Is it bad for me to be upset when my girlfriend grinds with other guys?

Hey

I need some advice that I can't seem to get a answer too.

I have been with my girlfriend for 2 months now and we are going great. except...

I don't like when she grinds with random guys at the club when we go together and if I'm not with her. I don't care if its her close guy friends that I know as well. She loves to dance and she knows how to work it. I don't dance with other women because I want to be treated with the same respect. On Friday night, I asked her to just dance with me tonight and I'll dance with you as much as you want. We both danced for a little bit and later in the night she would run off and grind with a random guy in the club. This happened four times that night.

Its a insecurity for me because the last four women I have dated have all cheated on me, and the very last one cheated on me with my best friend of 5 years. It makes me uncomfortable for her to grind on other guys.

I do trust this girl because we have been waiting to have any type of physical relationship so far.

When I talk to her about it, she doesn't believe she is doing anything wrong. She just thinks its dancing. I believe grinding is completely sexual.

It makes me upset that she won't respect me. Am I in the wrong?

She is upset with me that she is independent and she feels that she can do what she wants (to a extent) and that she thinks "why don't you trust me" & "I thought you trusted me"

What should I do and what to think?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I don't think it's appropriate to just come out and assume this girl is a 'whore', just because she likes to dance with other people than her boyfriend. For some couples, this would not be a big deal. Everyone is going to have a different take on it. For example, yourself and your girlfriend. She thinks it's OK and that if you bring it up you are making a big deal out of nothing. You think it's inappropriate and that she shouldn't behave that way because you don't, out of your respect of your girlfriend and your relationship. Neither of you are wrong. However, if this is one of your boundaries, something you don't want to deal with in a relationship, then you shouldn't have to deal with it. If she wants to be with you and treat you right, in this instance, she needs to respect your wishes and dance with only you. She needs to put your best interest first, and any person who truly wants to treat you right and knows how, will ALWAYS put your best interest first (assuming their needs are being met as well). So tell her what you need from her, if she can't give it to you, then it may be time to reacess your relationship. If she wants to continue dancing with other dudes, then she needs to be single or find a boyfriend whose boundaries would allow her to do so.

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    • There's a difference between dancing with other people and grinding honey.

    • It doesn't matter what kind of dancing it is, what matters is how it affects the people in the relationship. One guy might get pissed if his woman did the Waltz with a guy, while the next one might not even care if his girlfriend gave a dude a lapdance. I'm well aware of what grinding is, HONEY

    • Great answer...honey :) hahah

What Girls Said 7

  • You should take a stand and tell her what you feel and think. And grinding on other guys is NOT in ANYWAY acceptable and you shouldn't trust her if she does it in front of you knowing you don't like it. If she doesn't stop then you deserve better, get out of the relationship before she adds on to the women who have cheated on you.

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  • if you feel uncomfortable with it, she should respect it. end of story. when she knows that it upsets you, and she does it anyways, it's telling you "i don't really care how my actions make you feel". I'd never do that to my boyfriend if he were uncomfortable the least bit about it

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  • I absolutely agree with you.

    I think your girlfriend is a selfish attention whore who needs to get her behavior in check. She should be more considerate of your feelings and of why you feel that way to begin with. Maybe you did trust her until she started giving you a reason not to. Grinding is sexual. Even if the girl doesn't intend it to be...you're rubbing your ass on a guy's d*ck and he's going to get hard. IT'S SEXUAL. Duhhhh!

    Her behavior is totally selfish and disrespectful. I would dump her if I were you. All that "I'm independent" talk is bs. Independence doesn't mean you have the right to be totally selfish and inconsiderate of your partner's feelings. When you want to be like that, you don't need to be in a relationship . Seriously, leave her. The fact that she even does it right in front of your face is messed up.

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  • I think you're completely justified in being upset. And I agree, grinding is not dancing - it is sexual. Like the other users have said, take a stand with this. Don't let her bully you by asking, "why don't you trust me?"

    Grinding certainly cannot be such an integral part of her life that she's unwilling to give it up, especially grinding with other guys. Talk to her, let her know how you feel and don't back down when she argues with you.

    Good luck.

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  • ya there is a difference in grinding and dancing and no girl with a boyfriend should be griding on anyone... you should ask her why she feels that its okay and tell her its not something you can deal with and if she can't stop you will have to leave.

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  • For me I know grinding with guys that aren't my bf doesn't mean I want to sleep with them. It's just a lot of fun, and usually happens to me while I'm dancing without even knowing at first.

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  • I think there's a perfect four letter word to desribe her... sorry kid but it's true.

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What Guys Said 2

  • All depends on how you established DO's & DON'T's in your relationship. If you're asking that it probably means you are not OK with her doing that, so tell her to stop. That you're not OK with it. Don't let her sucker you into "don't you trust me?" BS.

    Lay out the rules. And then be the man and follow through. Either she follows them or can take a hike. If you can't do that you're setting yourself up to a lot of heartache and drama in the future for as long as you stay in that relationship.

    As for her respecting you... You'll get more respect being more rigid with your rules and telling her about it, than by pretending to be liberal when you're not and hiding it from her.

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  • She has disrespected you big time. Dump that whore, she will (and probably already has) f*** other guys behind your back. And she turns it around to nake you feel guilty. Seriously, she is a nasty piece of trash. Go get a better girl. But if you like it stay with her and enjoy being a wimp.

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