Why don't girls let guys know if they're not interested after the first date?

I've been having this experience in dating that has been happening a lot and it's getting very frustrating, and I'm sure there are others here (both sexes) who have experienced it to.

You go out on a first date, maybe a blind date or an internet dating thing, everything goes good, you have a great conversation, and when you part you hug and say "Text me later!" or something like that. Then... the silence..., you text her, and nothing, you text again, and nothing, you email, and nothing, then you realized it's happened. She isn't interested in you.

I do have to say I see this happening way too much lately and it is simply disrespectful and cowardly, if you're not interested in someone after the first date, then JUST TELL THEM, why do they always just ignore you hoping that you'll get the message? And also, if you're just not feeling it on the date, why not just say so, be honest, and part ways, that's the honorable thing to do, rather than lying through your teeth and body language, giving the date the feeling that you're interested. This is just cruel, it gets a guy's hopes up, then crushes them.

I think it may be this post-1985 born generation of people growing up with stuff like the internet that lets you avoid face to face confrontation so much that you never learn how to face it. I see it a lot in girls, though, it may happen with guys too, I don't date them so I don't know, if that's the case girls, tell us here. It's true, we all don't like confrontation, especially face-to-face, but something like a text message isn't even confrontation, all you have to do is text them "Thanks for the date, but I'm not interested, sorry." Seriously girls, it's not going to hurt they guy's feelings, it's not, back me up here guys, and also tell me of your experiences with this phenomenon.

I want to know WHY you do this, and don't lie saying you've never done it, nobody's perfect, if you've done it, just say so and tell us what's going on in your head so we can understand you better, and maybe not be so hurt when you flat out ignore us after the first date. I'll put a poll up here to see how many have done it, and please be honest.

-Tell me if you have ever ignored a person after the first date instead of telling them you're not interested, and tell me why you ignored instead of telling them

-Tell me if you, as a guy or a girl, have ever had first dates where all seemed to go well but they ignored you after the first date, and how that made you feel.

Honesty, Honor, Respect, Courage, and Dignity, these are not goofy boy scout things to joke about with your friends, these are true virtues that define you as a person.

  • Because I was afraid of confronting him and possibly hurting his feelings
    79% (77)45% (15)71% (92)Vote
  • Because first dates are a dime a dozen, I just want to move on to the next one
    11% (11)21% (7)14% (18)Vote
  • Because he was a jerk anyway so he deserved to be treated like one
    5% (5)6% (2)5% (7)Vote
  • Because it's just too much work, why bother?
    5% (4)28% (9)10% (13)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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Most Helpful Girl

  • You know what...you and I have been on the same dating site or two...I just can't picture where...Girls go through this just as much as guys. I've done it...it has been done to me. It apparently sucks on both ends. I think that maybe someone enjoyed your company and was open to the idea of friendship...but maybe felt the other was pushing for more. Also, I think because this has become a "cyber" world...its made a date...a dime a dozen as you have said. People feel like there are so many options that they just "go with it" but in the end there is no substance to anything because of this mentality. Also, I think when people meet people from the internet they are extra "picky" cause it feels scary. I agree, people should be able to communicate better. I'm sorry that has happened to you.

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    • Match.com or PlentyofFish.com? Those are the ones I have used. Thank you for your well thought out response, I kind of assumed it happens to girls, where the guy ignores you, everybody knows the infamous stigma of guys never calling back, lol. And ya, you've nailed it right on the head, internet dating has made people too picky and unappreciative of the dates they go one because they're a 'dime a dozen', they're really not in reality. Thanks again for your comment!

    • Wow, hang on a minute. For girls, maybe dates you got online are a dime a dozen. For guys, it's much harder to get dates... online and not online. If anything, it makes you appreciate the dates you get even more. I will agree that going online has made people more picky.

    • :) yes...pof and match..Let me clarify just a tad...for the one comment.. dates aren't that plentiful to be a dime a dozen but so many people have walked in and out of my life that you know someone will come along again. I didn't say that I always met "quality" people. Many times I'm not all too impressed or it even dies out during the texting process. I want substance, it's interesting that men think they have a harder time on dating sites? Really? It seems like its so in your court.

What Girls Said 13

  • I always just told the guy from the beginning (even before a first date. Just in the talking stage) if I'm not really interested. Usually they were really nice about it, and thanked me for letting them know that way they could keep looking for someone else. I have no clue why a girl wouldn't just tell a guy. If you don't tell them you are wasting both his and your time.

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  • If a guy contacts me, I try to answer. If I don't text right away it does not mean that I am not interested or playing games, maybe I did not hear my phone or things came up. Unless a guy wants a stay at home wife where he supports her and the children, I honestly find that a lot of men expect too much from a women that works and has her own life. I can not be there for them exactly when they want/need and vice versa. Then we just drift apart. I have accepted this. Yes, I realize that relationships take work but I think that if a man finds a woman with more time and touch to give he will drift quickly from the one that does not.

    Back to your question. I can spend all night chatting with someone I would see as a good friend but lacks what I think would be a good partner for me and I do not want to waste his time. That is why I always try to ask, would you like to go out again or something like that at the end. The answer will be a good indicator.

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  • I picked A.

    I would be afraid to hurt his feelings..however, I would let him know in some way, that

    I am not interested...

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  • I suspect it is the same reason guys don't tell a girl they are not interested after the first date. I have had first dates where this has happened and ususally the feeling was mutual so no harm done, it was a relief not to hear from them. If a guy asks me out again and I am not interested, I will tell him I am not interested. Not in a mean way though.

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  • Not every girl is like this, after my first date I was unsure so when he asked again I said yes to see if it would clear up my feelings it didn't so when he dropped me home I told him I just what to be mates. So instead of insulting the younger people than you why don't you figure out why they just ignore you. It could also be they don't want to hurt your feelings.

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    • I wasn't insulting younger people than me lol, I was born in 1981, and I am addicted to the internet and it has led to anti-social behaviors, I'm not saying you're a bad person if you're avoidant of confronation, it's fairly normal, I'm just saying that it's something this generation needs to be aware of and work on, including myself. Thanks for your post!

  • Personally, I would just say it, but I get why other girls don't. It really sucks t have to tell somewhone that likes you that you don't like him. So they think it's easier to just ignore him or maybe even better for the guy because then he might think she just didn't get the texts instead of having to face the truth that she's not into him.

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  • I don't do that. I don't even think I'm CAPABLE of pretending to be interested in a guy I don't like. I'm always very straight forward about whether or not I'm interested.

    I hate that, too. I hate passive aggressive people more than anything.

    I've encountered something like that before. But the guy was a huge a**hole and took it a step furthur. He actually told me that he was interested, when he really wasn't.

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  • i did the avoiding thing too, but eventually I tell them. it's just better to do a clean break.

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  • I ignored a guy once. It was all me. I was f-ed up with stress and another guy I really loved He was fine I just didn't want to deal..
    At another time in my life I would ve acted different I was just depressed and afraid to talk

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  • Because we ( or you can say me ) don't like to hurt his feelings.

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  • A combination of A and B and then B wins out

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  • A. I didn't want to hurt his feelings...I eventually told him though.

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  • Sometimes you just aren't sure how you feel. Also, like men, women may be casually dating several men and not know which one she's going to end up liking the most. I agree, I'd never leave a guy hanging ... but sometimes he is so insistant that I've had to end up ignoring him. Also, I've had guys who whine, beg, yell and be a general jackass that you don't want to see him again after 1-3 dates. Guys expect to get their way and sometimes it's a lot of emotional energy to deal with you fellas.

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What Guys Said 9

  • I used to ignore people when I was younger, and I will actually admit I was a complete and utter douchebag then as well (I went to hospital for my crimes (not actual crimes just being a douchebag)). My reasoning at that point was that, I don't feel like contacting them again... period... And that was it... pretty stupid I know.

    But, I also put a lot more emphasis on the first date back then than I do now as well. I understand first impressions count, but I kinda found out that often first impressions weren't accurate. Whether they were nervous, or uncomfortable, or tongue-tied, doesn't really matter, but I felt on many of the first dates I went on, it was a situation of show and tell, without showing or telling anything about themselves (i.e. how can I impress on them how awesome I am). I kinda saw someone for who they really were on the 2nd, 3rd or even 4th date, drawing the personality out was like pulling on taffy.

    I know its a drawn out process and many guys probably prefer to not take this route and cut it quick and clean, or just quickly... But I usually place less emphasis on the first date nowadays, thinking of it as just a friendly chance to meet someone new without too much pressure, and give a person a few oppurtunities before I or they decide we don't really click that way.

    Dates don't come along very often for me, so I tend to place more value in them than most. But, even then, I think valuing a date is moot, because every person you will meet will interact with you differently. I think it should be a case of quality and completely ignore quantity. Savour the dates that you do get, give them your full attention, and if it doesn't click, don't be afraid to let them know, honesty is appreciated.

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  • Well, even if the girl has some reservations about your character, maybe she wants to give you a chance to regroup, have a change in attitude, and come back a wiser man. So if she let you know you didn't like you after a subpar first date, well she's slamming the door in your face. No need to burn any bridges unless there's a clear and pressing reason.

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  • I feel ya, man. It bugs me too. It's just as bad as applying for a job, going to an interview. And the employer never getting back to you as to whether or not they liked you. But I think that part of the reason they ignore confrontation is that when they want to avoid an annoying, clingy guy who won't take no for an answer. Instead of risking going through all that, they just assume avoid all contact. That's my theory.

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    • Ya that's exactly right! I didn't even think of that comparison, but it's spot on, I've applied to many jobs in the past and the ones who were not interested in hiring me just didn't contact me back, I even consider it 'normal procedure' at this point, lol. I can see your point on the girls wanting to avoid an annoying, clingy guy like you said, but why assume that every guy they date is going to be annoying and clingy? That's just plain predjudiced, pre-judging. You have a good theory there

    • i agree with you both, you couldn't have put it in a better way. I also too having a hard time finding a job much less finding a date. But in today's society its set up to make it harder for us men.

  • Doesn't anyone believe in just being HONEST now days ? Geez...No one should be hurt if after one date, the other person tells them they don't feel anything. C'mon MAN ! Or as Mike Ditka would say on ESPN ... STOP IT !

    If you don't think it's going to work...have the balls to tell the other person ! Don't just let them wonder if you still want to see them.

    Grow up Kids.

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  • So they can keep getting free dinners. That's what my experience has been...

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  • Because they want MONEY!

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  • because girls don't have to "show their cards", in fact they dont.

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  • Well now isn't it so much easier to just take out the hard part of saying no? Think about it, and think about this too. Who is gonna admit to that, now think about how many answers are complete rubbish on this page.

    Oops did I just give away a secret, shame on me!

    True story.

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  • This is what I think, first get off the dating sites, try to approach a woman in person and get to know her, this lessons the chance of their not being a physical attraction. Man if that's happening to you a lot you need to try to find out what are they not liking about you. Could it be your personality, looks, job/career, are you coming on strong or appearing desperate, this is what you need to find out. Are you meeting women with different goals or back grounds, it could be various reasons that they are not responding after the first date. Focus on why they are not responding then focus why they should. Good look!

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    • I think that this just is an answer to an other question :P

    • Thanks for your post, I use dating sites to supplement meeting girls in person, because it's often difficult to find a single woman in my age range who I am attracted to, and then approach her in that very moment, it's something many introverted guys deal with. And trust me, I am constantly self-analyzing and being critical of myself, trying to figure out what I'm doing wrong, I even ask the dates straight up sometimes, it's all a game of live and learn and self-improvement.

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