I want this girl but I don't want to buy her affection. What can I do?

I've been talking to this girl for a few weeks and we really clicked. But we chilled one time and I was very Flirty and she wasn't, now I thinks I just want her for sex but she said she doesn't think that. Now we are more.distant and I don't want to lose her. People told me to take her on a date and pay for everything but I feel I'm buying her affection which I don't want to. I really like her and want to show her that for.free and the problem is she really doesn't want to hang out I guess Because of the sex thing. What should I do to get her back without feeling like a.chump?


Most Helpful Girl

  • Since when was taking a girl on a date the equivalent of buying her affection. Dating is the way you differentiate yourself from being a player or just a friend. Buying expensive gifts or pretty much any gifts other than flowers while you first start dating, that is trying to buy someone's affection. Don't do that.

    I also cannot tell what you want. Your grammar made it pretty much impossible to understand your 2nd sentence. Do you just want to have her for sex? If so, don't date her, that is what people do to start a relationship. However, sounds like she is not down for that so move on to a girl that just wants a fling. I am not a fan of flings but if you are honest with a girl and tell her all you want is sex, well you might find someone who will go along with your plan.

    So get over this idea that dating is about buying affection. Dating is about getting to know each other. And, yes, you are the guy, you should pay but you also get to control what you are paying for. So, keep it cool but within your budget, something that is not extravagant.

    • I want the girl for everything. Its just I don't want her to think I just want her for sex and that I'm taking her out just for sex. How can I make her know she's more than that?

    • Well, for one, take her out on a date. For two, cut back on the flirting and spend more time getting to know her as a person. I don't know your definition of flirting but I have seen some guys who think talking about sex is flirting and sexting is flirting. Neither is flirting. Those are both examples of guys who are just looking for sex. So, put her as a person first, and hold off on anything sexual for now.


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What Girls Said 4

  • Sooo you're saying you just want her as a f*ck buddy...right? I'm not going to give you advice on how to get in this girl's pants if you're not even going to try to pursue a relationship with her. She has feelings and I'm sure she wants a serious relationship, hence her giving you the cold shoulder. The cat's out of the bag so just give up and move on to your next victim.

    • Really? I didn't see that from his post. Maybe I'm clueless. As far as I got, he wanted her (either for dating, or sex). As far as I understood, he was fine with dating her, but not trying to influence her by doing expensive stuff like doing flowers, chocolates, etc. He just said he was very flirty, but she wasn't receptive. My understanding is he wrote that he thought she wasn't flirting back just because SHE thought he was a horn dog.

    • Show All
    • @Betwyn: There is a difference. He prob just wants to sleep with her just once and drop her. OR he could want her as simply a sex partner. That's why I asked. Either way though its still pretty bad.

    • No I didn't want her as a f*** buddy I didn't know what kind of girl she really was. You can't blame me for making moves on a girl I'm with.

  • Don't make a move, wait until she does. That will show her you are not hanging with her for just sex. But she needs to understand, sex is the key component to any romantic relationship, its human nature. Without sex, romance does not exist and you would just end up "friends".

    • I doubt she doesn't know that sex is eventually a part of a relationship and romance, but that comes later. Guys, especially young guys, are in overdrive when it comes to sex and they can run off many a great gal by focusing on sex when they should focus on connecting as 2 people.

  • Make her dinner with whatever's in your house, in fact just go through what you have and make up your own fancy dinner. It'll be fun, also, let her know that your waiting on her and you will and that on this date, it's just dinner and whatever else you plan, besides sex. If you have a Wii or Playstation move, etc, play with that over some drinks after dinner. It'll prove there's more to you.

  • Why do you feel like taking her on a date is buying her affection? I am pretty sure that is still a common social practice, at least in the U.S. and a lot of other countries.


What Guys Said 6

  • Unfortunately, you can't "convince" a girl to date you. She's either interested, or she's not. It takes two people to date, and both have to see some kind of value in sticking with the other.

    Everyone says: Guys ask, girls choose. But that doesn't always have to be the case. If you keep yourself in check, you can "choose" too. In other words, don't fall too hard too quickly. You probably don't really really know her well enough to fall in love (be willing to risk more) yet.

    Some girls have been incredibly rude to me when I've asked them out. Even just a simple compliment. But, I figure that that's their problem, and I move on. Now, if they simply say "no" or act uninterested, but respect me, I give them the benefit of the doubt (and move on).

    I've got this woman that I would have LOVED to date. It's frustrating, but she gives me the run around. I haven't seen her in 6 months, for her being a "close friend." But, I realize that it's been a bit one sided. So, I moved on. I don't hate her, I just don't want someone who's not going to be there. Likewise, you don't want someone who you have to convince to date.

    What helps me get past it is that I figure I like "character." If she's kind and sweet, and then starts acting really cruel... well, you liked the person she was portraying herself to be... at first. You don't beat yourself up over that.

    Best way to think of ideas, and you have to be creative and LISTEN for clues - whatever subject she likes, you think of a date around that. Oh she loves horror films? Perfect! That might be a date down the line. She loves Ice Cream? Good date idea. She loves Pizza? You know a great little pizza place in your area that she'll have to try out ("I'll take you there!"). She's never played BS or Euchre? You can teach her! If she's even mildly interested, you should have a decent conversation where if you listen, you can think of all kinds of great ideas.

    Second is research. You look up cheap date ideas.

    A few would be

    Mini golf at night

    A jog around the park

    You cook for her. This is after you've been dating for a little while.

    Depending on the time of year and your (and her) interests:

    GeoCaching or taking part in a scavenger hunt



    Snowball fight.

    Third, you keep trying to be an interesting person. In general. Not for women, but yourself. Keep aware of the world around you for fun places or fun things to do. Have a great restaurant experience with the best food? Go to a great little tucked away coffee place with a really cool staff? You've got an idea for a great date.

    Good luck.

  • Get a group together and invite her. If it's not just you two, then there's no risk, hopefully she can bring a friend, and then you all can.. I dunno, go play tag or hike or watch a movie. =j Trust me, it can be hard. And be sentimental. lol

  • take her out on a date. doesn't have to be super fancy. Don't go fast food or anything like that, but a decent place for lunch is fine.

  • That's what dates are pretty much about.. So in some ways, money does buy love.

  • Sorry, but that's the game. You take girls out on dates and pay. That's life in the USA, hate it or love it.

  • Toothpaste is out of the tube. Move on, there's abundance in this world.