So, I've been a jealous, paranoid girlfriend that is insecure and I haven't been able to trust my boyfriend who has been kind and patient with me. I've been stupid and misunderstood emails that were sent between him and another girl.
I didn't give up and let it go properly when he assured me that nothing was up. I became convinced he was lying. He was not.
I behaved terribly. I'm not crazy, but I have major abandonment issues that I recognise.
I don't want to lose him over this. But should I let him go, because I love him and I don't want him to be burdened with my own issues. maybe he deserves better than me, and should be with someone more confident and secure.
I have sincerely learnt my lesson, and I'm going to change because its too painful for me to carry on being like this.
We live together and he's been away. He's coming home tomorrow. He knows exactly how I feel. but I feel he's getting tired of me.
What should I do? I feel so anxious that I wish I'd kept my mouth shut and not badgered him.
From your point of view do you think that its possible for him to forgive me? He says that I'm like a different person, and I feel like I am sometimes as I've been especially insecure about this particular relationship he's had with this other woman.
It wasn't how I imagined it. I got it wrong. I behaved badly. I'm sorry.
If you loved someone, would you be able to understand, forgive them and trust that they really would change and learn to trust better.
I'd appreciate any feedback/ answers relating to this stuff.
Most Helpful Guy
I look at such things from a different point of view than most of people.
There's no smoke without fire. Jealousy is natural emotion but very stigmatized, same like anger.
You can be the "perfect" girlfriend, never being jealous or suspicious but doesn't it mean you would also be naive? People can suck really bad, lies and affairs happen all around everywhere.
It's the real situation how things are.
Just because he says that there's nothing between them does not in any way indicate what the real situation could be like - that you have to find out yourself!
Though I advice you to look at the proof, what was in those e-mails and how they were written?
If there's nothing fishy you shouldn't bother, though if they seem to be too fond to each other, your jealousy is at least partially justified.
But you shouldn't throw the tantrum right away after one proof.
You need a couple of more proofs.
Does your boyfriend disappear often, does he not reply to your messages and phone calls?
Is he starting to spend more time with that girl?
Spy on him. See where he's going, what he's doing and with who he's out. Yes, you got it right!
If he(or anybody) blames you for "not trusting him" or "having no confidence in him" or blaming you for "being insecure" reply that trust has to be EARNED!
If you feel like he does not deserve your trust - test him! That's how it is!
Even if he's your boyfriend, nobody ever automatically deserves trust unless proven otherwise.
Yes, there's no relationship without trust and that's why you must be completely sure you can trust that person, and there's no other way than finding it out yourself.
It could also be that he does a very bad job at making you feel secure and confident. Don't be so judgmental to yourself about how you feel - if he is neglectful to your feelings the consequences of it is his fault not yours.
Relationship takes two people, not one, so don't put it all on your shoulders!
Affairs, sucky relationships, emotional abuse and couples who actually ain't compatible with each other are far more common today than it seems. But people try to conceal it!
Of course it's modern way to say all you need is getting rid of "insecurity" and "trusting each other(sometimes for no real base)" but that's the way for those who are truly desperate to BE in a relationship, instead of being together with a person who makes them feel good about themselves, instead of being with someone who treats you right!
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