Guys: how quickly does a guy decide to move on?

So details... first date went very well, we both cancelled our later plans to prolong it. It felt very intense but the problem was he then moved too quickly for me at that point, leaving me confused and pushing him away literally.

After a few days of cooling down, I thought back on it and tried to reach out to him, cos I really am interested. I had explained why I pushed him away and asked to meet. but he doesn't reply. So I left it alone.

Just over 3 weeks later from the first date, he calls, and asks to meet me for dinner, saying he'd like to explain his behavior . I agreed but I had to change the original date he proposed. (I found out later the original date is his birthday...) However, he cancels on the morning of the day by text, cos of a work meeting. And didn't call / contact the rest of the day, though I asked him to call if he still wanted to explain.

Silly me, I thought I managed to move on (it was only 1 date!), but obviously not, I called him the next day. But he didn't answer. I was upset and sent him a text saying I hated games and if he still wanted to talk, to call me by that weekend or don't contact me again.

Obviously he didn't call, kinda expected. Guys, do you think we still have a chance, or would a guy just write this off and try to move on? If you were him, and I tried to reach out to you again, say a week or so later, would you get annoyed instead? We're talking about 40s age group here. :P

Just wondering if guys move on completely quickly or they're open to more communication. In my case, I don't think either one of us is intentionally hurting the other, maybe bad communication and too much emotions.

Thanks!


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What Guys Said 2

  • It sounds like you had a run of bad luck, but that may have left him feeling like you're hot and cold on him, and maybe he is just avoiding the confusion (or maybe he's not sure what to think). Even though you had no way of knowing, he probably feels pretty rejected, first because you pushed him away the first time, and the second because he tried to share his birthday with you (again, you didn't know at the time). He may figure that further exposure of his ego isn't in his best interest.

    Even if someone has feelings, being hurt/rejected early in a relationship makes it easy to move on. There's no way to know for sure if that's what's going on, but IMO it's likely.

    The lesson here is: say what you have to say at the time; don't wait for later, because later may be too late.

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    • Thanks for your answer. I did ask to meet him which he ignored for about 2 weeks. So when he cancelled on the second date, I felt he was playing me and got upset. But it's all said and done. In his position, would you be receptive if I approached you?

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    • At this point, definitely give him some time. It will dissipate any "stalkerish" vibes in the meantime.

    • Hmmm, I literally just left him a message, saying it's been somewhat of a crazy dance but that I do want to see him. Completely hands off now on my part. I just hope I didn't blow it and appear stalkerish...

  • He probably thinks (in his deluded head) that you're a tease and that he doesn't want that. I'm guessing, but the likelihood of that is fairly good.

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    • Haha that never occurred to me, cos personality wise, I'm far in the other end of the spectrum. So do you reckon leaving him alone for a while is best? Or trying to contact him sooner? (may sound too needy, another turn off no?)

    • Nooooo. Don't contact him.. Balls in his court

    • ok, Thanks! :)

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