If I'm not talking to him why does he message me or call me & do these things to me?

Im desperate so please help!!

okay so I was datin this guy who was abusive, physically, emotionally, verbally. I have charges against him. he put his hands on me, I always had bruises all over me, he put me down all the time, callin me fat, stupid, sayin I'm a f*ck up & that's all I know how to do etc, he plays with my emotions all the time & he always talked to other girls while we were datin & always accused me of cheatin. we've been broken up for 3 months now. we never stopped havin contact. I act like it doesn't bother me but it does. I had to move 6 hrs away & come back home because of it. but when I don't message him first hell message me & well be talking & hell just be like 'go away'. well be fine talking then hell hang up or sign off & he keeps doin that to me. ill send him nice messages & hell just ignore them.. I don't understand it! if I'm not talking to him why does he message me or call me & do these thangs to me? I don't know what to do.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Guys that are abusive like that have a tendency to see women as property. If you respond then his "property" is still his. He can't admit that your not his anymore so he will do anything to get you back. As much as it might hurt you you need to stop all communication with him. Don't respond. You will have to ignore him. Every-time you respond it's like your saying that you want him back and he gets the idea that being apart from him is just temporary. It might be tempting to tell him that it's "over" and that your not going to talk to him anymore but that could be just as bad a move. You have to treat the old relationship as an addiction and go "cold turkey." As long as he continues to get any kind of response from you then he will keep calling.

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What Guys Said 2

  • Stage 5 clinger..your probably all he has..do no contact..find someone else

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  • find other guy, he is not good for you, so does he hit you

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What Girls Said 5

  • You don't deserve to be treated like that. He obviously has some issues of his own that only a professional can probably help him with.

    No healthy relationship should have any form of abuse, especially physical abuse. If I were you, I'd just cut all contact and try to move on. It'll take time, but when your ready and when you least expect it, you'll meet someone who will treat you right.

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    • thanks :) its just hard, I wanna block him & cut him out completely but I don't know how. he made me dependent on him. he used to tell me he was my only friend or family. he gave me a place to stay when I had no where else to go & when I came back home I found out my dads cancer came back. so I had called him for support & someone to talk to since he's 'been there' for me. but every time I talk to him I just get more angry & he upsets me. I'm 19, be 20 on the 14th, he was my first real boyfriend, pathetic I know

    • That's not pathetic, but since he's your first boyfriend it will definitely be difficult for you to let go. Don't let your emotions tell you what's right - talk to your family and friends about it for support, and listen to what your mind (not your heart) has to say.

  • I also was in an abusive type relationship - more physical than verbal but anyways its about control. Even tho you're not together anymore he's still controlling you by calling or txting when it suits him and hanging up or ignoring you when it doesn't suit him. He does these things because he can. He knows you'll respond to his call - I imagine he gets off on the idea of you or other girls dropping whatever their doing to talk to him and take his $hit. I think you should stop all contact with him. You do not have to put up with his abusiveness and deserve so much better - you just have to believe it!

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  • the reason he's doing it as you said yourself he is controlling he wants to control your life even when he knows he hasn't got the right and your allowing it your a women don't be put down by any man me myself was in an abusive relationship and I cut all ties completly it was the best thing I ever done its not him playing with your emotions he just wants to control you because your allowing it he thinks he can do what he wants you need to go out forget about him, he'll give uo soon enough and MOVE ON! who knows he might end up going one step to far in the future and that can't be reversed!

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  • Sounds like you need to not talk, text, talk through friends or anything. Seize contact all together. Seriously. You're just asking for more abuse and you're taking it.

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    • i know, its ridiculous. when you're not in an abusive relationship you wonder why those girls go back to those a$$holes & then when youve been an abusive relationship you can't help but going back to them in hopes that theyve 'changed' like they say

    • I know. Try not to fall for it. You deserve SO much better and you'll find it when you let yourself heal from his abuse.

    • We can't look at someone and instantly know everything about them. Leaving an abusive relationship is also like saying you are flawed yourself and you made a mistake. It opens up the question of how good your judgement really is and gives you reason to doubt everything about yourself. Taking them back or attempting to "fix" the problem is only a product of denial.

  • how old is this guy. 12. he needs to grow up. keep on acting like it doesn't bother you and cut the guy off. unless you like the abuse.

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