My boyfriend talks to his ex online, should I be worried?

First off, my boyfriend (23) and I (22) have been together for 14 months.

My boyfriend dated this girl long distance like three years ago, they dated for about a year, but since he lives in ohio and she lives in Arkansas, they only got to see each other three times and broke it off because of the distance. He left his Facebook up when he left the room once and YES I snooped (yes, paranoia/curiosity got the best of me). He told her that he unfriended her just "for appearances" so that I wouldn't get mad (he asked me to unfriend an ex too), and continues to catch up with her. They type each other long paragraphs which I didn't fully read but did skim over. It seems like they aren't talking about any sexual or romantic, they are just catching up. They talk sporadically every few months or so. She actually messaged me once a while back saying that she means no harm in talking to him, she just wants to catch up with an old friend (apparently they've been online friends for like 8 years).

Also, he's told me that he holds a special place in his heart for her/has a soft spot for her, etc.

Well, I get it, no one REALLY gets over someone that they once loved/dated for a while. But I dunno, it still bothers me that he's talking to her.

Is there anything I should be worried about or am I just blowing this out of proportion?

Updates:
I actually do trust him, but it's the fact that he's still talking to her behind my back, that has me uneasy. He told me he was talking to her maybe 8 months ago but I got really upset and had him stop, which he said he did but recently they've started talking again.

0|0
5|4

Most Helpful Girl

  • You're blowing it out of proportion. You should not care if he is talking to her and controlling who he can and cannot talk to is a red flag to an abusive relationship. He has no interest in her, he's dating you, not her. he's not constantly telling you each time they talk because he probably figures you don't care about it or that you don't want to hear him talk about an ex. He shouldn't have to report to you every time he talks to a friend, that's crazy. Stop thinking of her as an ex, and just think of her as a friend. There's nothing suspicious going on between them, they're just friends.

    The most important thing is that he is with you. If he liked her more than he likes you, he would dump you to be with her. And you can't choose who he likes or prevent it or anything. It just doesn't work like that.

    0|0
    0|0

What Guys Said 4

  • Well, it doesn't look like cheating based on the content you were able to see so I would say don't over think it, but keep an eye open and remind your boyfriend every now and then that you should be the center of his attention, not her :p

    1|0
    0|0
  • eh...my initial impression (yes I skimmed) was that very few people ever rekindle..or do so for any real length of time...however...after reading more carefully...he has never actually had a fling with her? eeeqqqhhh...yes there is danger...for you & he? idk...but yeah potential is definitely there for problems...):

    0|0
    0|0
  • I think you have reason for concern. His ex represents a soft underbelly for your relationship that will follow it into marriage. If you and he consider yourselves to be in a committed relationship you can ask him end the relationship with his ex but you have no realistic probability that he will or that it won't pop up later if you have differences. My real feeling from a similar experience is that you cut your losses and get out now.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Of course he's doing it without telling you - you freaked out the last time he did it.

    Stop being so insecure. Very unattractive

    0|0
    0|0

What Girls Said 4

  • I don't think you have anything to worry about. If anything, worrying will make the whole situation way worse. It seems to me that the reason he hid it from you was to avoid you getting upset again. But no one wants to be controlled by their partner, so he did what he wanted to do and figured, since he knows he doesn't like her that way, he's not doing anything wrong. So the more you make it a big deal, the more he's going to feel like he has to hide things from you. It's a vicious cycle that you both can stop by being more open and understanding.

    You say no one really gets over someone they once loved, but it really is possible. I have two exes I can't even imagine being interested in again because I don't even like them as people anymore, haha. My other ex is a REALLY good friend of mine and it truly is 100% platonic. I love him to death but there are no romantic feelings there, and I can't even describe how grateful I am that my boyfriend understands that and has no doubts about it. It makes me even more sure that I want to be with him for the rest of my life. I think you should try to do that for your boyfriend, because knowing you're trusted is an awesome feeling.

    1|0
    0|0
  • I understand your concern, but I suggest that you trust him and allow him to talk to her as friends. If you keep him on lockdown, he may not he willing to tell you in the future if he does talk to her again. If you let him talk to her, at least you can keep a wary eye out to make sure he is faithful.

    0|0
    0|0
  • well the thing is that if it bothers you so much and he knows that then he should stop talking to her not because you have the right to make him stop but he should do it out of respect for you. the thing is that him doing it behind your back rises questions if its that much of big deal then he should of explained the situation to you tried to persuade you to be okay with it.

    t the end of the day I don't believe person you once had feelings for can all of sudden become nothing more than a friend.

    I think you should confront him, let him know that you recognize that you shouldn't of gone through his fb but that you also do not appreciate the fact that he lied to you. Him hiding it kinda gives off the impression that there is something to hide. If he feels the need to talk to her then maybe he's not over her, especially because they didn't break up because they had disagreements.

    0|0
    0|0
  • i see why you would be worried.

    0|0
    0|0
Loading...