Should I be concerned?

my boyfriend and I live together and are in a serious relationship...but I found some online profiles on dating sites where he was talking to all these females and asking for their numbers. when confronting him of course he got angry says I am being insecure etc, but I caught him out there and he went and deleted them all, but the question is why would he do that? he says he just looking for friends, yet when you are in a relationship you shouldnt be trying to invite friends of the opposite sex into your lives, as if he still looking out there wanting to know them for what? he can't explain to me why he did this, yet I can't forgive him and move on from it unless I understand his reasons behind it. he says he loves me and wants to be with me, but right now he just isn't pleading his case, he has nothing to say when he should be doing everything he can to make me feel secure to make me believe this won't happen again...but he just can't seem to tell me any reason to my face. what would have happened if I didn't catch this? would have gone further like meeting these chics and seeing them? he says he hasn't cheated on me in that aspect...but he opened the door for trouble, voilated my trust ...i am not sure if can work thru this with him when he can't even justify his reasons.

Updates:
i have found out that one of the girls he was chatting up on the site he was using, he has been talking to on the phone, he lied and said he has never called her but I got his phone records and they text and talk all thru out the day and night
he says she is just a friend and haven't even met her and doesn't have any feelings for her. he says he is willing to stop talking to her, but he was talking excessively which isn't right, more so than talking to his own girlfriend. I'm so disturbed

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Most Helpful Girl

  • How is your relationship with him? Are you two getting along well? The thing is, I would have a hard time believing him myself. It would seem he is certainly starting to stray if he hasn't already. I would think very hard about this seeing as it is a lot harder to build trust once it has been broken. Couples therapy may help. I wouldn't let him get away with the whole jealous bit at all. His comment about jealousy is just his way of making you feel bad (it's manipulation). To me cheating starts with the intent.

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    • Things were rough a few months back but since the new year we have making more effort and getting back where we need to be, so I thought, he claims he is happy but just not with his life financially and work wise ....he just can't seem to speak right now since he feels bad as he says..

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    • I really can't say if he has been one to clam up as this is the first issue we have had that he can't seem to be honest with me until after I already catch him lying. did you check my updates on the situation?

    • Wow, that's really screwed up. I'm sorry but if he was doing that and he was my boyfriend I would leave him. I am not the type of person that is very forgiving to this sort of stuff. She's just a "Friend'. That's no excuse for him texting her all night long and chatting with her. Something tells me he'll find a different medium to do this. Suggest a trial seperation if he can't speak up with what he thinks is wrong.

What Guys Said 1

  • if he just wanted friends, he should had stuck with social networking sites, that's what they're there for. dating sites is crossing a line. did you see his status on these sites, was it attached or single? pretending to be single would be an indicator of something deeper.

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    • He had it as single, but after I see a girl made a comment about it, he changed it to "its complicated" yet 2 days before he claimed he was happy and wasnt doing anything of course. but on the couple pages he had it said in a relationship, but even so, if that's the case, why pursue any women you would talk too???? right now he can't talkt o me because he says he feels bad, hummm

    • I am sorry he had his page as in a relationship but then he changed it

    • I can't imagine there's no reason, whether he precisely knows what it is, is another thing entirely.

What Girls Said 4

  • I would be more than concerned, I would be out of there. I just think it's way out of line and for him to accuse you of being insecure because you're upset about it is manipulative (I had guy that used to use that one on me). The fact that he won't even talk to you about it is disturbing too. If you don't think you're ready to break up, suggest taking a break. Both of you will remain faithful but that way you can take some time away from him and really process this & I would ask him to contemplate if this is what he wants because stuff like this will never be okay with you. Take a set amount of time then meet up for lunch and talk. Hopefully he'll get it & if he doesn't... I don't know you but I'm sure you deserve better than that.

    It's always harder to give this kind of advice than it is to receive it. I'm so sorry... =/

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  • I've been through the same thing, 4 years ago.. and you know what... it still bothers me. I have serious trust issues, and I hate social networking sites.

    If he lies about these things.. he will lie again in the future.

    well I know it happened 8 months ago.. let me know what happend k?

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  • I would definitely be worried. Did you mention to him that you saw the status before he changed it? If so, what did he have to say about that? From having a lot of male friends and listening to the way they talk, when a guy makes you look like the bad guy, (his being mad, or telling you your insecure) that is a big "I'm guilty, but I want you to think you did something wrong, so you forget what I did wrong". If he weren't, don't you think he would have been much nicer about your feelings and try to smooth them over with warmth, not anger?

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  • i wish I could help you, but right now I'm dealing with just the same problem. But at least your boyfriend wasnt sending nude pictures of himself to girls that he found online. Well if you find out why they are doing this please let me know...

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    • I will let you know, he wasnt doing that but he already had one of the chichs phone numbers in his phone so I am not sure how often he would speak to her, this I plan to all find out more.

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