How come all of my friends have good bfs and I have no one ?

Whats wrong with me , I'm not ugly, I'm a graduate student, I am funny, social, why am I still single for over a year and not have sex fr 8 months yet all 3 of my bffs have older mature amazing bfs that would walk the earth for them? and guys never approach me at bars...only them...and they aren't single ! help what's wrong with me ?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Who knows. I work with two girls who recently complained at a holiday get-together about the singles scene. It occurred to me they were insufferable petty ****s despite being very pretty.

    I say you should put yourself out there with a very light heart and a smile. Alone. Sit at the bar by yourself, order something yummy and a drink and watch TV. Act friendly. Or be proactive and introduce yourself to men you like. Or... be realistic about who you are and what you expect to find. Don't be like that girl I went to high school with who is divorced with 2 kids and will not date anyone that makes less than $100k. And she's maybe a 6 on a scale of 1 to 10. Gotta watch out for those unrealistic expectations. And remember this is about making a personal connection with someone. You're not trying to impress them, and this isn't a job application.

    Just some pointers I find older single people tend to overlook...

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    • I agree with a lot here...sometimes attractiveness can be overruled by a not so sparkling personality...and yes...if people date it should be for substance and not materialistic reasons such as income...but I wouldn't be brave enough to go to a bar and order a drink (that part I would)...but not introduce myself to people while I was alone...but I agree dating should not mirror a job interview! But we don't know if that's what's happening...do you try different pubs?

    • Im always going to different places but same things happenes

    • Men aren't that different than women. If approaching a guy intimidates you - trust me, the reverse can intimidate us. What is critical is you have to be alone if you want guys to approach you. It is infinitely easier to get shot down with no one looking than it is to get shot down in front of an audience. So make it easy on him. As for asking guys out... go for it. Guys are VERY forgiving. You don't even have to be that charming. And if you fail... who will remember in a week? No one.

What Guys Said 4

  • well both of those time spans are not long at all really, so maybe your mind set is a bit not in line with what decent men would want for a relationship

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  • well why try to approach them..there is nothing wrong with a girl approaching a guy. why play the waiting game you know

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    • true ! but at the same time my friends have no problems having many guys go to them so why do I have to do the work

    • yeah but don't pay attention to that..just focus on yourself instead. don't worry about what they doing

  • Ha! You got me. I have the same problem. To make things worse, people are often surprised to learn I'm single.

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    • yeah I don't know what it is

  • put yourself out there more. don't be so anonymous lol and you could meet someone. I know it takes effort but it will all work out in the end.

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What Girls Said 2

  • One is confidence. I got hit on more when I was with a girl than I was with by myself at bars. However shy guys approach me after months of knowing them and they prefer confessing to me alone. For some reason guys tend to also try to hit on girls when they are taken, which irritated me quite a lot since suddenly all of my ex and guy friends wanted to date me -after- I just got into a relationship. Whether it be pheromones or happiness that attracts them, it could be also that they respect or are wary of you at bars.

    Bars aren't the best place to pick up a prince charming. They might be afraid that they are out of your league or don't want to sleep with you because they assume you're not that kind of person who will allow a one night stand. It's complimentary that guys won't try to get in your pants because they respect and care about you. They are just keeping it quiet in their head about wanting to sleep with you, though. Thoughts about being in a relationship however is rare during a first hookup.

    Oh and there are some unhappy moments for your friends with their relationships but they keep it to themselves.

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  • If men aren't approaching you in "bars" then maybe count your blessings! A pub can be a way to socialize and meet people but maybe meeting them in another place would work a little bit better. Sometimes when men go out drinking with their guy friends...they aren't looking to meet women in a bar. Many times if they do it is for a one night stand...if that's what you want...then fine. However, when you go out...how is your demeanor...how is your appearance? When we are a little younger we tend to be more "clubby" and as we get older more "classy" but appropriate for the night scene...black pants, heels, a nice top, rhinestone bracelet versus mini shirt to the thigh and a halter...not sure what your style is...just strike an age appropriate balance...one that conveys "I'm sexy, I'm also a lady". Demeanor...not sure what your style is...I"m sure you have a great personality but you have to talk to people in order for them to see it. How did your friends meet their wonderful guys? Did they meet in a bar? Or through friends? Or through the internet? Through school? Maybe at some point...they can introduce you to someone who may be a good fit, who you deserve! I doubt their is anything wrong with you...there are so many factors that could be going on here...

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    • They have met their guys doing a play, the other two at karoake bars, When I go out I dress in long stylish shirts with leggings and heels, I am super thin so I don't have much of a shape lol, just hips; no butt or boobs. I def don't dress slutty. However, I feel insecure that my other friends get hit on more you know ? I am kinda shy at first but I'm not antisocial if someone talks to me; I can keep a conversation. I guess there can be many factors, I just take it personal

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