And that is an understatement. I have a high libido, I love sex. I have been with many girls, I'm not desparate. I want a monogomous marriage someday with kids and all.
Here's the problem. I've been engaged 3 times, never married. I've been in and out of a few relationships, I hate being alone. Yet with most of my ex's I start to feel trapped, consider other women (never cheated) and yearn for a life of freedom.
When I'm alone I want someone and I want it to mean something, to feel like I have that persons trust and love completely. In all my relationships I love the person back, care and give them any love and support they need to make them feel secure.
Now I got my girlfriend pregnant, it was planned. It only took a week or 2. Now I'm feeling trapped, our relationship has been pretty rocky, lots of fighting, I yearn for freedom. I think of being alone again and it freaks me out. I feel like I've made a huge mistake but I'm going to go along with it simply because I'd be a worm if I didn't. How could I be so stupid?
WTF do I do. How do I make sense of this without tearing myself apart? How can I stick to my decision? I'd never be able to walk away from it without a huge amount of guilt that would kill me... Sticking with it feels like it'd kill me... I think it's depressing me, what's wrong with me? Jeez.
I'm not suicidal, I've been in and out of depression like a yoyo for the past 10 years, I've contemplated it but I'd rather live a life of mysery than ever do it. She knows this... Is this how I'm doomed to spend my life? Questioning every decision I make?
Before anyone suggests it, I already have recieved professional help. I suffer from generalized anxiety disorder. You can wikipedia it. Will I ever lead a normal life where I don't question each decision I make? If I could find the motivation I could do whatever I wanted to. I have an IQ of 139 and I'm good looking. Too stupid to figure my own life out though, stress clouds my judgement, I can't think clearly anymore. My mind is tearing me apart.
Anyway I know it sounds really morbid and pathetic, sorry about that. But it's chewing away at my soul. Any words of wisdom? Advice? A chew toy? Anything?
Most Helpful Guy
You have an anxiety disorder.
Everything else is fine. Seriously. Now the anxiety disorder is a big deal. But you describe your life as though there are a whole bunch of issues which must seem more overwhelming. But it's just that one. You DO seem to want a relationship. Having a child is amazing.
Keep working in the anxiety. Your life is on track. Worry about sorting out your thoughts.4
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