If a girl asks a guy out, who do you expect to pay?

This whole dating rules thing has got to get sorted out... I for one hate the idea of people being forced into things just because of their gender, I like being who I am, not what society tells me to be, the idea of the guy always paying... just makes me feel uncomfortable because relationships are a deep emotional thing!

The idea that so many girls are spoiled and demand so much makes me feel ashamed to be one, in fact when I'm around guys (I have a lot of guy friends)

I like splitting but I think what people should expect is *the one who asks pays* but its good for the other person to offer to split as well, but nevertheless its only fair, and I don't feel guilty and uncomfortable that way, afterward I think it should always be split except on special occasions like birthdays

I've seen a lot of guys who have no self-respect too, who actually SPREAD the discrimination against themselves... seriously though, who is in charge of putting things like these into peoples' brains?

I might sound like I'm acting against my own gender here... and maybe I am, but its for a good cause! Because relationships can be emotional, and really make you feel great, but only if they're fair!

Now my question here is if the girl asks the guy out, who do you expect to pay? Now think about it for a minute:

- Saying "its only nice/shows respect/its what a gentleman would do" is ONE-SIDED, if you use your brain you'll realize that

- She asked you out, so she should be making the impression, and not expect you to do all the work

- The point is to get to know each other, paying shouldn't be such a big deal

- Its unfair on the guy, especially if he makes the same or less amount of money

I've asked a few guys out before and I fully expected to pay, because why did I ask them out? Because I had a crush on them and I wanted them to like me back, and expecting him to pay would NOT get him to like me it would probably (definitely if the guy has self respect) get him angry!

When I picture my relationship and ones like it in my head, it gives me a warm hearted and cozy feeling of two people being close

But when I picture a traditional relationship... it doesn't trigger any feelings at all to me!

But my point here is;

Girls: Do something to make him feel special too

Guys: Have self respect, don't let her use you for money and if she asks you out and expects you to pay, well... girls, what would you do? I bet you'd be angry! I try to see these things from a guy's point of view and they don't seem fair at all

There's probably so many questions I could ask... but I'll ask "If a girl asks a guy out, who do you expect to pay?" since that's usually where the girl would be the first person expected to make the impression so I'll ask for your opinion on that

Also girls, what would you think if the guy didn't pay?

Please don't troll!

The whole idea that human beings are always treated like this... it just makes me sad

  • The girl
    27% (4)29% (6)28% (10)Vote
  • The guy
    13% (2)19% (4)17% (6)Vote
  • Always go Dutch, no matter who asked who out
    47% (7)38% (8)42% (15)Vote
  • Forget dating rules, I prefer "hanging out"
    13% (2)14% (3)13% (5)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy
Updates:
Oh and, the idea that its a special gesture to make... that's just overused and outdated... I doubt its for any reason other than gender roles

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Until WWII, it wasn't common for women to work outside the home. WWII saw women not only working outside the home, but doing "men's work": working in factories and the like. That ended quickly after the war ended and the men returned home, but that experience strongly influenced the next generation (the children of "Rosey The Riveter") and resulted in the Women's Movement in the 60s.

    It was really in the 60s when women started working outside the home in large numbers. Even then, they were largely limited to "women's jobs" such as secretaries and other lower-wage jobs. It took a full generation to adjust to women in the workplace, but by the 80s/90s, women were doing nearly every job that men do.

    What I'm getting at here is that the concept of "the man pays" comes from a time when most women had no separate income, and if she did, it was likely to be much smaller than a man's. Men also had a greater amount of control over everything as a result, so men paying was the only practical solution.

    Things have changed greatly since then, and today, there is no reason for men to pay for everything. While it isn't necessary for women to "split the bill" down to the penny, it shouldn't be "weird" for women to expect to pay their way, and to pay a nearly equal portion of the bill.

    I'm 41, so I'm "old school" and this was a weird thing for me to accept, but I have. And it would be best if everyone did.

    Sure, if one person makes a lot more than the other, that person might pay more, or pay more often. Likewise, if one loses their job, the other might pay until the first person is back to work. No problem. But overall, it would make more sense for everyone if the "rule" was doing Dutch for everything, with exceptions made as needed, rather than the "rule" being "guys pay."

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What Guys Said 7

  • First I want to say, I know your young, but life is not fair. Yes is simple but it's true. It won't benefit you to stress over this fact. I think it's great that you realize it though.

    I completely agree with you. The reason that men tend to pay, and you forgot to mention that men tend to ask women out more often, is largely based on cultural norms. And I have no issue with people wanting the person that asked to pay. It makes complete sense.

    I still would probably want to pay even if she asked me out though. At least for the first few dates. Why? Because even if she asks me out, it shows her that I want to be out with her enough that I will pay. Yes that's a double standard. I learned that women are more sensitive in many ways than myself and when I buy them dinner it makes them feel special. Its the same reason why men bring women flowers. Women never bring men flowers because men are more practical. Women need the thought. Yes men need to be thought for but not as much.

    Also I think there's is an evolutionary factor here. Yes you asked the guy out but pre civilization men were the ones that had to impress the women in order to mate with them. Women tended to be much more selective when mating. Men tended to want to mate with as many women as possible to spread their genes. Paying for a womans dinner, the first few times, is similar to an early human doing his mating ritual. Yes the woman might have walked up to him and smiled, showing initial interest, but the man still had to impress her with some courtship in order to mate.

    I love how you see through the cliches and what not. I've always been this way too and learned if I focused on it less and just got more positive, live is more enjoyable.

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  • I totally agree with you. People respect women who don't expect to be taken care of.

    To be honest, I don't mind paying. Sometimes it's a matter of "This'll be my special treat" or if I'm just in a bad mood: "Well, I'm obviously more generous then you are. What you YOU have to offer in return for expecting this?"

    Almost always the former, though. I've never been on a bad date.

    I offered to pay for an ex once, though. Her response: "Um...yeah you're going to pay!"

    Really? I'm not a bank, here. It took effort to make that money, so it really means a lot I'm spending it on you.

    The way I tell it in these debates : "If I'm cheap for not paying for YOU, what does that make you if you won't even pay for YOURSELF?!"

    But reading the stats, I think the image is improving. It seems there is more of an expectation for the GIRL to pay, which I think is just as bogus. You shouldn't expect each other to pay. It should be a pleasant surprise. But and EXPECTATION? That's out of control.

    Jenna Marbles tells it to the ladies, plain and clear!

    link

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  • wow... where the hell are WOMEN like you hiding? take notes GIRLS of G.A.G... take some got-damned notes.

    in all seriousness though... the idea of a "relationship" seems like a joke to me. it seems closer to prostitution, but at least your question serves as a reminder that they're actually are real WOMEN out there that aren't all self-centered and useless.

    i 5 starred the question, because only useless broads would give it any less. we need more stuff like this on here instead of the usual "does he like me", "how can I get him to XXX while I sit back and do nothing?"

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    • Well actually I'm 16 lol, I always thought the younger generation believed this stuff less because gender roles aren't a requirement anymore

      what age group are you from? Just curious ^^

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    • Well I guess its to do with generation lol

      There are a lot of young girls who realize a relationship should be fair... its usually the parents who pass on harmful gender roles

    • yeah... for some reason I don't see it ever being fair. at least not until p*rn some how becomes virtual reality... women are in big trouble then lol

  • At least in the early stages of dating, the guy should pay, even if the girl asked him out. The gender roles aren't just there because of tradition; they exist because they reflect reality. That's what works out best in the long run. Paying for a date is what a gentleman should do, plus it gives him an idea of the girl's level of interest in him. (Girls who aren't interested tend to offer to split the bill or even pay the whole thing because they feel guilty about having the guy pay for a date when there's no hope of a relationship.)

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  • I would pay either way. I would feel weird if the girl paid for me. No one ever pays for me, I just don't let them.(friends, family, or dates)

    For example; Today I went to change the oil with my dad, even if it wasn't my car. I still paid for it, he wouldn't let me but I still did.

    I think it's how you see it while you grow up, my dad always paid the bills at restaurants.

    (never happened to me) but I think, if a girl paid for the date I would be embarrassed to go on an another date with her. I would feel very uncomfortable around her. I'm old fashion I guess.

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    • Umm okay?

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    • Yea this was similar to the male dynamic in my family - the guy typically step ups to take care of things like that - financially or like physical labor stuff.

      It's more old school but the custom isn't dead. It's still very respectible. I don't mind the bill being taken for me but eventually I'll fight you over who pays lol I'm bad at taking favors :P I usually enjoy doing them instead.

    • If you get paid for and don't even feel bad about it you should be ashamed of yourself!

  • Ideally, splitting the costs. If she insists, as in really wants to, then that's fine. But I'd want to pay for a second date if so.

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  • The saying whoever asks should pay for the date would be a good way to go about it but ask yourself this and the girls around you.

    "How many times have you asked a guy out?"

    and

    "how many times have you waited or demanded that the guy *MUST* ask you out?"

    It may not apply to you but a lot of girls refuse to ask guys out, pay for dates or even initiate a relationship which means the guy always gets the bad end of the deal.

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    • Those girls aren't worth it, they're mostly guy haters anyway, or at least are very strict with guys

What Girls Said 5

  • I like this question :) I agree with you. If you really are in a strong relationship though, it gets to the point where its like whatever about who pays! Personally I love paying because like you said, I would be pissed as the guy if I always had to pay. And that way you know the guy is concentrated on having a good time with you rather than just thinking "oh sh*t I payed so much" the whole time! But then again, I don't like always paying myself either and there are a few rare cases where the guy actually never pays and then it gets a bit frustrating.

    It def is a power thing though, a lot of the macho type guys like showing off and being like "heyy check out my money" but the sad part is these guys often don't even have much money and are just trying to impress!

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    • I actually have a lot more money than most of the guys I dated ^^ because I've done odd jobs before lol although I'm still at school so its not like either of us are loaded but either way it would be stupid to expect the guy to always pay no matter what just because he's of the male gender

      I much prefer cute and sensitive guys to the macho ones... in fact I never really liked macho ones I've always liked the sound of "cute" couples ^^

    • After we're in a relationship we usually split but sometimes I treat him and sometimes he treats me... we always try to keep it fair though, in fact I do it more since I have the most money ^^

    • Well actually I'm not in a relationship right now (I do have a date tomorrow though) but when I said "him" I meant what's usual for me lol

  • It should be Dutch.. but if the guys wants to, let him know he doesn't have to, and then let him...

    This lets him know you are not taking advantage of him, but I find many guys, actually WANT to pay.. they feel bad/worse/less of a man, if don't let them pay or fight them on it...

    So always give them the out, always let them know its OK either way.. but don't fight with them over it...

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    • Thing is some guys have no self-respect and girls take them paying for granted and are under the impression that if he doesn't pay he doesn't care... I think that people in a relationship should judge each other by how fun and nice each other is not on how money is spent

    • exactly.. that's why you don't make a big deal about it either way.. let him know you're willing to pitch in.. and if he says he has it, let him...

      If he has issues with always paying, he will let you pitch in some/most of the time...

      But if it is a point of ego/ethics with him, its not worth fighting him on it..

    • That would just make me feel really uncomfortable... it does more harm that it does good

  • do something for free, until the world has attained a higher degree of justice.

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    • lol that could work

      Except for spoiled people who only care about money

    • Then they will have to grow up .. no time like the present ;-)

  • Too long, didn't read but I'll give you my opinion on it.

    I have always been raised to be an independent woman, that I don't need anyone else to take care of me. So, I always plan on paying for my own stuff. That being said, if the guy offers then I usually say no, or that he doesn't have to. When he's insistent then I let him, and I'll pay for something of his later. I'm a pretty cheap date, I don't eat much and small stuff brings me a lot of joy, so it's not too awful if they pay for me.. If it's something expensive then I'd feel really bad.

    If I asked a guy out to dinner or something I wouldn't expect to pay for him though, no. Maybe if we went out for ice cream or something I'd offer to pay.

    Really what I'm saying is that everyone should just expect to pay for their own stuff, if the guy offers to pay then he's a sweetheart. If the girl pays for all the guys stuff then he may be a bum. Lol

    The fact girls expect to be paid for kind of makes me sick.. But I think dating a girl like that really says something. She's going to expect you to be the man and take care of her, so if that's what you want, that's who you should date.

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    • I don't get guys sometimes >_<

      Well some guys got the false impression that "if he doesn't pay he's a loser" if he thought that I would totally reassure him that's not true!

      I know this sounds weird but if a guy still insisted on paying even after I tried reasoning with him... I would be kinda of turned off because I'd think he was only after sex or he would expect me to do all the "women's jobs" in the future

      btw what age group are you from? Just curious ^^

    • I couldn't be bothered to write a new reply so I just copied the one I had posted to the last answer lol

      "if the guy offers to pay then he's a sweetheart."

      ^ the thing about that is, most guys pay because either they're forced to, they only want sex or they expect you to follow gender roles

      "The fact girls expect to be paid for kind of makes me sick.."

      ^ Totally! I love treating my guy the way he treats me, makes me feel good and helps the relationship turn romantic

    • I'm 19.

      And don't get me wrong, I'm not saying if the guy doesn't pay for the girl then he's a bum. I'm saying if he expects the girl to pay for his then he's probably one.

      I don't know about you.. But I enjoy getting people things. More joy in giving then receiving type thing, so if a guy really wants to pay I let him. I want him to be happy too.

      And any guy who's with me knows me well enough to know I'm saving myself for marriage. So the worrying that he's paying for sex reasoning is invalid.

  • I once asked a guy out and we went on a date and I was fully willing to pay because just like you said it's because I asked him out. But even though I reached for my wallet to pay several times, he would go like 'No.' and pay it himself. He insisted on the paying. I still date him and he keeps paying for me only letting me pay sometimes if it's icecream because I insist it.

    I feel bad if I leech of a guy's money and I always get the feeling that guy would think I only want his money. But since this guy keeps insisting every time I see him I do something for him he likes, like making his favorite food or giving him a massage or whatever. Otherwise I would feel really bad ): I think girls who wouldn't feel bad about the guy paying every time are just moneyleechers.

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    • I don't get guys sometimes >_<

      Well some guys got the false impression that "if he doesn't pay he's a loser" if he thought that I would totally reassure him that's not true!

      I know this sounds weird but if a guy still insisted on paying even after I tried reasoning with him... I would be kinda of turned off because I'd think he was only after sex or he would expect me to do all the "women's jobs" in the future

      btw what age group are you from? Just curious ^^

    • Hmm, you got a point. I was wondering about that too, but now that I know my guy better I know he isn't like that.

      I'm 17 by the way (:

    • That's good he's not like that... but there's some things about guys I just don't get... and so many girls take that for granted

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