I've fallen for a guy with physical intimacy issues! What do I do?!

We've been close friends for a long time now and he recently confessed to having feelings for me which I thought was great because I like him too. He acts like he's totally head over heels in love with me but he doesn't seem like he's comfortable with the idea of kissing and we haven't really done anything sexual at all. I brought this up with him and he said he's just not comfortable doing those things. When we kiss I can tell he's not really feeling it and we've never really done anything more than that. I asked him why he's not comfortable and he says he doesn't know, this is just the way he is. I know he's never had a girlfriend in the past (he's 22) and he doesn't watch p*rn or anything. What do you think the deal is?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • It sounds to me, as has been pointed out, that he has some issues. They are most likely psychological and he'll need some help from a pro to get them worked out. Might be a couples counseling thing but I doubt it. It could also be he has a physical issue he hasn't disclosed. I feel like you do indeed need to tell him you want to be close and that includes a happy, healthy physical relationship and that if he needs to get some help to get there with you, you'll support him anyway you can. Don't settle for a situation where he's gritting his teeth while you go down on him and dreads when it's time to have sex. Good luck and let us know what happens.

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What Guys Said 3

  • Tell him you care about him, and are attracted to him, and that if you two are a couple, you want a physical relationship for both of you. That you don't expect him to change overnight, but that you need to know if he's committed to working on this or not. If he's not, wish him the best and move on. If he _shows_ you that he's working on getting comfortable with it, then stick with him as long as you wish.

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    • I'm willing to be patient, it's just I want to know how this is possible and what could be the reason why he is like this. And what exactly does he mean when he says it's uncomfortable to him. It's a natural human instinct right?

    • Sure, but there are a number of people who have psychological issues around sex and physical intimacy. You can be patient and understanding, but you should also encourage him to move forward and expect him to be working on this. He has a problem. You can be sympathetic, but ultimately he has to deal with it. He's fortunate to have someone who cares for him and will work with him. But if he's not working on it ... you shouldn't be expected to just 'live with it'

  • It could be he's insecure about himself physically or it could be a health or biochemical issue. Maybe suggest to him to see a doctor and get a check up, the doctor has to be informed of the condition to treat it.

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  • Have you asked him if it's anything religious ?

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    • It's not. He doesn't believe in any religion. He said its just weird to him and he doesn't feel comfortable with it.

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    • In some ways yes

    • That's probably the reason, shy,innocent and haven't had a girlfriend before.

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