When you meet someone I think it´s impossible to "KNOW" if it is going to be something serious from the first day, right? and really HAVE something serious from day 1, I think that´s so not realistic... or am I not from this world?
Look, I was having a conversation with my boyfriend (we met only 2 months ago!) and this boy I am having a relationship with is telling me he is not feeling "our" thing is something serious already so it will most probably not happen; I laughed and told him "well, I don´t feel anything "serious" as we are only getting to know each other, I like you a lot but we have to see how things go"...
and then he told me the strangest thing: he has only had one serious relationship and there he had something serious from the FIRST day, and because now he is not feeling the same as in that relationship, he things it´s no good sign, so it probably is not going to be serious, but he likes me a lot and he wants to see how things go, beacause he is "looking for a serious relationship"... now that is the strangest thing I have ever heard... I think "how can you base your expectations on comparing a new relationship with a previous one?"
I had a very serious relationship for over 5 years with my ex-boyfriend and that really did NOT AT ALL start with something serious (not even in the first YEAR we were dating, he was just having fun with me and I with him), however we had a very very serious thing going on for 4 years after that period (even living together) and we ended it because my boy was getting too possessive with me in the end...now my current boy is telling me he only had one serious thing and there it was BANG damn serious from day 1, and that it ended bad against what he had expected (almost 3 year relationship, ended 2 years ago)... I told him "hey, don´t look for us the same way is going to happen as it happened with your ex-girlfriend, every relationship is different, serious or not"... and hey if you think about it, "it ended bad" so why are you so obsessed with looking for the same things?... he says he really is over the past relationship and has peace with it being friends with his ex.
Am I wrong? I talked about this to my male friends and they say "the guy is making up excuses, you are not crazy, it´s really NOT that common to have something serious from day 1, I know nobody who had that, look you have to take some time to get to know each other first, to see if it can work out long term... he says he likes you so much, that you know from day one if you are attracted to someone or not, but having something serious from day 1? no way"
I am feeling a bit bad because he thinks this way, it´s obvious he is really into me, I notice that a lot, but really what he is telling me about serious or not, I don´t understand why he thinks like that...Any advice? should I act/say something different?
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It's difficult to say when one would say things are "serious" unless you're looking at the logic of the situation.. Like in your case with the ex - you were living with him after a year. I would consider the living with him part being "serious".. The feelings within a relationship wouldn't have any validity in identifying if it's "serious" or not - unless we talk of extremes (e.g. marriage / family / etc)
So really, I don't know much about your relationship with this guy. Based off the text in this question, I could assume that you care about him, you're just unsure how much he cares about you.
In my case, when a girl felt that way (of which I was dating/etc) they would always be asking these qualifying questions / actions.. Like trying to talk on the phone with me even though we have nothing to talk about.. Or she would ask directly/indirectly how much I cared about her.. Or say things in order to make me comfort her ( "Oh no that's horrible.. blah blah blah.. you're worth so much more babe" )... etc
- Everytime this arose in my relationships, I grew a bit more and more distant. I can't necessarily say it's happening in your relationship or not. Like I mentioned above, I'm swinging in the dark because there is so little information you can portray online about two people and how they get along. But all the same, pay attention to how you treat him and whether or not he's going "hot / cold" on you frequently.. Like one week he seems ok.. the next maybe he seems irritated / short / etc.. This might help your situation.
If you can give me further details on the scenario, or ridicule how much I typed here and set me in the right direction, I'd gladly take a second glance just to see if any new thoughts originate about what may be going on.
As for you being crazy though, no. You're not. In most cases - relationships start from a high expectation with unknown certainty. We fear whether or not the other person likes us, then from there we decide if this is short-term or long-term.. Then later down the road from that, things START to become serious. You don't go from stranger (OR FRIEND) to "a serious relationship" overnight. There may be very few cases where that DOES in fact happen, but I'm willing to bet that in general it does not happen often.