Acceptable on the first date?

What is good first date touching? Is holding hands ok or touching the arm, etc?

I may be on a date with a girl soon, and I kind of wanted to do more flirting. I don't want it to seem like it's a "just friends" thing, but I don't really want to do anything like kissing super early. I kiss on the third or fourth date, but I think that by then a lot of girls will decide you're "just friend" material, so I wanted to make it so that it wasn't inappropirate but something that would clearly say "this is a cute "i like you" thing, and I don't want friendship" and still show interest until if we get to that moment.

I was talking with someone and she said this guy touched her arm on a date, and she hated it. He didn't go for a kiss either, and it was a good date until then.

I understand a few things are too far, (leg touching, groping, etc) and that much is obvious, but I wanted to see what was ok for a first date.

Holding hands too much?

I haven't dated for a long time, so I'm a little unsure to whether or not holding hands or touching the arm is bad for a sweet first date, and what's better for a second date, where if I touch her arm she won't freak out.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Hmm, it all depends on the girl. Maybe she's reserved or very outgoing. I think if she's got a bubbly, open, very friendly personality some touching would be acceptable. Holding hands no offense I find is lame. That's like rigid date behavior.. so expected? You gotta make a girl feel comfortable, if she doesn't like hang holding you don't know that and she's not gonna tell you. Be gentlemenly like, girls love that offer your arm instead.

    Also you have to break the touch barrier. Start it off with something VERY casual, like a brush on the arm or .. placing your fingers or hand on her arm when you're speaking very sincerely about something. That way she knows that you're behavior isn't forced but something that comes from the heart.

    Once you break that touch barrier you can kick it up a knotch during the night. Find reasons to touch her.. maybe I like your ring/jewerely can I see it. I think having your body close to a girl will eventually get her feeling comfortable with you in her space. I duno how to explain it but think of real reasons/scenarios why you would touch a person. Like bumping into someone, being in a tight space/room (bodies close together).

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What Girls Said 7

  • I think it's different for every girl, but personally, I don't think holding hands is too much; I think it's adorable. A hug would be suggestive as just friends, but they're always nice too. But then again, what do I know? I've never dated...at least to my knowledge.

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  • honestly it depends on d girl sum girls dnt like touching and sum girls love it. personally if I was on a date with a guy and he kept his distance as if he was afraid 2 touch me I would b insultd and would wonder y were on a date if he doent like me soo much that he cnt touch me. I'm not sayin that I wnt a guy 2 touch me innapropriately but sum contact is neccessary. you hav 2 determine what the girl wnts use how she acts if she's flirty den hold her hands if she seems distant wait let her get 2 knw you 1st then if she seems to warm up to you den try holdin hands if she doesn't warm up to you dnt and I mean dnt touch her cause that cud ruin everything

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  • It depends on the girl. I see hand holding as being more intimate. Just compliment her. Sometimes is ya'll are walking and you bump your arms into her its kinda cute too.

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  • I think holding her hand will get your point across without being too much. Then again, my first date guy just offered me his arm, and that was enough. Maybe link arms the first date, and hold her hand the second.

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  • holding hands is okay lol and a hug, but if her booty is sticking out don't do too much touching if it isn't then be cautious lol I know this is cliche but be yourself lol

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  • If the date went well, she will be EXPECTING you to kiss her goodnight.

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  • depends if you click or not and if you do then how much

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What Guys Said 4

  • The best way to initiate contact (and as a result break the awkwardness) is to do it within context. If there's a joke that you two are laughing at, give her a tap on the arm as if to say thanks for enjoying this laugh with me. That will seem natural since it fits in with what you're doing, but the fact that you touched her will still be noticeable and break the ice.

    As for holding hands: If you're walking somewhere and you're not sure whether or not to hold her hand, offer her your arm like a gentleman. If she accepts, then it's a good sign and you don't have to worry about anyone reading into hand holding. If not, then it's easier to smooth over than if you tried to hold her hand and she refused.

    Lastly, about waiting until the third or fourth date for a kiss. Maybe it's just me (i'm a forward kind of person) but I think that's pretty long to wait. If a girl is interested, she'll likely be hoping for a kiss sooner than that. Personally I think that if the first date is great then a goodnight kiss on the cheek is appropriate and gauge her reaction from there. Either way, it's definitely go time for a kiss on the second date, in my opinion.

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    • Great answer.

      In my experience, a kiss by the second date is mandatory. Doesn't have to be a steamy make-out session. But if a girl's not willing to give you at least a kiss by the end of the second date, it's often a red flag. Not always a dealbreaker, but a red flag all the same.

    • Same thing goes on her end. She's probably expecting a kiss by then and may get confused about your intentions after two dates with no attempt. The friend zone lurks.

    • Great advice!

  • What is important is to go slow and read her body language. If she is responding to your touches; hand, arm, thigh, ect. then you are going in the right direction. If she is pulling away, then you have gone too far, back up to the latest point of contact and give her time to get more comfortable before preceding. The important thing is not to to goo fast, not too slow. Today things are much faster paced than they use to be, and a girl will loose interest if you are not aggressive enough. You are right, you will end up in the "friend zone" and then nothing will happen.

    I can tell you that a girl is more attracted to a man who can make her laugh than any other one thing, so keep the conversation going and make it fun for her. Don't spend a lot of time talking about drama or serious topics, take her to a funny movie, and make sure she is relaxed enough to know if she wants that kiss. Then give it to her.

    Good Luck,

    James

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  • I always find a way to pat her bottom or pinch her there. You can tell so much by her reaction! If she gets furious you've saved time, if she giggles it's great...something else, you have to interpret.

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  • different for every girl, but just try out different things, if she's not receptive to certain things, than just apologize and go about ur business

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