Mossy welcome! you can always count on the girls! Even online. Lol


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What Guys Said 8

  • Well I'm 35 myself and dating is somewhat scarce because a lot of people chose to settle down a lot younger than I was willing to do so, so the theme is usually divorcee's, ready made families or widowers, although there's not many of them at 35+ or of course your case where your justunhappy because of a bad relatiuonship, But I think the best dates I have been on have been the ones who invited me into their homes and made me feel at home, a little like her taking the reigns and taking me on a tour of who she is/about, because this was like an eye opener to me of how she was or wasn't compatible, and a very lot of the time, the compatability was amazing, I felt secure in her company and comfortable that there was no hidden surprises, what I see was what I would get sort of thing, so after dinner and going back to hers and the tour of the flat/house, whatever it may be, we would sit down and she would pour a glass of wine each, and we would talk, getting to know each other better, by the end of the night, I was always invited to stay, which was at 35, never a problem where I was going to think she was some easy lay or something, and the future was being written, because these relationships were always long, but never quite had the finished recipee for us to really committ, but these type of dates always work well, and I think, to get a man to realize he could pottentially settle with you, invite him in, let him see, and then let him get to know, good luck, oh and I'm free this weekend, what you up to lol, just kidding, x

  • Dating in your 30s can be difficult because it seems like the only people who aren't already spoken for are carrying so much emotional baggage they can't even be considered as relationship material.

    My suggestion is to join hobby groups of people who share your interests and then you can meet people who share like interests, eliminating one of the elements of compatibility right off the bat: like interests.

  • well everyone is "naturally attracted to very good looking" people... I am guessing you were smoking in your 20s if you mention this...

    however, realistically once a woman hits her early 30s, her dating market value starts to drop fast.. it's rough and hard to hear, and I'm sorry to say it, but it's a truth. I think at this point, you need to focus on security from maybe a not that interesting well of guy

    • heh...maybe your smoking something...if I smoked what would that have to do with anything...

      i don't need to hear about my freakin' market value. I know it is harder as a 30something...

      I happened to waste a lot of time on the wrong guy., I don't need to hear the harsh or obvious...

    • Show All
    • hm well I think the best thing you can do is look for guys in their early 40s who may be divorced that are really "nice" and financially well off- they might not be the best looking or the most interesting and they may not fire you up sexually, but I think it would be best to look for something stable .. does that make sense ?

    • I will try to expand my horizons in terms of what I am looking for physically, and I have tried that.

      However for a ltr to work it is vital for partners to be attracted to one another. So I don't want to believe that because I am 38 I will have to settle for some homely fellow to ever get married. I do want

      to look more at inner qualities though other than just pursuing the hottest fellow, who often is

      shallow and selfish. I want to meet a handsome fellow who has good luck to me.

  • I am honest with who I date. And usually it's dinner and coffee

  • very interesting. Thank U.

  • Online dating should be a great option at your age.

  • To commit to a women 35+ she better have amazing qualities (look, personality, great at sex, emotionally stable etc...)

    Because otherwise I prefer date a woman in her late 20s. Dating scene is hard for guys in their early 20s because women the same age have so much choice they tend to be ultra picky and feel like since so many guys want them they can do whatever they want.

    On the other hand, dating scene is harder for women after their mid 30s while men the same age have it easier because they are more mature and established and women like that.

    So to catch a great man you'll have to be on top of your game and accept that from now on you are not the one all guys are after like before. If you accept this role then you have a better chance at finding the right guy.

  • have you tried reconnecting with old friends from the past? and have you tried dating younger guys ( I mean like in their 20s.. like cougar status lol) ?

    • Online dating sucks in my experience. So many men on there seem to be looking for hookups...

      even if they say otherwise. Maybe I was on the wrong site...I am on a free one...but hardly check it.

      I am totally open to dating younger guys...would prefer that with the right fellow. Last boy I kissed

      is 22...16 year age diff. I guess that is cougariffic. The thing is I am seeking a serious relationship.

      I miss having a partner, and someone to care for who cares for me too...

What Girls Said 4

  • I would stick to people in their 30's and 40's. People in their 50's might be in a different frame of mind. I know my parents are in their 50's and they are tired all the time. Plus if they have already been married, they are probably not interested in getting married again. They would be more interested in just having a girlfriend. I know not all 50+ people are like that, there are some very vivacious people in that age group, but from the one's I have talked too, most of them are not married and wish not to be. They already went through a rough divorce, so they would just like the companionship of a long term girlfriend.

    I would think people in their 30's are probably either not married ever, or just came out and might be interesting in finding something permanent. Who know's, but I know for a fact that guys in their 20's are not usually looking to settle down. That has been my experience (I'm 22). Even guys who are like 28 some of them are still in that frame of mind to just play around. Someone in their 40's is established but might not have met the right person yet. I think those two age groups are probably your best bet.

    As for dating, see if there are any single clubs in your area. Online forums are good, maybe on Kijiji or something see if there are any single clubs for 30+. Also join some type of class or hobby. It will get you out of the house and it will help you meet people with similar interests :) I know the bar scene is no fun, its not even fun for me :P Too many people drinking way too much and just acting stupid.

    • Yes I agree with your advice...although I was toying with the idea of pulling a Demi (Moore). I guess generally 30-s -40's would be best for me because that is my age group. I am hoping to meet the right man who can appreciate me, and maybe can relate...maybe came out of a LTR or marriage...I did not realize that 28 year olds were still such men-children...but come to think of it that was about the age my ex cheated on me. I just want a good guy don't care what age he is.

      I do hope for chemistry tho:)

    • I wish you well in your dating endeavors! I hope you find yourself a great guy! :D

  • I am over 35..My page says younger but that's for anonymity. Women are desperate @ every age. Older is no different. It just looks different. Good you have decided you want to get married. Let that shape your decisions. Consider what you don't want. Good to put it down on paper to make it more clear as well as gives you something to refer back to when you are going away from it as well as gives you something to see how you grow/change/learn in this process. Now turn that list into positives. If you don't want a cheater then perhaps you want someone who is loyal, open. Figure out the order of your priorities; religion, looks, financial, etc. Looks are important but remember that looks are subjective. Perhaps the super good looking guy you used to love has changed a bit & you didn't even realize it.

    Increase the # of guys you meet. Think about how many guys in a crowd you would be attracted to & now how many of those guys you could actually have a relationship with. Now potentially lead to marriage...well this is the reason you need to increase the # of guys you meet. Ways to do this...Do go online. Read a book about ways to present yourself...not written by a single woman. Take good, realistic pictures of yourself & be honest about who you r. Also, start to get out more but mostly concentrate on things you like to do. Talk to men in the grocery store & other places by asking their help or suggestion or drop something near him & walk slowly away. If he's not calling to you or bringing it over, just "realize" it's not with u. Now you have an excuse to go back...and even say something.

    Be u. If your style is to over dress, enjoy it. Do remember, although guys may love the look, I find that men tend to respond more to women who are more casual in dress. I think that they feel more comfortable. A lot of women are brutal to guys when they make a move. So a guy may assume that a girl who looks awesome has a lot of guys vying for his attention or she is high maintenance. Also, I think when a woman dresses to what she considers to be the nines, she naturally seeks for people to validate her. It makes her less easy to talk to and she may even come off in a way that is so dominant, it's a turn off to the standard man.

    Enjoy your feminine energy. It is strong & looks very different from masculine. Be clear about what you want but be receptive. A woman beguiles & is subtle. She has vulnerbaility that she is not afraid to wear when she is feeling it. Don't lose that. Don't pursue men. They will come.

    Finally regardless of either's age & looks, guys ask out & stay with women who they enjoy their company & theyar attractive enough to sleep with. When dealing with a man just use the same criteria to enjoy the moment. Observe what he does especially between meetings. That matters more than when you c him. Don't believe everything you think/feel. Remember you are a flawed/selfish/human. He may not be wrong but wrong 4 u.

    Determine now what you need 2 have sex with him & don't do it til you have that

  • I'm close to your age and I feel you On this. Dating online has not manifested greatcresults for me but I'm also picky. I meet guys at work a lot but I do work in hospitality

    Have you thought about volunteering? Or taking a class in something that interests you?

    That way you have common ground ;)

  • I agree that men in our age range have lost all concept of how to properly date woman. It's funny because I've started dating men ten year younger than myself because they still treat me like a lady and are actually interested in having a conversation with me. Men my age are so self-absorbed it's nauseating.