Seriously, why don't I have a girlfriend?

I'm in college. I'm funny, smart, and above average in looks. My only big negative for physical looks is that I'm really skinny but it's because I have a high metabolism and cannot put on weight for anything. I have no problems talking to girls and I'm really confident about that. And I dress well, casual but good choices. I have gone on dates but I have such high standards that I lose interest unless they are really who I want to be with long term and those "perfect" girls for me all seem to have boyfriends. I just went on a date with this girl that has a good personality but I was not attracted physically...I don't know if that makes me shallow but I just couldn't see myself with her long term.

What do I have to do to get the girl for me? Lower my standards? I'm don't go to parties, so should I start to go just so I can find a girl there? Get drunk like everyone else and find someone? I mean I know I am attractive enough to get a girl from a party and go home with her, but my personality and standards won't let me do that. What should I do?

I was out with three girls last night(just friends) and one of them was seriously laughing at everything and thought I was just the best(she has a boyfriend though). Like she was laughing really hard at something I said and I jokingly said "am I just that awesome" and she said "yeah pretty much haha". That is what has me thinking...I know I should have a girlfriend because I see these random guys walking around with beautiful girls, but why don't I? I have a introverted personality so what can I do?


0|0
6|3

Most Helpful Girl

  • This seems to be another case of an ugly/average guy who thinks his supposed 'bomb ass diggity' personality is supposed to pull 9's/10's and girls are just supposed to flock to him because he thinks he has everything a girl likes.

    Truth is:

    -I don't know what you look like and I don't wanna know what you look like(just to keep this unbiased), but you could very well be perceived as ugly to the females around you. In this case, you need a taste of reality and need to realize you're gonna have to lower your standards. Attractive girls aren't gonna lower theirs for you and you aren't entitled to them just because you think your personality is the hottest thing since sliced bread

    -Yes, you should socialize more. You'd be surprised to find out that not all girls at parties are looking for hookups or sex. But, those aren't the girls you're interested in. You aren't interested in the average, in the background, social butterfly(yes, those girls tend to just float around at parties talking), you're interested in the hot ones who won't give you the time of day.

    -You have to put forth more effort. Girl or guy, no one is just gonna flock to you. You have to try. Perhaps you need a better radar, like, not going for girls with bfs. That...just takes luck. So, you'll probably have to just gain some patience, continue socializing and soon you'll find a girl who's interested in you and is single.

    That doesn't mean you have to go for ugly girls, it simply means not *expecting* what you yourself aren't.

    1|0
    0|1
    • I wasn't trying to talk myself up or make it seem like I'm super amazing at everything and that everyone should love me. Not in the slightest. I'm just wondering why I can't find that one person who fits what I am looking for and is single. I'm not even looking for 9 or 10s. Just someone who fits some physical criteria I have and can hold a conversation. I never thought it could be this hard. And trust me, I am giving it an big effort

    • Show All
    • Re-read your first paragraph and try to tell me again that you weren't trying to patronize me. I really don't care because you don't know the situation so don't take this as I am mad but I just wanted to point that out. My "perfect girl" is a brunette, physically fit as in skinny to athletic, and able to take a joke/laugh/hold a conversation. It shouldn't be that hard to find someone like that but I do not see many of those girls anywhere :( and if I do, they are holding hands with a guy

    • First paragraph translated: Another case of an average guy who thinks his personality is supposed to get him by.

      Sure, somewhat condescending, but not to the extent which you may have taken it. My point being was no one should expect to ride on personality. Personality plays into it but as you've pointed out many times already, physical attraction has to be there(there may be exceptions, different topic though).

      Try the gym; physically fit girls

What Girls Said 5

  • definetly don't lower your standards, just be patient. I know its hard trust me been there. ha ha

    but I keep telling myself if I lower my standards ill end up unhappy with having to "settle" for something. just wait. is the best I can do. and go to partys! but by no means get drunk just because everybody els is. have fun live life and enjoy the single life. because one day you'll look back and miss the times you had to yourself.

    0|0
    0|0
    • Wow, thanks. That is actually a great answer :) Stay patient and I know something good will happen, but in the mean time I'm getting lonely and I don't know how much longer I can go w/o just giving up and lowering my standards...

    • Show All
    • I don't know why what you said went to me, but it gave me motivation just to be happy and stop complaining about being lonely. I get back to campus today and instead of bitching about it in my room I go out to study and see this really cute girl(but she is with her friend). We made eye contact as I went to sit down and I get lucky for once and her friend leaves. I start a convo and she was into it and I got her number. She's finally someone that fits for me and she seems to like me :) Thanks!

    • ofcourse. (:

      aw glad that worked out! I'm starting a YouTube channel.

      id love your support.

      BlondieBabe916. subscribe (:

  • Being in your shoes, I think the only thing is to put yourself out there as much as possible..converse, talk, be friendly. an ugly girl to you might have a friend who is beautiful and you end up meeting etc etc. talk to anyone and everyone and eventually she'll come!

    0|0
    0|0
  • Just give some one a chance, that doesn't mean you have sex with a random one. But give the girl with the good personality a chance, or some one who deserves it.

    1|0
    0|0
  • Girls that age don't often go for "skinny". Right, wrong-it's reality. If you're not their top choice, but they are giving your personality a shot...why aren't you doing the same? When I met my bf..he didn't have the buff body that I love, he was packing a little extra and had some grays to boot. Not what I had in mind for "super attracted", but in no time based on his personality and how he makes me feel, I find him to be sexier man than some of the models/athletes I used to date. Long term takes chemistry, lust takes "super attraction". Yes, you can be super attracted to someone and have it last long term...but that doesn't mean they're going to fit all the items on your "want list". If she's a great girl and has looks COMPARABLE to yours, go for it. In her mind, she is most likely looking past the skinniness and looking at what YOU have to offer, because let's face it...sooner than later her body is not going to look as great as you want it to, neither will yours. Get over it now and find someone who truley makes you happy in all areas of your body. Brain, heart and AHEm...not just your Ahemm... No one is saying date grenades...but maybe you're looking too much at the physical when you're interest is love.

    -If someone introduced you to your perfect match, the best wife/mother you could ever ask for...would you turn her down because you thought her nose was too big, couple extra lbs? If that's a yes...than you deserve to be single =)

    0|0
    0|0
    • I'm not saying I turn my nose up at girls that aren't 10s. But I do not want to settle and make myself unhappy. The rating isn't just on looks! If you read some of my other comments you'll see that my physical criteria is kinda simple: brunette and skinny to athletic fit. Those aren't that hard to find, but I'm never in the right spot to start a conversation and if I do they either have a boyfriend or their personality is not going to fit. You seemed to think I only go for physical looks...wrong.

  • Lol I have the sameee situation but in reverse with guys, hmmm your most likely going to have to lower your standards a little, not all girls can be your perfect girl right off the bat it takes time.

    0|0
    0|0
    • I can deal with almost all personalities as long as they can laugh and hold a conversation. My standards really have to do with looks. I just feel like I have to be with someone I'm super attracted to but those girls are almost always taken. I could lower my standards but it's going to be hard to do that because I can't tell my body who I'm attracted to :(

What Guys Said 3

  • Maybe you do have to lower your standards a bit. That doesn't mean you should say no to girls that you find really attractive, but just keep an open mind to more girls. It sounds like you are the one losing interest here, so either go after exactly what you're looking for, or just adjust how stringent you'll be with picking girls.

    1|0
    0|0
  • There's nothing wrong with you... Good guys finish last, especially if you're talking about beautiful women.

    1|0
    0|0
  • being introverted hurts you more if you are a guy, that's why

    0|0
    0|0
Loading...