20, never dated and lonely. Future?

(I'm not native in English so bear with me.)

I'm 20 years old and lonely.

I've never dated, never been kissed - never even held a boys hand! (Not to mention being a virgin too.)

I have friends (all female) so I'm not lonely in a friendless way. But I long for a 'loved one'. Someone who would like to do something as little as hold my hand. ://

I want to cuddle against someone on the sofa or hug someone and be hugged or just chat. (I'm healthy young female so I want to have sex too.) I want all what I see my friends do with their boyfriends (I'm the only single I know.) I do know that there are fights and bad stuff but my friends spend more time being happy because of their boyfriends than being sad because of them.

I'm an introvert and that makes being with people a little hard for me. (Check what introvert means before you tell me to go out or to try to be more social...) I'm bad with people; awkward, quiet, observer. I stay in the background and usually people don't even notice I'm there. (I don't like attention so being invisible is fine by me but I still want _someone_ to see me.)

Most people probably think I'm boring. I hardly talk if not asked. So I'm not interesting enough that someone would want to get to know me. And I'm not pretty either. I look as boring as I 'am'. Not beautiful, not pretty, not sexy, not ugly, just nothing... I don't have anything to offer to a guy; neither personality nor looks.

I'm 20 'already' so I feel I missed the time when I was supposed to lear how to have a relationship. I miss the young love stuff all my friends had when we were 13-17 year olds. I don't even know how to date. I don't know what to say, to do, how to be... ://And life long invisibility to guys has eaten my self-esteem; there must be something wrong with me really bad because no one has never wanted me.

I'm scared that I'm 'doomed' to spend my life all alone. I know there are many 20/30/40+ persons who are still single and alone and that scares me. I want to have a family someday; husband and kids. (Not anytime soon though.) ...It's too easy for me to see myself as one of the lonely 40 year olds.

I'm not looking for advice really. I'd like rather hear stories how people like me did find someone and 'lived happily ever after'. (LOL) I just want some encouragement so that I know I still have hope.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Don't beat yourself up about it. That time will come when you least expect it. The trick is to not think as much when conversing with someone else. Also, don't magnify or jump to conclusions. People who you talk to may like you for who you are, but maybe they just don't express that. Trust me, I've been on the same boat.


What Guys Said 7

  • Don't worry about that, I think you're focusing too much on what you haven't done and aren't thinking enough about what you can do. Try going with your friends someplace to meet guys. Hopefully being around your friends that you are comfortable with will help you make a baby step towards being comfortable with guys when it's just you two. I know you're sorta shy/introvert, just know that if you want to make progress, then get up and go make it happen! I know it's easier said then done, but it's a matter of how bad do you want it? Have some confidence too, maybe do something that will make you happy and feel good, whether that's going to the salon, going shopping, whatever. Put a smile on your face and feel good about yourself. Guys will notice your confidence, just as everyone would. Don't worry, you can do this, but you got to believe! =)

  • I feel ya on this but check it out, you're only 20 and there is still plenty of time. I know how it feels because this is like the next stage of your life, 20 to 30 but if anyhting I'd say try your best to get into the game now, try to find someone you really click with and go out with them.

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  • I know you posted this a long time ago, but I thought I would comment on this real quick. I am a 20 year old college student, and I've only had 1 girlfriend that lasted for a few months. I met her off myspace, then we met in person for the first time at a theme park. I also am an introvert so I know how that goes. My best advice to you would be to start approaching guys (yes I know that will be hard, but it might help you out a lot.) If you can't bring yourself to do that, or if it doesn't work, try online dating. it worked for me atleast. A good free site I know off the top of my head- www.plentyoffish.com

    Also, if you want to chat with a guy your age who has the same problem you do, either email me at itsweird182@hotmail.com or message me thru this site. I'd love to talk to you!

  • I'm a 21 year old guy who is still a virgin and never had a girlfriend, always been single, so I feel your pain.

  • relax and don't panic, your still very young , most people/kids when they are 13 to even 17 or 18 don't really experience a real true relationship anyway, its just flirting maybe some kissing , ok sometimes more but im talking generally. find someone you trust male or female , someone you can ask advice of and who will be open and honest. if your feeling sexual then start and enjoy some self pleasure , masturbation for one , and maybe find an online friend who you can have some intimate phone sex and chats with, but take your time, you will met a guy or a girl and it will happen babe , if you want to chat id love to here from youxx

  • I am lonely too. I HAVE had someone to date before, but it wasn't much of an achievement because it didn't work out after all. I am not much of an extrovert, and my preference of people (thus girls too) is quite specific that I've never had a best friend in my freaking entire life... I am simply quiet, and I am more of an observer too, so i think I know how you feel. I think for some people, finding a dating partner is way harder. I wish I could just choose whatever girl and start flirting, but that's just not what I want.


What Girls Said 3

  • don't worry. there is your "happily ever after" out there. and I bet your guy is waiting for you. you two will know each other when you meet each others eyes. that person is going to think of you every day as your going to think of him. he is going to miss every second he is away from you but will respect your "personal space". he is out there waiting for the one moment when he sees you. don't lose hope. he is there just beyond your sight and waiting. or, he might have seen you and you might have seen him already but not recognized him yet. don't worry, everyone in the world will receive your "happily ever after."

  • I feel you. I'm 19 and have never dated or kissed anyone. It is painful.