MEN versus not manly men?

Okay, I'm not talking about boys here. I'm talking about MEN. The kind of guys you refer to when you say "be a man" or "take it like a man." The independent, confident guys who are never caught dead whining about something. You all should know what I mean.

Well, I've been dating for a bunch of years now, and it seems like I always attract... well... whiners. My dad calls them "wimps." They are insecure and depend on me for confidence and happiness, and they agree with everything I say. It's nice for a while but after a while it's a huge turn off. I end up feeling kind of like a babysitter for them.

So I genuinely want to know:

1. Girls, are you dating/attracted to 'men' or 'wimps'? (Sorry, I really wish I could find a better name than wimps. Even though I personally don't like them, I'd rather not portray them in such a biased way. Forgive me!) Why do you prefer one to the other?

2. Boys, which category would you say you fall under? Why? How much success do you have with girls?

Thanks for answers! I'm just really curious if either of the categories have more success with dating than the other (and, as you know, GAG is a totally legit place for research).


Most Helpful Guy

  • I was raised in a bit of an old fashioned way (not the women belong in the kitchen way though!), so my grandpa made sure to teach me that I am my own man, treat women with respect, show no respect to those who simply call themselves men because they have a d***, never let anyone walk over you, take only that which I have honestly worked for, hold true to my opinions and only make promises I can keep. How is my success with women? If getting with one no matter how much I like her would involve me trampling over my principles or the way I was raised, it's not gonna work out. I come from a very culturally traditional European family so I'll be sure to be the man that my ancestors would have wanted. Sure I make mistakes, but the difference is I acknowledge my mistakes and try to better myself.

    I guess my success with women would be...average? Don't know what you would consider successful and why.

    So as far as these categories go I'm not some macho poser douche bag neither am I a whiny kid. However, calling anybody a man who needs a woman to make himself feel like a one is laughable at best. True men are judged on their principles and their willpower to uphold those principles, nothing else.

    • That's all fine but she is talking about being a man to a woman, not his priciples. She's talking about being weak and having little to know balls when he's dating a woman. He can come from a great family and have principles and willpower, but if he's submisive and not sure of himself, where does that get him?


Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 3

  • I'm a wimp in recovery.

    There are not many good _men_ around nowadays. Boys in our society are NOT raised to be men, we actively discourage it, they are told to be good, sweet, nice, BOYS. Some of them rebel and become a**hole men, but its a long path to becoming a good man, because good guys usually start off as 'nice guys'.

    • Regarding success with girls ... Hmm. I had a long relationship, broke up, asked out my wife, and ended up marrying her. I had a little fooling around with others in gaps. When I say 'wimp' really in day to day life I was okay, though still maturing, my problem was in a long term relationship with women. I was basically raised to be too nice and also didn't learn as a kid to handle conflict. My home growing up ... nobody yelled. Everyone was pretty nice and reasonable.

    • So I never learned growing up to handle conflict, and just avoided it/backed down WAAAY too much when in a relationship. I still back down too much, but I've improved a lot, though its hard, because now I'm IN a relationship where there were bad precedents. Stack in other crap going on and its tough going. I'm not sure to what extent I'd still be 'working on this' vs. 'done' if I was in a new relationship.

  • I would like to believe that I am a 'man'. Just because I'm not the typically 'manly jock type', (being more of a creative person) doesn't mean that I don't have any of the qualities described above.

    As of girls, well I'm just as successful as the next guy. You win some, you lose some.

    • Yeah of course, I didn't mean to imply that all men are athletes. In fact, the one boy I dated who I considered to be a "man" was a band geek haha.

  • I have had a lot of success with women, and I have good career, women think I'm really good looking to a point at initiating eye contact first. I think insecure men don't think they are worthy of a woman and need her to define his manhood. Agreeing with her all the time, giving her everything she wants, not having a opinion turns women off, yet they still wonder what they did wrong. It's all ways "I gave her my all" or "I gave her everything", not realizing that's not what the woman wants, not realizing she wanted him to wear the pants, if she wanted a woman she wouldn't have been with him.

    • Wow dude, that explains so much. You hit the nail right on the head I think. :D

What Girls Said 3

  • Well we all can be whiners at once in our lives, but I completely understand what you're saying. But these days there are no REAL men; sorry guys but its 100% honesty. I go to school in the city, and I see A LOT of stockbrokers, nice looking, muscly, chiseled features like a god (hypothetically speaking), you'd think the nice black suit and the nice tie, with their shiny briefcase and their shoes would match the attitude. Youd be wrong my dear, they whine like little bitches when you stand in their way or don't say "excuse me" OR if you don't bag their lunches the right way, DO YOU HONESTLY NEED A BAG FOR YOUR STUPID LUNCH IF YOURE GOING ACROSS THE STREET?!

    But really I don't think I would be lonely without a man in my life, I mean, yeah its nice to have them for sex, comfort, communication, a friend. But in honesty they don't DO everything anymore, you could live without a man in your life, just have a good career, a great house and throw yourself a party and date around. I'd do that if I had a good career.

  • i'm not attracted to wimps at all. like I am literally just not sexually or romantically feeling them at all, I see them like brothers but not someone I wanna be with. and when I meet a guy and he shows traits of being a wimp or a whiner, I lose attraction to him. I think subconsiously I like a strong dominating type of guy, so if a guy can't lead me then I just lose interest and I'm like whatever about him. I don't wanna feel like I'm the one wearing the pants

    • I think a lot of girls feel that way, including me,

  • Don't worry, the way women are alienating men these days we'll be lucky if they bid us the time of day. There are plenty of loud mouth macho losers out there. Bring one home. Your Dad will be pleased.