When to ask single dad about past relationship?

I've been talking to a single dad for a few weeks. He seems really nice, but I don't want to get too emotionally invested before I see if we meet eye to eye on priorities and values. He's a great dad and seems to be easygoing like me. He is still friends with his ex, mother of his son, and they have been separated for five years. I asked him recently why their relationship ended because I feel that marriage is forever unless a partner is unfaithful (and in this instance, it seems that's not the case). My reasoning behind asking so soon is - if their marriage failed because "they became more friends than lovers," would he want a divorce if we married and went through a phase where we felt more like friends? I think it's an important question, but haven't received a response from him and am afraid I might not hear from him again.

Updates:
thanks, everyone, for your feedback. it looks like I may have already screwed things up, but the insight is good to have for next time.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I think that's a very serious question to ask after only a few weeks. You don't even know him well enough yet for him to be your boyfriend, much less your husband. It's also a private issue right now. I get that you don't want to waste your time if you don't have similar values, but you have to be patient or you'll scare off a great guy.

    What if a guy wanted to make sure he married a girl with similar sex views and started pushing her to find out after only a few weeks. It's way too soon! In time he can learn those things, but he would be sabotaging a good potential relationship by breaking out the whips and chains in week 2 of knowing each other just to make sure he isn't "wasting his time".

    Take your time and have fun. No need to get so preoccupied with how he would be as a husband just yet. You'll find out what he's about in time.

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What Guys Said 2

  • "more friends then lovers' is code for 'hadn't had sex in years'.

    I know a lot of people who went through that, and a number who divorced. Anyone who has gone through that will end a relationship if sex dies and the other party seems not to care.

    Of course, most people will, eventually. Its a matter of how fast they would move on that.

    A 'phase' like that is not something to just shrug off and wait for it to pass.

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  • Rather than asking directly I think it might be better that you ask about how comfortable he's with talking about it first. Then you tell him how much it matters to you, that you want to know, but will wait until he decides it's the right time.

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What Girls Said 1

  • You are jumping into an issue that is so far away to think about. Nobody is perfect and nothing is guaranteed. Emotions aren't stable and deterministic. They are rather varying and dynamic. I mean you can't know how he will treat you if you ever get married. Thinking like that will make it hard for you to start a relationship because you want to make sure everything is going to be the way you want. I used to be like that till I hit a hard wall and have understood that nothing is guaranteed. You can make plans, analyze everything and still the outcome is out of your control. We do the best we can to make our lives better but we can't guarantee it WILL be better, ya know?

    As for the guy, I really like the fact that he is still in contact with his ex. He is also a good dad and wants the best for his child. What you should do is focus on getting to know him better. Nothing is guaranteed but you can do your best to choose right. :)

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