2nd date with me Tuesday, she had a date with a other guy tonight?..

So before I start no we are not "together" and I understand that.

So this girl like we went out for dinner a week ago after she asked me if I wanted to get dinner with her. The next time we hung out a group of us went downtown and I knew she was talking to another guy and he showed up at the bar, So I decided I don't play these games and was nice to her but ignored her, and the next day she was hitting me up big time.

So we went out for dinner and a movie tue night. it went well, not great but not bad. I left town the next day for a few days, the day after I left she asked me if I was going to be back Monday because she wanted to do something.

Now I just saw on FB that she had a dinner date with that other guy at the nicest/expensive place in town...

What is going on? Should I even bother? I like her but I don't want to be strung along like a idiot, I am fine with some competition, I'm confident I have more to offer and am better than him but to me this seems ridiculous, I take her out, she asks to hang out again, then two days later she goes out with the other guy.

what should I do?


a few days ago I asked her out for what would have been a 3rd date and she said yes, either that night or the next. then 2 hours later she told me she can't go on a date with me, and she's dating the other guy. but "thinks I'm really cool and would be sad if I didn't want to hang out any more"...


Most Helpful Guy

  • First of all, great question. And I think you're handling this the right way. You realize that a couple of dates does not mean you're together. Good for you.

    Now a couple of questions. You say your date went well but wasn't great. Did you, at any time kiss this girl? Have you had any physical contact at all? Because it's all well and good for you to go out on a date, but unless you're doing something to up the physical ante, you aren't really moving things forward. I'm not saying you need to have sex tomorrow, but you do need to be getting more physical and at LEAST kissing on the next date. So I'd say go out on another date, plan something interactive and fun (not dinner) and keep it inexpensive. FUN is the operative word here. Expensive dates are for girlfriends you've been with for awhile. Your date should be more about having fun, getting closer and somewhere in there--kissing her.

    Also, in the meantime, don't stop meeting other girls, talking, flirting, getting numbers and going on dates with them if you can. As you pointed out, you're not in a relationship with this girl. If you're dating other girls you won't care as much if she's got other things going on too.

    • Thanks for the update. Interesting that her first reaction was to say "yes" to a date and then to come back later with the real story. Anyway, now you know where you stand--she's actively dating someone else and isn't interested in dating you. Not sure what your initial reaction was, but I'd say you should've played it as though it's no big deal at all. Totally agree with "being friends." Now her value is her ability to hook you up with her hot friends. So I'd say hang if she can do that.

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What Girls Said 3

  • Since you're not exclusive with this girl yet, I say act like things are just fine. Meaning don't even ask about her seeing this other guy - act confident that you are the best thing she'll ever get. I know it's probably hard, but try not to feel in competition with any other guy and be yourself. Expensive dinner dates are not necessary. One of the first dates I went on with my boyfriend was bowling...and I suck at bowling but we had a really fun time. And don't be afraid to go out with other girls in the meantime.

    Sooner or later you'll be able to tell if there's some real chemistry there or not. If you start to get the feeling that she's playing you - move on.

  • If you had fun with her before, why wouldn't you go out again? Just because she's still openly dating, and just because the other dude is taking her somewhere 'expensive' or whatever doesn't mean she's going to instantly like him. Who knows what could happen. Don't give up before you've really started playing.

  • Ugh. Sorry to hear about this. At least you know where things stand now.


What Guys Said 3

  • You seem to like her so continue to see her.

    I've gone on dates before where it's a multiple. Some people don't like them. Some get upset. Some get angry. Some get insanely jealous. It's a test. You stayed calm and kept your cool. Exactly what you should have done. I like the added fact you ignored her for the night. That's it's own type of warfare that you probably weren't even aware you were doing.

    After three or four dates this kinda stuff should stop (not the open dating but the multiple dating where you actively compete for her while on a single date). If not, then you can make the choice. Ether stop seeing her or tell her you're not interested in playing that game.

    As for the open dating, with this type of person, it typically takes around 10 dates. You'll have to tolerate it up until then. After which you can ask for exclusivity. If you ask for exclusivity to soon however, you're going to get shut down. She's not looking for someone with jealousy conflicts.

    I know the individual type well. I used to be one. I'd meet several girls over the course of a weekend and invite them all to the same event that Sunday. It can be allot of fun. If they did happen to take offense to it they had every right to leave. It never bothered me.

    My only warning though is that you're dealing with a unique personality type. She's very exciting as a women but probably not the best for long term dating. I for example, slowly evolved into someone who doesn't date all together. I now keep sex partners instead. I'm not saying she will change into me but I'm just saying with her personality type it's a possibility. I started where she was.

  • Seems like she hasn't decided between the two of you yet. Personally if I knew she was doing this I'd party ways because honestly after two dates with two different people you should know what you want. If after the third date she still is going out with this other guy, I'd probably just get out of it.

  • Dude, save yourself some heartache and pain down the road, just walk away now. It stings, but there are tons of girls, and you honestly will find another just as nice and fun as her.