Am I being used or is he slowing it down?

I've been dating a guy for about a month and a half. I made it clear in the beginning I was looking for something meaningful and he said he was too. He's very attractive and I wonder if he's slightly out of my league even though I think I'm attractive too.

It went well the first few weeks. I saw him once or twice a week, even though he was busy with two jobs school and his son on weekends. He made time for me, but always seems uncomfortable and awkward around me.

On the fourth date we slept together, it seemed fast and that he was anxious to have it. After that I saw him less, but he had invited me to a black tie event on our second date and it was two weeks away. We had a great time and I stayed the night again, and again I let it be known I'm not looking to screw around and he was OK with that. He even said he had a great time and the sex was hot.

Now I don't see him as much and he doesn't ask me out. He says he's very busy, but texts me every Monday to check in with texts like, "Hope your weekend was good! So busy this week my boss is out of town and it's the end of the month. TTYS! ;)", but I won't hear from him for days. It's always been just friendly texts.

He's never been really affectionate, hardly touched me till we had sex, and the morning after he seems awkward and distant, but talks to me in bed and takes me to breakfast. He introduced me to all his friends and doesn't seem to mind when I come over.

Now he agrees to see me or if I'm in the area, even acts like he wants to see me, but doesn't ask me out anymore, but when I do see him it's never sexual every time.

Haven't seen him in about a week and text him, "We should get together soon" he text back, "That would be nice! I have to work sat day from 5 to 11, do want you hang out before or after my shift?" I let him choose and he wants me over after so he can work on school stuff before.

So I'm confused. I don't know if he's trying to slow things down and is genuinely busy, or he's damaged, or he's just not interested anymore (or ever was), but why string me along? Especially if we're not having sex every time we see each other? Which is rare.

I want a relationship, but how long do I wait and should I be concerned so early into the situation?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Ladies in my experience have a tad more anxiety in their self perception than men ,you are most likely well with in his league, as you put it.

    The awkward and no touch sides to his persona, smacks to me as a guy of another guy whose parents spanked him when he was growing up, a common enough occurance in a lot of families today, as still it seems acceptable to physically punish boys, later in life this manifests with guys having personal space issues and them not been comfortable initialy with unsolicited physical contact, creepy no doubt but an issue none the less, if you are curious try and ask him if he ever got spanked as a child, odds to bods he did and regularly at that.

    Oh and the biggy sh*t almost forgot to mention it, a lot of us guys are emotional cowards (comes with us not been able to sound them off other people, the whole self sufficient man thing), and when we start getting extremely strong feelings instead of confronting them we can throw our selves into other pursuits ala, work, studies, business ands hobbies, your going to have to snap him out of this as this is where this guys heading ,its one of those "head him off at the pass" things, as he in danger of repeating an all to common theme of not appreciating what he's got until its gone, due to him feeling "intimidated" by his feelings for you.

    Hope this helps and I am only formulating this picture from the information I have gleaned from your post. There may be other mitigating factors that I am unaware of ,but I would hazzard I'm pretty accurate.

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    • That was extremely insiteful...and I like it...maybe I'll give it a little more time.

What Guys Said 2

  • Here is your scenario: you are at a cross roads; you face a road youve been down b4 but it is barricaded off, the second road looks different since youve not been that way b4, it's a new way. but you stand there not moving undecided what to do. You know that the barricaded road that you stand in from of hasn’t been getting you to the place you want to go from taking it b4 and now it's got a barricade. You hesitate and want to go around the barricade even though you know that it won't get you where you want to go.

    Hint: Take a new road.

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    • But did take the new road in the beginning...thought it would change things, but I somehow ended up on the same damn road, if this is the same road...if the guy isn't interested then I need to stop going forward and start over...no, I give up. I can't keep doing this.

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    • Nope I quit. I rarely get asked out. And when I do its some douche that treats me like I'm just a bed buddy. I can't take it anymore. I'm done.

    • that's cause your persona is giving you away. guys treat you the way you expect. heartfelt advice here-work on your self esteem by finding things you really love doing and do them with others of like mindedness.. you will find a different way about things.. remember you come first.. and someone else isn't gonna get you there.. you gotta do what you need to do for YOU.

  • "Busy" always means "I'm not as into you as you are into me, so I'm going to make an excuse as to why I'm not contacting you".

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    • So, why not cut me loose?

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    • Well I waited till the fourth date...if that means anything...So keep sleeping with him and act like I'm his girlfriend or just chill?

    • Doesn't sound like this guy is that into you, as we go back to the original topic. I would ignore him for a bit, be very slow at returning calls, etc. Let him sweat a bit. He might come around that you're a good catch.

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