I am afraid to date again. How do I fix this?

I am in my early twenties, and I was in a five year relationship with my ONLY boyfriend. It ended several times within the five years, he was abusive and he cheated on me with my best friend, and THEN was involved in a paternity case. Yes, it was pretty terrible. I kept going back because I thought he'd grow up, or that that was the best that I could get, but I finally left him a while back ago.

I've tried to put myself out there and go after guys I find interesting, but something is wrong with me. Any time that I know that the guy has reciprocated interest, I suddenly feel like that's where I should end the so-called relationship. I get freaked out and I begin to over-think everything that I know about them.

I finally have a guy that I have been talking to that seems pretty great, and I do like him. I just have this gut-wrenching anxiety that we won't work. I have discussed with him about my standards, and he claims that he completely understands, but I am so afraid that he lied.

He is taking me out sometime this week on our first 'date' and I feel physically sick. It isn't the butterflies, it's fear.

I don't want to let this one go, because this may be a good guy.

How do I fix this? I don't know what to do.


Most Helpful Guy

  • You are not broken, just damaged. You are suffering from psychological trauma caused by your prior abusive relationship. Seek out help to begin the healing process. Good luck. :)


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What Guys Said 1

  • Just be yourself and be confident best of luck


What Girls Said 1

  • I feel your pain on this. I dated a guy for 9 months, and towards the end of our relationship he became physically and verbally abusive and attempted to sexually assault me. I moved 2500 miles away from him and started a new life. I too have tried putting myself out there and looking for guys, but I don't want to seem too desperate. My best friend in the whole world is the only one that knows about it, and she has set me up with a few guys but I still haven't found the courage to move on. Over Halloween weekend last year (2011), I felt like I could enjoy myself for the first time. I met a guy, who ended up being a tiny fling, but it made me feel confident again. I feel like for the first time in 3 years, I feel free and available. Obviously it takes time to put yourself out there, I mean, it took me 3 years. But once you do it, you will be grateful and it will feel amazing. Trust me.