Rules On Playing "The Game"..Opinions?

I read all these books & articles that give you all these crazy sets of rules. Some of them are understandable..some..ridiculous. It seems like the author of them tells you how THEY snagged the person they married. But, I've seen quite a few people read all of those articles & books...follow through with the rules..& still remain single. I'm sorry..but I think all these rules & books are FUC#ED up. Just because it helped THAT person DOES NOT mean it will HELP YOU! Not everyone likes the same things. If we all wanted the exact same things, & did the exact same things, we'd want the SAME people..& all be single...& everything would be boring.

1. Don't text him first. -In a way I can understand that. Girls don't want to seem desperate, over eager, needy, or clingy. I hear guys complaining about having to be the one to text first..but when a girl does it, it turns the guy off!

2. Don't call him. Same as above.

3. Never mention wanting kids, or marriage until you have been dating for a few months.- WTF..What if you never asked them if they wanted those things, got attached to them & fell in love, then a few months later you DID ask & found out..oh guys don't want the same things? Oh no..i wonder how this happened? I guess it could've have saved you the trouble..IF YOU ASKED.

4. Leave a little mystery, keep them guessing. -To an extent, yes.. but I read these things & it says not to let them know what kind of stuff you like. Movies, music, books, etc.. Really? Something as simple as that.. How in the hell are you supposed to connect with someone & find your similarities? How can you find ways to relate to them?! That's something I talk about in the VERY beginning. It's the easiest!

5. "Don't have sex until you've gone on 5 dates, & MAKE SURE YOU LAY HIM RIGHT THE FIRST TIME, & HE'S YOURS FOREVER", "Wait three months to have sex, & don't SHOW OFF & LET HIM SEE HOW GOOD YOU ARE, OR HE'LL WONDER HOW MANY YOU'VE PRACTICED WITH"--Really? What happened to waiting until there was love there & a relationship was actually established? "Lay him right the first time?" That DOES NOT mean he'll stay with you. & WHY oh WHY would it tell you to try & suck in the sack? Pretend you're bad? Really?

6. Don't tell him ANYTHING private or personal about you. -Sometimes..telling personal stories is a good way to connect. You find out you've been through similar situations, or you have mutual feelings over a lot of things.

It's like everyone is telling you to lie & act like something you're not UNTIL you get someone to fall in love with "you." & THEN you can start being you..the person they didn't fall in love w/..& everyone stops making an effort like they did in the beginning.. & the fake relationship fails.

This is more of a LYING game don't you think? I wish that once people made a connection, they'd say "F the rules!"

In case you haven't noticed...I think most of these rules are BS.

Now that I've given my opinion, & I'm off my soapbox..what's YOUR opinion?


Most Helpful Guy

  • anything I can say about this subject brando already said better. playing by these established rules which force you to suppress your natural emotional urges and intincts is a personal choice. making that choices means you are putting yourself in the middle of this "game" and, as a result, the people you will be dealing with are other contestants/players.

    but you also have the choice of totally ignoring these rules and going about the whole courting/dating process in a way that involves acting on your instincts and impulses, which puts you in a completely separate category, in fact almost a completely different world, from people who "play by the rules." and existing in this entirely different world means dealing with other people who live in this world. as a result, you end up dealing with other people who put their personalities out for all to see by acting on impulse, instinct, and emotion. it simplifies the process, I think, because you cut through the bullsh*t in the search for someone who genuinely likes you and is compatible with you.

    • I agree. But, it seems like when I suppress my emotions & hold everything back..when "it" ends, I regret not doing what I wanted to do the whole time.

      I would rather ignore the rules. I'm still not sure if I would ignore the "dont text or call first" rules, because I feel like if he wanted to talk to me, he would text or call. When something I tried fails after acting on instinct or impulse..I feel like it was because that person was not fit to be with the real me. I wish everyone would try this

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    • There you go =D

    • Cosmo is a magazine that caters to women. They sell to women. And in order for them to sell, they tell women what they want to hear. So they make up some pseudo psychology excuse to justify telling women "you can just sit back and mind your own business and he'll do all the work!" Now really, does at make a whole lot of sense?


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What Guys Said 11

  • 1 and 2 are bs man I mean sometimes I like to know if a girl is interested and I am not wasting my time, do you know what I am saying? Althugh I agree to an extent, doing it a couple of times it doesn't hurt and it creates mote mystery in my opinion.

    3 is true though...i don't want to hear that until we are in a relationship, if I hear that probably I am going to believe this girl really want to get married like right now!

    4 Funny that you mention that, because we get the same advice as well, never tell a girl anything so you can leave them guessing? I guess you shouldn't spilled your life early, but doing that creates connectio s between both of them, which is a most.

    5 I agree with the writer though, a lot of men like to take advantage and go the easy road, that however doesn't mean that if you sleep with him on the first date that he won't want a relationship, I know some people who have got married and had sex on the first date weird huh. But I d agree with you, why would you suck in the sack?

    6 yeah ai gree with you on that one...although some things are better let private, or to be shown with time and not too early

    • I'm having trouble with 1. & 2. haha. I texted him asking what time my date was with him...& he answered..that was our last text..he hasn't said anything since then..or called me once.

      Well.. on 3.. what if you dated a girl, & fell in love with her...then you asked her what she wanted, & she didn't want the same things at all?

      4. I agree. I believe you should be able to say a little. There needs to be a connection and it's nice to know if someone can relate to you.

      5. Agreed!

      6. =]

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    • lol well you gotta learn that some men are not very good with women and that they will not keep the conversation going or say the right things at the same time or maybe he was just busy you know?

    • I see I see. Yeah, I know what you mean.

  • Problem is everyone seems to following this advice, so you end up with two people that like each other but each refuses to text/call the other first, refuses to show more than a fleeting interest in the other and then spends the following few months hating the other person when it inevitably doesn't work out.

    • I agree. But, it's hard understanding what to do with the "texting/calling first" because women are told that they SHOULD NOT text or call a man first, it's his job. I hear some men say they wish women would stop thinking it's the mans job. But, then I notice when a woman calls or texts them..and they completely blow her off or ignore her. Rejection sucks, man. And, it's hard not knowing whether the other person is old-fashioned or modern day.

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    • Or finally communicate how they actually feel, from themselves and not what some blog on some site is telling them they should say. If you have to resort to games and psychological tricks and manipulation to get a boyfriend/girlfriend then what sort of relationship is that ?

    • I agree. It isn't a relationship at all. I still have trouble with this subject though..(speaking of current issues I'm dealing with)

  • Brando said it perfectly:

    "Play the game, you perpetuate the game."

    Be straight-up with guys and you'll do two things:

    1) get guys that are honest with you

    2) deter guys that want to play "games"

    Sounds like a win-win to me, QA. :)

    • This is ALSO a good answer. =] I've never really played the game though. haha. I mean.. I don't text or call first, because I'm afraid of turning him off. But, I'm not a good liar.

  • Hmm... In my experience, if you do step outside "what's acceptable", things tend to fizzle pretty quickly, even if you do connect on a deeper level.

    Once you get older and have more experiences, this truth will become more solid and evident, especially as the people in your dating pool walk in with heaps of baggage and reservations you gotta navigate around.

    And I think these rules you mentioned are good for the soulless everyman and everywoman. Some people can (theoretically) connect on a meaningful level (I've never seen it happen personally), so I guess maybe such people can transcend following rules.

    • What do you mean "the soulless everyman and everywoman"?

    • the men and women I see who live life by just going through the motions, without any real introspection, depth or complexity of thought, action or belief. They are the average repetitively dull faces of the bars, couches and cubicles of this great nation.

  • Wow! I guess all of the dating advice for females is as BS and F*cked up is it is for males! All of these belifes are dirived from the idea that men and women are competely different spices in the head because of our 180 opposite anatomies but just because our bodies are extremely different doesen't mean that our minds are and if our minds were really that different than how do we have the potential to love each other so well? and how could men and women loved each other throughout history so well if this were the case? I agree completely about throwing away the flawed rules based on our ''different'' brians and ''different'' phycologies. I even had a girl who asked me out leave because I broke the rules when we really liked each other regardless.

    Anyways, I enjoy your mind and thought process, you look lovely, if you are single would you like to get to know each other. I'm not really joking but that's okay.

  • Play the game, you perpetuate the game. Us young people look faaaaaaaaaaar too much into this stuff. If you see older people dating, they don't mess around. They've learned these are just stupid games and have grown out of it.

    • Good answer. :) Yeah.. I wish people would just lay all their cards out on the table, and be honest. It's so much easier that way. People make it so hard.

  • lol, I thought "game" only applies to guys

    • It applies to both.

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    • LOL. I'm not sure about that. I haven't tried counting people.

    • well more guys who haven't dated than there are girls who have not dated

  • Make your own game, this one sucks, a lot.

  • Yep I agree. Load of sh*t!

  • What book are those quote from QA? Is it "The Rules" or something else?

    • Some of it is from Why Men Marry Bitches, He's Just Not That Into You, different online and magazine articles I've read..and I believe Make Every Man Want You was one of the books I read over a little as well.

    • I've read through about a third of a book called Why Men Love Bitches (not sure if it's the same thing as the one you mentioned or related) and it's not totally insane. In fact, it's not really about "Bitches" as we know the word. I'd say the author cleverly used that word to drum up interest and buzz.

    • It's by the same woman I believe. I haven't read it yet. I guess because Why Men Marry Bitches irritated me on parts of it. That could very well be.

  • Dammit I just lost the game.

    Everyone that was not, you are now playing: the game.


What Girls Said 5

  • I don't think you should fake who you are as a person, but people who understand the psychology of others tend to do better in relationships. This goes from romantic relationships, professional networking, playing the game to make it to the top, dealing with difficult ppl, etc. Sometimes people need to know rules because they keep it so real that they don't realize their behaviors may turn others off or bore them.

  • It's beyond me how people buy in to such deceitful seduction techniques and expect to catch hold of 'love' which is pure and true, peaceful and eternal. Does it not occur to the 'rational-intellectual' side of humanity that 'falsehood' cannot coexist beside love which is true? Erm, they're polarities! Anyway, those authors make money off of the fool. It's sad really. Body language advice is cool, in my experience. Personality typing has shown some insight, in my experience. But, game-playing? Playing hard to get? Deliberately 'sh!t testing? Lol, come on?

    • I know, right?! They make it all into one BIG lie. My cousin got me to read Why Men Marry Bitches..I totally disagreed with so much of it. But, I couldn't talk her out of it. I told her the only men that marry bitches are in fact DICKS. Just sayin'. I love body language advice..its's awesome.. It's crazy to use it and study learn SO much. I hate mind games. Maybe it's all the "play the game" crap that causes such a high divorce rate. They get married and start to be

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    • Wowww@ believing you 'won the game' ?! what self deception. That's one of the biggest self-destructive hazards going. To deceive the self o.o

    • Right? lol. I don't think anyone can "win" It's constant work and effort if they want it to work. People need to learn what dedication is. :P

  • these rules have got to go. aha. I think they are Bs too, it just creates stress.

    • AGREED! I've have a ton of people telling me all these rules lately.. Stress? I've lost 5 lbs. Maybe I should stress just a bit more. :P

  • Holy sh*t. When does your new novel come out?

    • Haha. Sarcasm? Was it that bad? :P

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    • Calling a guy shows you like him.thete is nothing wring with doing that in a relstionsjip. No one is adking a girl to call him habitually. Women can't expect men to do all the work or relationships wouldn't exist. No one is asking you to experience things the hard way . I think that just because you go through an experience doesn't mean you have to be the one that had it. Sometimes other peoples mistakes can show an example and help others in the future

    • I couldn't agree with you more. And, I got a hold of the guy I liked..and it actually went pretty well. I hate 95% of the rules I read about dating.

  • yeah seriously f the rules. just be yourself and don't be crazy. yeah you shouldn't be running after anyone like mad without reciprocation, guy or girl. and laying out your entire life story on the first date is pretty extreme IMO. but a lot of these rules are common sense exaggerated which shows that some people clearly have no common sense when it comes to dating.

    i just read a book about how women are so unrealistic when it comes to love, they want a fairy tale, to be treated like a princess. they just live in fantasy land and throw away perfectly good relationships to end up alone because they aren't getting their fairy tale treatment. it's ridiculous! luckily I'm not into that sh*t and I don't expect a Prince Charming so hopefully I'll be better off :P

    • Mhm! I mean.. I don't think you should tell them all about your bodily functions, life problems, or EXTREMELY private/personal stuff right away.. Well, never bodily functions...unless you're married..then you just kinda know. ha. But, yeah..people just need common sense.

      I definitely don't expect a Prince Charming. I just except a decent guy that I can relate to, who lets me be me, & loves me for me, vise verse..that I can share things w/. You'd think it'd be so much easier than it really is.