After nearly 2 years, boyfriend still claims to not know what to talk to me about?

I find myself doing a lot of rambling about my day, some frustration or whatever with him, but most of the time he just listens or does whatever on the other line. When I try to get him talk, he says he has nothing to talk about and has even told me he doesn't really know what to talk to me about. He can talk to other people for hours, but according to him he doesn't really know how to talk to the girls he dates. The thing is, we plan on spending the rest of our lives together(he was the first to state his love and say he wants to marry me). And then when I mention it to him he gets all frustrated, when all I want is to have him talk to me about him or to be able to have a conversation about something I've said without it just me being rambling or him always giving some bored/distracted response(ie. "Oh" or "Huh"). And the thing is, we don't really see each other that often anymore(I go to school). I want to be able to be quiet on the phone and just listen to him talk about whatever(ie. something random he saw/heard, a small frustration-if he has one, what he did-he doesn't sit around all day staring at the wall, etc. ). I don't want to lose him either, I love him and just want us to really be able to communicate without feeling bad lately because it feels like we just talk about me(I was never the type to really like focusing on myself). He says he likes just listening to me talk, that it's relaxing(which is sweet), but I don't know, it'd be nice if we could have actual conversations beyond ramblings and a lot of 'I love yous', even if I do love him. It'd even be nice to talk about something that's not even about either of us(news, a song, computers, whatever).


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Well, it could be one (or multiple) of a few things:

    1. He can't find any common ground between you - and thus can't think of what to talk about. If you don't have much in common (different interests, hobbies, etc) then it would be hard to talk extensively. It doesn't mean you don't work as a relationship (opposites attract and all that) but it can affect certain dynamics of your relationship: i.e. chattiness.

    2. He honestly does just like hearing you talk. Whilst I don't doubt this is true, I think it's a little incomplete to be wholly and exclusively applicable.

    3. He just isn't talkative. But this is invalid from your "He can talk to other people for hours" statement. However, saying "he doesn't really know how to talk to the girls he dates" suggests a level of discomfort. I'm not sure where that arises from, but I guess the only solution is to try figure out the "why" and make him more comfortable with expressing himself.

    I kinda have the same problem, except I'm the one who doesn't talk much. For me, I'm used to not talking a lot, and getting out of that habit it tough. But the guy I'm into now has made me rather chatty (comparatively speaking) just because he makes me so comfortable, and is so interested by anything I have to say. I am not sure if you can take anything of value from that.

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    • "I kinda have the same problem, except I'm the one who doesn't talk much. For me, I'm used to not talking a lot, and getting out of that habit it tough."

      I'm the exact same way. :-\

    • @Kain: Yeah, it's a pain in the butt. But not impossible to work through :)

      @QA: thanks for BA!

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