Is OK to break dating rules sometimes?

OK so , is it OK to text a guy a small text the day after a date, to let him know you are interested...i just said " well I am just letting you that I am interested, and placing the ball in your court"...Its my way of letting them know I am interested ( Because some guys assume not) but not being pushy. Does this come off as desperate?

Updates:
yea I just erased hs number...i ruined it as usual. I need to be done with dating anyway
dating never goes well for me
"(insert my name) f'ed up dating life Part Two" coming to a theatre near you...*cue dramatic music...ba ha ha ha

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Well if your goal is attraction then you've failed. :(

    The problem with this is that it's boring. And boring kills attraction. This tells him how you're feeling and leaves him no room to wonder... and wondering about how you feel plants you into his head... all night.

    I would prefer something like this...

    " I'm so full, how do you feel? :) "

    I would like something like this because it initiates chatting, which tells me she's into me.

    But being direct is actually okay, as long as it's attractive.

    How about something like this?

    "I had a fun time tonight! AND You looked super cute. :) "

    or

    "Let's do that again... and please wear that yummy cologne again!"

    Flirting is more fun and it still tells him that you're interested without being boring...

    ~ Robby

    My Blog ( link )

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    • always expert advice...def suggest reading this guys blog too, it has helped me out a lot

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    • * wow, he texted...with smiley faces, asking me out on another date. he has smiley faces in each text. He apologized for not contacting me sooner. *shocked*

    • Turns out you're kinda flirty and you didn't even know it. ;)

      Most guys will reply to any kind of text if you're already attractive in "real" life... so it sounds like you're not going to have any problems. :)

What Guys Said 22

  • The rules for dating are counterproductive. If you are seeking someone who is actually compatible with you, hiding behind formalities will only complicate the process because you won't be able to figure out each others' uniquenesses.

    And don't worry so much about having a bad record so far. It's never over.

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    • "its never over" ha ha , and the saga continues lol

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    • If there's one thing I know all about it's having to hide your true self to not be shunned by others. It does suck.

    • Sent you a message by the way that will explain more what I mean about that =)

  • yes it comes off as desperate...DO NOT text him that...

    just tell him you had fun and you hope to see him again, IFFFFFFFFF you text him anything...

    by saying "im just letting you know I'm interested..." it just sounds so...desperate...

    youre the girl, let him do the wondering...saying anything you just said in your quotes is just too forward and like hey I like you so the ball is in your court, its your turn to say if you like me or not...its just childish kinda...

    just be cute and nice and flirty...that should get your point across...maybe say youd like to see him again if he brings anything up about the date

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    • ok well I texted him this 5 minutes prior to posting this...i screwed up. so I am deleting his number ...obviously its a lost cause

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    • * wow, he texted...with smiley faces, asking me out on another date. he has smiley faces in each text. He apologized for not contacting me sooner. *shocked*

      Report

    • just take it slow...dont rush anything

  • Rules? Rules? Are there supposed to be rules?

    > is it OK to text a guy a small text the day after a date, to let him know you are interested

    Seriously, offering feedback is easier than guessing games.

    Remember this well: contrary to the belief of many women, GUYS CANNOT READ YOUR MIND.

    Simple as that. Your feedback is quite helpful.

    It shouldn't be seen as pushy or desperate, but rather out of courtesy, communication is helpful.

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  • Did you make the "rules"? Rules that you do not agree with, especiallly ones involving your lasting happiness are meant to be questioned and bent.

    With my most recent relationship, we did not break the rules as we saw them because we do not agree with those rules. For us, honesty and openness trumps the rules.

    Do what is comfortable for you. If the guy can't appreciate your directness, he probably is not worthy of the real you.

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  • Number 1 rule of dating: Stop thinking that there are rules for dating.

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  • Skyler123 wrote :

    18 hours ago

    WTF...that's not true AT ALL. I went on a date with a guy just last week. He text me the next day and he has not yet once come off as desperate or "TOO nice". I think it's a great thing to show someone you like them a lot without feeling like you're coming off too strong. If you like that person then those feelings they are displaying towards you will be reciprocated.

    And also he is fairly handsome so I doubt he is desperate. So getting a girlfriend would not be an issue. :P

    I said if he's SPAMMING you it would come off as desperate.You know stuff like the following...

    "Had a great time, How bout you?"

    "Yes"..."cool"

    "So what you gonna do now?"

    "Hello?"

    "You still there"

    **incoming call

    HEY!

    I hate people like that.

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  • it could but probably will not and I don't see the point of the rules anyways dating is game of people the rules can always backfire so what's the point? you take a chance at missing out on an opportunity for a rule that may screw u, you might as well date case by case like anything else

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  • Omg you ruined it .. You should not talk about balls after a date :) .

    Seriously , I don't think that it will be a big deal to him if he likes you :)

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    • i also agree with this...but for future references try not to text like that... :)

    • * wow, he texted...with smiley faces, asking me out on another date. he has smiley faces in each text. He apologized for not contacting me sooner. *i am shocked*

      Report

  • If I were you I wouldn't have texted him AT ALL, until a day or so later. This serves a twofold purpose.

    1.It inspires his mind and makes him "work" for you and makes him wonder and more anxious to see you again.

    2.By not immediately responding you can see if HES the one that's desperate. If a guy is spamming you or hitting you up just after the date, you KNOW he's desperate, is probably TOO much of a nice guy, AND will overdo it if you respond further so wait and let him contact you instead.

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    • WTF...that's not true AT ALL. I went on a date with a guy just last week. He text me the next day and he has not yet once come off as desperate or "TOO nice". I think it's a great thing to show someone you like them a lot without feeling like you're coming off too strong. If you like that person then those feelings they are displaying towards you will be reciprocated.

      And also he is fairly handsome so I doubt he is desperate. So getting a girlfriend would not be an issue. :P

  • I rather date a girl that follows her rules and intuitions than a girl that follows societies...

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  • I'll be the minority here - what you've said does not sound desperate... you've spoken your mind, and not doing that "light and flirty" or "casual" crap that society deems as morally acceptable

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  • Not a bad idea...you just don't have to be so explicit. Just saying "had a good time...would like to do it again!" or some thing.

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  • I, for one, don't care about dating rules. They mean nothing to me. People should not follow a guide of unwritten rules. Do what you feel comfortable with. If you feel comfortable sending that text to him then by all means send it.

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  • If I were the guy you sent the message to, I would be licking my mobile screen after reading that message (of course if I liked you)

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  • nothing wrong at all, why does the guy have to be forward with everything?

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  • I wouldn't care but it is a bit boring. Don't feel bad about it you made a blunder nobodies perfect.

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    • Soooo her hiding her interest in him in hopes that he will ask her to be his girlfriend is more interesting? How would the guy know she actually wants to be his girlfriend if she doesn't show some kind of sign. HINTING sure ain't gunna cut it. We know how you men are about hints. After all, you guys ask us to be honest but when we are it's a blunder? No wonder some women lie so much. LOL

  • It doesn't come off as desperate

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  • I wish Wish WISH girls were this direct

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    • She is a girl and like her I am just as direct. I let a guy know flat out I like them. It all depends on who you meet. ;)

  • you're asking if you can text a guy in between dates? wow... I hoped people would grow out of peer pressure and social rules in their 20s.

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  • don't be so straight forward like that..might scare him away..just say "I had fun last night :-) "

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  • Being a guy I would think what you said is kind of forward. I would suggest you use something like "I really enjoyed the convo tonight...it''s good to talk to a person that I have a lot in common with". That to me is showing interest while being subtle about it.

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  • Interested and placing the ball in your court?

    Wow that sounds so not fun and aggressive. Plus you say YOU are interested but tell him HE needs to do something, it's not even logical.

    Why don't you just stay simple and thank him for the date, say you had fun. And then a little compliment about him (cute hair, eyes etc...).

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What Girls Said 13

  • I know that dating "rules" gets a bad rap but the reality is that there are social cues that say a lot about us and if we don't really understand the reason behind the rules, we should try to follow these "rules".

    So, yes, your text was unnecessary. I don't know that it was harmful but it may have been. I personally avoid texting a guy after a date like the plague. Not that I did not do it a few times but I quickly learned that a) if a guy was interested enough in me and I was friendly on our date, no further encouragement was necessary b) any guy that needs a verbal indication of our interest in them is really just not that in to us and c) no guy that I would feel compelled to send a text like that to would be worth dating.

    So, with your text you told him things he should already know. I am sure you showed him on your date that he was someone you enjoyed spending time with and the ball is in his court, he doesn't need to be reminded of that. A guy who is in to you will need little encouragement to call for date 2. Sending a text like this just makes you look needy and typically leaves you, the sender, feeling embarrassed and bummed out.

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    • * wow, he texted...with smiley faces, asking me out on another date. he has smiley faces in each text. He apologized for not contacting me sooner. *shocked*

      Report

  • I think you need to slow down and take a look at yourself. I used to be you only a month ago. I chase guys and honestly, you just end up with crappy guys, hence why you are chasing them. Try slowing down and find you. Fill your voids with things you love and find what interests you and stop looking! By looking for love, you are only taking all of the magic and fun out of love when it actually comes! Try finding yourself first, gain some confidence, and be flirty and fun. Don't expect anything from anything, take life for what it is. I found that I am so much happier where I am in life if I just make friends. Forget being in relationships that you deep down don't even want. Do you honestly even truly like this guy? I mean really, how well do you know him? I bet if you actually slowed down, became friends, and saw him for true face value that you probably wouldn't even really like him! Love yourself and let someone see you for the beauty that you are :) One day he will come and you'll realize you didn't even chase him because you didn't need to. It came naturally without games or rules, just as it should. Best of luck love!

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  • Why'd you delete his number already? You don't know for sure if you've ruined things yet... it sounds like your biggest problem is being too impulsive. Sending the message before thinking it through, deleting his number before giving him a chance to respond and decide for himself whether or not he thought the move was desperate. It sounds like if you just learned how to take a more laid-back approach to dating you'd have better luck. Also, you might find some of this advice useful: link

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  • whoa you are putting way too much pressure on him... SHOW him you are interested, when guys say they want girls to be direct it doesn't necessarily mean blurt out whatever you're feeling, pursue what you want and don't be afraid of how he reacts.

    @updates, why are you being so dramatic bout this? you deleted his number.. why? because you are embarrassed? what if he really liked you?

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  • Your intention was good but it doesn't sound good, and that's important in a text, you want what you say to have good intent but also sound good to the ear- what you wrote made it seem as if you are already planning your futures together which is fine but not something the guy wants to hear after a first date. It should flow naturally and not be as controlled as that. You can say something though like you had a really good time and you'd like to see him again (that is still pretty forward but better than "I'm placing the ball in your court.") That sounds too formal and pushy, good luck!

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  • as a woman I wouldn't do that. you might scare him off and come off as being too desperate. am old school, I enjoy being chased.

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    • * wow, he texted...with smiley faces, asking me out on another date. he has smiley faces in each text. He apologized for not contacting me sooner. *shocked*

      Report

    • thats's great always practice patience, trust it pays off.

  • i'd let him text me afterwards.. it might come across very desperate it you say those things.. if you do say anything.. don't be 2 forward.. say like hey that wuz fun.. see ya latr or something.

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  • Not like that.. I'd find that scary.

    Text something like: "Hey, had a great time last night," or something.

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    • * wow, he texted...with smiley faces, asking me out on another date. he has smiley faces in each text. He apologized for not contacting me sooner. *shocked*

      Report

    • Good for you :D

  • Don't get discouraged. You learn every time you f*** up. I've ruined a lot of potential relationships for myself. And I regret it, A LOT. But, you can't change the past. Only thing you can do is learn from it. So I figure I'll get what I want eventually

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  • I think that what you said was a bit much, instead you could have texted him a "hey how are you?" and created a casual conversation with him. what you said sounded like he was in an auction and you were trying to purchase him lol

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  • Yeah that's a little desperate. Why don't you send him a text saying that was a cool date like 2 days later and see if you can squeeze in a second date?

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  • Men have to be in control period point blank! It would be so much easier if we could just say how we feel but saying anything in the dating world these days is considered "moving too fast"

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  • Yeah it does...if you text him just say something like that you had a great time. Something lighter and girly. Doing that is too direct, takes all the fun away, and just looks desperate and too aggressive. Unless he's REALLY crazy about you he'll feel weirded out.

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    • I disagree. From a guys standpoint. It does not look desperate and it's not too aggressive. Is it aggressive? Yeah, but not too aggressive. Being this direct and this straight forward is very attractive. It would look desperate and too aggressive if she simply just asked him if he wanted to have sex. As for taking all the fun away. Not really, all the fun is about to start (flirting and teasing). Not letting the other person know straight up is childish and I would find it a turn off.

    • well from other guys standpoints here it seems they do find it desperate so I guess it would just depend on that ONE certain guy

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