I really hate dating because I get so nervous about all the rules!

I haven't been in a serious relationship for a year, and I have been dating but have met mostly a**holes who mistreated me, cheated and even stolen from me!

I met this guy at new years, we talked and he asked for my number and we're going out on Wed to see a movie...however, I'm nervous now, since we are texting each other, he asked me out on Monday and I texted him today asking what exactly our plan will be...we're still texting, but I get nervous since I feel like it's a competition who gets the last word etc...

Also, the time he met me I had a dress on, which is unusual of me since I run around in t shirts from think geek and jeans and flats, so nothing too sexy (but I still look good put on make up etc)...and I feel a bit overwhelmed now with all these rules! Like, when should I stop texting him? I don't want to seem too easy, I'm scared to open myself up to someone again thinking he'll abuse my good nature, because this has happened to me for 4 years now :(


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Most Helpful Guy

  • It's really unfortunate that you have been mistreated a few times by guys. Don't give up. Unfortunately, I can't guarantee that this guy and the next and the next won't do the same. But, maybe try taking a look at how you are meeting these guys. Are they just complete strangers, or are they a friend of a friend? Do you know you have something in common or are you just going along with it because he asked for you number? Basically, can you be a bit more choosey or look in other places to increase your chances of finding a decent guy?

    As for the rules of dating, I've just got back into dating a few months ago after a 5 year relationship, and I could never have guessed how complicated it is! But, what I'm slowly realising is that it's best just to be yourself and try not to worry. That way, things might not always work out, but if they don't that's fine because that guy isn't the right one for you. So for example, if you normally wear pretty casual clothes, don't wear a dress for this guy every time just because you think that might be what he likes. Instead, be yourself, and maybe get dressed up a bit, but you can still wear jeans and a nice top or something. If he see's you and thinks, "oh, she's not girly/cool/sexy enough for me now that she's not wearing a dress" then yes, you have potentially missed out on the opportunity to date him for a while, but if that's who you are, then there's no point pretending to be someone else for a while, because you can't keep it up forever.

    The same sort of applies to texting, I think it's way easiest to just be yourself and do what you think comes naturally. If you really like him and he seems to be enjoying texting you, then there's no point in stopping just so that you don't look needy or whatever. Similarly, if you feel the conversation is struggling, don't text him just for the sake of it to look interested.

    Basically, forget the 'rules'... everyone has different idea of what the rules should be anyway. I think that iIf you're honest and you're yourself, then he knows where he stands and if he's the right guy, then he'll keep coming back for more.

    I hope this helps. Let me know if you want any more specific advice or something :)

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    • Thank you for your answer!

      Actually, I have met men in different ways: internet sites, through friends, guys who come up to me when I go out, at an internet cafe that I go to play video games...yet they were all perverts, so I doubt it's the way I meet guys...

    • Show All
    • ...easiest, but it can also be disappointing. I met one girl who I really liked and we went on one date, then text a little bit, but she basically turned down my request for another date. That's pretty gutting because it means you know that person doesn't like you as you are. That sucks. But another girl I dated, I tried my best to be everything she wanted and we went on a few dates, then I realized that it was just a lie (or maybe a slight bending and exageration of the truth), and she could...

    • ...tell I wasn't being completely myself, so we accepted that we weren't meant to be together. In a way, that was less painful, but it also was a lot more stressful trying to please her, and there is no way it could have lasted, so the outcome was the same anyway.

What Guys Said 2

  • Dating is established as a market and it's considered OK to take advantage of women in dates because the guy is normally paying, organizing making the decisions on where to go.

    It's god you are asking what the program is. I have up on traditional dating in my teens. You should insist on paying your way, and should decide on the program yourself half the time.

    IF you are a partner and not just an acessory, guys will have more respect for you.

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    • I dunno, I have different opinions on that.I did that before, already sharing everything on the date, a guy will think I don't need any romance anymore in my life and never did anything touching for me, and I was always the one who was the romantic one...later on when we do end up in a serious relationship and go out, I definitely think it should be a two-way street, but the first dates a guy should charm a girl, a girl's love should always be earned I think.

    • Good luck. This isn't your fault, it's the way the 'game' works.

  • Well I think it's good that you have not given up on love! ^^ Well, I don't think you can go around worrying about rules in dating, just be honest (with yourself and to him) and follow your heart. I know it sounds cliché but it's cliché for a reason... Don't wear dresses just to impress him if you don't like wearing dresses, be yourself, if he doesn't like the real you then he not worth your time... Hope this helped ^^

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