Do you think my female friend is right?

She sent this message but later said she was kind of drunk. Is she right?

"If you want tough advice, here it is... Please don't get mad ^^;

Most girls don't want to actually date guys like you. You might have the cool style and talking down, and you're tallish and but most women don't like unassertive men. You don't ask girls if it's OK to kiss or what their 'boundaries' are, you figure that out yourself. Never tell any woman you were sexually assaulted by a man. Or that you're a virgin over the age of 25. No offense but most women will assume you are gay or a coward.

Honestly, only total power bitches like guys like you. You're easily controlled and no other women will look twice at you, so you don't threaten their locus of control. Independent women don't want men that eat dinner with their mother and have 'cooking' listed as a hobby on Facebook, let alone feel the need to text their 'girlfriend' (dating for 4 months without sex?) You need to man the hell up and stop acting like you're gay"


Most Helpful Girl

  • idk what context this conversation was in but ole girl was pretty harsh

    but I do agree with some things she said. I'm a girl that doesn't like unassertive men, it comes off like your unsure of yourself and weak. a guy doesn't have to ask me if he's allowed to kiss me. my boyfriend my freshman year of HS did that and I told him it wasn't necessary. you'll know when I DONT want you to kiss me lol.

    she was wrong about never telling a woman about sexual assault, I would never think a guy was a gay or a coward just because that happened to him. I don't hold sexual assault against anyone, it wasn't your fault and you shouldn't be faulted for something you can't control. she was wrong for that. I would however save that personal information for a woman your are very close with, like your wife or fiance.

    a guy doesn't really need to tell me he's a virgin. your sexual business is your own and my mind would start to wonder why he hadn't had sex then. you can say the reason WHY you're a virgin: probably trust issues, insecurity, afraid of intimacy? but again that's something shared with someone very trustworthy and close to u

    If I know I can control a guy I won't respect him. like the type of guy I can say "jump" and he says "how high?" if you are not assertive, then you should take steps to becoming that way. docility isn't attractive

    • What if the man you date prefers to make decisions together and asks for your input a lot on vacation idea or how it'd be nice to spend time together? My friend said real men only meet on their terms and where they want and make the woman follow

    • He doesn't have to ask all the time, just say what you think and if I disagree/dont want to, I'll tell you. but everything doesn't need to be a 50/50 joint decision, I don't mind if he makes most of the decisions honestly


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What Girls Said 6

  • The tough truth is that most of what she said is true, at least in my opinion. However there are a few things that she said I disagree with.

    1. Eating dinner with your mom is sweet, good that you have a good relationship with her.

    2. Cooking is adorable! Use that to cook a girl a meal.

    3. Texting for 4 months without sex is completely acceptable. In person you should make her feel like you want her (in that way), but you should'nt feel that time means anything as far as that's concerned. You will know in person when she is ready.

    Hope this helped! You seem like a nice guy, just know girls will love you the second you show your in control and have confidence! :)

  • That's not bitchy of her at all. What caused her to go on this rampage? Like others have said I don't agree with the sexually assaulted part, that would not make me see a man in a negative light at all. But it is true that women don't like unassertive men. But honestly this chick quite possibly has a stick up her ass. And sorry to hear about the sexually assaulted thing that's f***ed up.

  • truth. except about the sexual assault part. Just don't say it on the first date. also except the cooking stuff and texting.

  • what she has said does have some truth to it depending on the female. I don't agree with the sexually assaulted thing becasue anyone can be sexually assaulted and how you chose to discuss that with others is your business.

    i would be more concerned about her anger towards you. whether she was drunk or not she said a lot of what she really felt and it doesn't seem like she is for you or about you. Don't change who you are someone will love you and be crazy about you just the way you are.

  • She is full of sh*t! My boy was raped, I love him, he is amazing and it won't change how I feel!

  • You got raped by a man? Wow that's pathetic

    • You are one srious heartless bitch. Hope your attitude stays the same if one day by chance you get raped

    • Show All
    • No really it's sad if a grown man can't defend himself from getting raped by another man. Men can't be raped. On some level the QA liked it or was too wussy to fight back and defend himself. What woman wants to be with a man that won't defend her from the same? Like, hello

    • Who said he was a grown man when he gotraped stupid whore. I hope you get arse f***ed with the broken end of a pool cue

What Guys Said 9

  • Let me take a slightly more neutral approach. I'm really sorry you were raped. That's extremely traumatic and if you haven't sought professional help with that, you should and right away. Getting that off the top of the stack is mandatory, in my mind, for a successful relationship.

    Now about the need to man up: within reason, what she says about dealing with women is true--it's easier to get forgiveness than permission. In our culture, we raise women to be sexual submissives and men to be sexual dominants. There are a ton of exceptions but that's the general trend. That said, there are a lot of submissive men out there and if you're one of them, there are organizations where you can find what you need. They are generally composed of kinky folks. Femdoms aren't inclined to go public but they are out there in abundance as are submissive men. The gal who wrote this is clearly looking for a dominant, masterful, probably even forceful (sexually speaking) man and that's her choice. It's just not a fit for you.

  • Instead of asking girls if you can kiss them and what their boundaries are maybe you should flirtingly ask whether or not a girl wants you to treat her gently or rough. If she says gently then go ahead and be the way you are, if she says rough then go ahead and be a little selfish for once.

    I'm personally a bit torn on this subject, I can be a bit unassertive myself at times but I like power bitches so it seems like I'm right where I want to be :P

    Your friend might say that most women won't like guys like us, but then again, do you want to be liked by MOST women or do you want to be liked by the ones that aren't like all the rest?

    If you're acting unassertive because you're afraid of hurting girls or of getting yourself hurt it will just create a barrier between you and them. That's cowardly.

    If you however feel proud about the way you are and feel that you want a girl who likes you for who you are then you're not a coward. You're just being you and if they don't like it then f*** 'em.

    I don't think saying that you're a virgin has to mean you're a gay coward, it could mean you're honest and brave enough to stand for what you truly are, which from my perspective should be considered more manly than forcing yourself to act in a way that makes you uncomfortable. Like the others have said though, it's not something you have to bring up on the first date.

    I say find your own way of being manly.

  • um harsh but close to the truth, basically ,its the old nice guys finish last myth, she has a point though ,been assertive, taking the lead and doing your own thing are a bit more attractive to the ladies (easily remedied by pursuing group activities and hobbies and passions you like, social interaction is key to building the tools that one needs in been able to express ones self and communicate ones desires)

    Not to mention you would probably benefit personally from been a bit more assertive and "self centered" for lack of a better term, she's not giving you this harsh opinion to be a bitch either ,it actually speaks volumes of how much she is concerned for you to be this refreshingly blunt.

    But yeah f*** her about the cooking if that's your thing, plenty of ladies appreciate a guy who has confidence in making his own creations in the kitchen.

    And having a sit down meal with your family actually speaks volumes of you been a well adjusted guy with family values so don't mind her advice on that front either.

    And the assault thing, that's some deep personal stuff that you only discuss if she's "the one" or it manifests itself and effects you in a relationship, as in they may need to know.

  • Just start making more independent decisions regardless of how you think female companion might feel about it. Instead of asking what she feels like for dinner tell her there's a really good Italian place down the street you want to go to. She doesn't like the country music your iPod just put on the stereo in your car? Sounds like a good time to turn it up.

    It's comforting to not have to make all the decisions and let someone decide for you every once in a while. While all the big decisions should be agreed together I've noticed many women enjoy when a man has things under control and knows what he wants. That isn't to say you should be completely organized and planned out. Spontaneity is refreshing and adds a zesty twist on life as well. Just don't try to be overly spontaneous and start suggesting wild outlandish ideas.

  • Well, to an extent she is correct. If you're 100% unassertive and constantly afraid of women, you're not going to attract any.

    Mainly, she's a bitch. She sounds very much so like the "power bitch" she referred to, and it sounds more like she needs to stop getting off on herself.

  • sounds like this girl hates you for some reason...she probably oessessed over you and realizes she's only a friend...jesus pretty cold if you ask me...

    be yourself and be who you are, be confident not cocky...have fun, forget this "friend"

  • Sorry about the whole assaulted thing but...she's right man. You need to act like a man. Sounds like you are really passive and constantly lookin for girls approval. You gotta be a leader and your own man.

  • you have a really cool friend there, don't loose her and take her advice because it's some of the best you will ever get, and it's coming from a female to boot, she must really care about you, as a friend.

  • That's way too coherent for her to have typed out when she was drunk.

    It's also brutally honest.. and if it was a friend that sent this to you, then she clearly felt these were lessons you needed to be told.

    Some of them, I've seen experienced guys tell other guys on GAG. Like don't ask permission for a kiss. Or never tell a girl you were sexually assaulted by a man. Or that women don't like unassertive men.

    Things like "You're easily controlled" aren't just generic pieces of advice like you'd get on GAG. They seem to be specifically directed towards you, by someone who knows you and has your best interests at heart.

    So yeah, to answer your question... she is right. And way more helpful to you than any advice on GAG could have been, because she knows you better.

    It is unfortunate that much of human nature tells me you will ignore her advice.