Should I Stop Contacting? How Long?

Girl I really care about and think she likes me too. 3 dates all went well but last was Feb 12th and gave her a little stuffed animal and chocolates but said it wasn't a big deal. Also only peck kissed her and hugged since this is first girl I cared about since divorce and nervous (will do better if I get 4th!)

Now she hasn't returned call on v day. Thursday I texted her about dinner and movie Sunday but she text back Friday night she already had plans, maybe another time but sounded fun. She never talks/text on phone much but definitely pulled more now. We talk great in person!

Should I hold off a week before asking her out again and give her some space? She is thirties, independent, and never married. Gorgeous girl but from what I heard, doesn't date much.

Also there is a concert this week we are both going to but separately. We both had tickets with our own friends before we met. Should I try to text her while there about seeing her for a min or just stay quiet the week unless she contacts me? Don't want to be needy but also don't want to be rude and seem too uninterested.

Thanks so much for all of your help getting a divorced guy back dating again!


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I'm divorced and I know what you're going through... dating again can feel so strange!

    Don't do what I did... don't approach dating like you did your relationship. It took me a while to figure this out...

    In a relationship the girl wants your obvious affection and attention and assurance.

    In dating those things kill her attraction.

    Attraction is about tension and mystery and flirting and fun. And it's also about being the type of guy who's not worrying too much about her opinions of you.

    Basically do what ever you want, just pull back the reigns a little at first.

    Your emotions will want you to contact her all the time. So do, just do it once for every three times you have the urge. Instead of everyday, just do it every three days... unless she initiates more.

    Also.. not every text has to have meaning. Not every text needs to be all about business, "Let's date."

    Instead they should be more flirty and fun.

    So, at the concert? Text her a photo of you laughing at the phone with the stage behind you with a big thumbs up.

    She turned down a date? Text her a funny photo 4 days later... maybe you at the pet store with a rabbit on your head. Or a cat wearing a hat. Something cute but that doesn't make sense.

    Or a picture of you those shoes you were both talking about.

    Sometimes just photos without text are way more fun and interesting!

    Just make sure she can actually get photos on her phone...

    And don't' "ask" her on a date.. invite her out on an adventure!

    Don't do this: "Hey Sarah, will you have dinner with me tonight?"

    Try this, "Drop all your plans Tuesday, I'm going to pick you up for a quick food adventure at 6!"

    then don't tell her where you're taking her, even if it's just the local cupcake shop.. it'll be more fun for her if it's a mystery...

    Does this help or even make sense?

    ~ Robby

    My Blog ( link )

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    • Thanks so much Robby! That makes all the sense in the world to me. I do treat this like a relationship because that is what I am used to. I do want to contact her bad but waiting 4 days seems an eternity after being married. I feel like I am turning her off by not talking to her but thanks for helping me see that is not the case. My texts are often business like!

      Thanks Man! I'm checking out your blog too!

    • Texting her everyday is okay but only if she expresses the same amount of interest. Are her text messages as long as yours? Does she end them with questions that initiate more texting or does she end them with statements that end the conversation, etc.

      My point is this... don't smother her with attention unless she's doing the same. Match her interest levels and you'll have more luck.

      And, of course, flirt and have fun. Dating isn't a relationship yet. :)

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