Did I ruin my chances by coming on too strong?

Hey, so I had a drunken "one night stand" with an acquaintance a while ago. I never got his number but he got mine and made sure I had it the next day. I told him it was fun and we should do it again, he agreed. I then proceeded to ask him out on various dates there on after for a few weeks (about twice a week). He always responded that he "couldn't because he had to work". Finally, as a last effort (well aware I was probably already coming on too strong) I said, "do you want to hang out after work?" And he said "sure," that he is "free the next week on Monday." Then on Sunday he texted me with random questions and we had a nice conversation about ourselves ("What job would you do if you could have any?" "Do you like to travel?"etc...he asked me these kind of questions randomly). It was a solid convo, and I took his initiative as him being interested. So, on Monday we met at a bar, had a beer, and yes to my own suggestion went back to my place. In essence, we hooked up and he slept over. We had good sex, and he was really cuddly. He left the next morning saying "I'll see you tonight, right?" (since I invited him out with a few of my friends the day before he was confirming on his own initiative). Then, that day I texted him to confirm "he made it home okay (he lived far and was busing)", and he didn't respond. Then that evening I texted him the place and time of our evening event and he responded he "was too tired but have fun!", I then said "Well I should be home before too late, do you just want to come over and chill and watch a movie?" He didn't respond so after a few minutes I said "well, If I don't see you before I leave for vacation tomorrow have a good holiday!". Once again, hours later, he didn't respond. In my desperate craziness that night I proceeded to send the death texts of all death texts, "I've been thinking...how do you feel about turning this thing we've been doing into an actual "date" type situation starting fresh with dinner after we get back from break? Last night was awesome but Id like to get to know you beyond the bed sheets :P" He, OF COURSE, didn't respond, and I knew I made a mistake. Did I ruin my chances of this growing into a potential real relationship by being "creepy/clingy"? If I just don't text him or call him (assuming he never responds to this last text) will I be redeemed somehow in his eyes? We still work together so I will see him a lot starting next month...and while I won't act awkward I don't want him to feel uncomfortable. I am a very straight forward person because I hate playing "dating games" but I'm also aware that might be why I'm still single...any advice?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • He's your fwb, nothing more

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    • yeah I assumed from the beginning this was where it was going and that's why I initially sent the "death text" (as I so fondly refer too it) as a way to let him know I'm not into that (since we never talked about it). Basically, my male friend told me that if he had received these texts that he would think I was being creepy and ignored it. Is this true, in your opinion, or is my friend just sensitive to this type of "forwardness"?

    • Depends

What Guys Said 2

  • :0/

    You ruined your chances by having sex with him before dating. You set the bar really low and like any jerk would this guy used you for what he could without involving himself, because he wasn't really interested in you in the first place. You let go of all your control from the start and then went on to make it even worse for yourself. A guy should work to get a girl not the other way around, and sex is one of your strongest assets. I suggest you get some standards for yourself.

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  • Meh. The guy's a flake. Fuggetit

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    • so you don't think sending him 4 texts (with basically no return response) followed by a text that I later realized read more like "be my boyfriend" then the intended, "lets go on a real first date" all in one day was a huge mistake?

    • Nah, not a mistake, per se. He could have said "hey, slow it down". He didn't.

    • I think it was more of a clawing the inside of the coffin you've already buried yourself into kind of situation.

What Girls Said 1

  • Yes. Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?

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