What's with all the double standards on what a girl can do to initiate?

1) "If a girl asks a guy out, she's desperate"

2) "If a girl calls a guy, she's desperate"

3) "If a girl texts a guy, she's desperate"

4) "If a girl starts a conversation with a guy, she's desperate" (okay that ones rare lol, probably because its the stupidest of all so its rare)

5) "If a girl is the first to kiss a guy, she's desperate"

6) "If a girl walks up to a guy, she's desperate" (again like 4 this is rare)

7) "If a girl says "I love you" first, she's desperate"

8) "If a girl is the first to make physical contact with a guy, she's desperate"

...so then what are guys? how is doing any of those things to a guy much different than a guy doing them to a girl? this is just another stupid gender role

Updates:
I do all these things... guess it makes me desperate!
I mean if I wanted to call or text a guy what's wrong with it? We're both humans, right? Its stupid why they make rules on who should do the calling or texting based on what sexual organs they have!
I hate how girls aren't "allowed" to initiate ANYTHING but I don't care what people say I'm doing that anyway!

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Girls make this stuff up, and you'll see most guys look at it and go "that is the biggest crock of sh*t I've ever heard..." There is no double standard here, only an imaginary one created by women to justify being lazy about it and trying to make like they're doing a good thing by passing the buck on EVERYTHING to the guy.

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    • funny, because I've been called desperate and have "emasculated" men because I've initiated relationships.

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    • I always split the effort... in fact if anything I do more for my boyfriends than they do for me, lol

      But there are some guys who just let themselves be used, and girls who take advantage of those guys

What Guys Said 13

  • that list is pure bs, it's also denigrating to girls/women. it's 2011, if a girl/woman wants to show interest in a guy then there should be no stigma associated.

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  • The dating rules require guys to initiate, and in any game, if you don't play by the rules, you get called names.

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    • Well then stand up for yourself!

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    • Well, I'm maried to a healthy minded Veneuelan woman, so I haven't done so badly compared to most people here, right?

    • Whoops sorry I kinda misread your comment, I thought you said you DID do traditional dating sorry

  • By the way, I know I've seen studies somewhere suggesting that while most men overtly take the initiative, women often start the interaction via body language, eye contact, flirting, etc.

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  • TBH, I think most girls really only follow '1' at all, and if they want a guy to ask them out they drop massive hints.

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  • I don't quite agree either.

    it would be more interesting if you made a list, of what the general majority of people living in western culture expect of what males and females do in order to get in contact with one another.

    the world is a stupid place...it would be much easier if people would think differently about contact between male and female...

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  • u are wrong...

    if a girl asks guy out FIVE times after rejection , she's desperate

    if a girl calls guy FIVE times after no answer , she's desperate

    and so on

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  • Most guys would be OK with girls doing that, so this list is inaccurate.

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  • i think whoever told you that stuff was lying...

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    • I looked it up, they're all over the place

      Just outdated gender roles that are POINTLESS in this century

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    • Well I have seen it a lot

  • All nonsense IMHO. I wonder who it is that actually enforces these silly rules.

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  • I can't agree with this list too, 2 and 3 is good nothing bad, 4 is not bad too. 5 is very sweet and nice. 6 not big deal. 7 is very nice too, 8 don't mind

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  • None of these actually predominantly exist. Most women just think they do or make it look like they do, so it can be used as an excuse not be be a prime initiator, or put your ego on the line.

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  • what the f*** are you talking about. hell, just last night, a girl came up to me in a bar, told me she thought I was gorgeous then gave me her number. too easy

    didn't think she was desperate

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  • I do not agree with that list - it's a stupid list anyways.

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What Girls Said 2

  • Certain guys will call this list bs because they understand that things have changed, others will call it a list of excuses, and others will see it as mostly true unless it benefits them.

    Point being: yes, these double standard DO exist. I've experienced them myself several times, more specifically 1-3, 5, and 8. And no, not just once.

    As to avoid being called desperate due to people clinging to gender roles, I only date progressive men who don't have communication problems(not the same as the "Progressive" political parties, it's specifically those who are for social reform for all).

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    • I know there are men out there who still cling to traditional gender roles and get some sort of personal satisfaction out of feeling like they're carrying the relationship themselves, but I can assure you that in Western Culture those men are in the minority and fading fast.

      Unfortunately it seems that the higher up you go in the socioeconomic spectrum, the more prevalent they become.

    • Though I do have an interesting theory on why some men have these beliefs and the possible psychology behind it.

    • I'm part of Western Culture and can't help but disagree. They are becoming more open with relationships, but not with gender roles. Not at all.

  • get used to it sweetheart - no matter what you're being taught and told there are definitely double standards in life...it's always going to be a man's world becaause they cannot give up the good stuff they have on their side of the species.

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    • That's funny because I've always heard guys COMPLAINING about this stuff so I doubt they think its good

    • asking girls out is minimal obstruction to the fun they have conquering the workplace, cheating and whoring around - you barely scratch the surface with your questions hun. they say they want girls to ask them out - yep upto about 25ish then they'll get precious on you and call you names they don't understand and wouldn't accept to be called themselves. Then they become impotent, bald etc still better than being female - they would not change a thing, believe me

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