Is it better to think how she's impressing you instead of the other way around?

I had an epiphany a couple nights ago. I was texting this girl I had been interested in, being interesting and teasing and all that, but I was continually disappointed by the quality of her responses. They weren't interesting and kind of boring, even though she always texted me back. Then I kind of realized..."why am I even trying for this girl?"

And with that I felt so liberated. I had spent all my time chasing girls, even if they'd disappoint me or not be as cool as I thought they were. Wouldn't matter, I'd try to show them how cool I was. And of course, it got me nowhere.

But if I look at it as seeing if she's impressing me enough or not to spend time chasing her, it makes it easier. If she doesn't measure up, instead of continuing chasing her, I kind of think "oh, she's boring/not as cool as I thought" and then quit wasting my time on her.


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What Girls Said 2

  • Yes its definitely something people should focus on. Women/men are only on a pedestal because you put them there. Why should one person make all the effort, there has to be mutual attraction and interest so if you view it like you do you save yourself a lot of time and effort But I think nowadays people are afraid of being seen as desperate or needy or cling and so try to remain aloof hence all the game playing between the sexes.

    I am pretty straight forward and respect the same trait, if you're not interested just say it and we can stop wasting each others time and move on with out any negative feelings like mature adults

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    • I love your last sentence. I've had only one girl in my life who, after initially agreeing on a date, came out and said there was another guy and she wanted to start getting serious with him so she didn't want to do it. I respected her greatly for that and, after a while, we became friends.

    • See a bit of maturity goes a long way, everyone knows where they stand, there's no confusion and eventhough you may not make it as a couple it doesn't mean you have to leave each others lives completely. Hopefully you'll meet more than one in your life.k

  • While I fully understand what you're saying and agree you shouldn't continue talking/texting someone you find boring, you've got your initial thought process backwards.

    Evolutionary science explains very clearly that men have always been the aggressors, the ones who chase the woman he's interested in. Men are hard-wired that way from millions of years of our ancestors doing it. The woman responded if she was impressed with him.

    Likewise, women are hard-wired to respond to men who impress them (or at least make the effort). Most women are pretty down to earth about it (yes, there are exceptions to the rule too). Meaning, if a guy is always smiling at me, or opening doors for me, or being supportive, etc, etc, etc, then it's the little things that impress me. Personally, I'm not one of those women who is impressed with money or a fancy car. I like a man who is intelligent, can be sensitive, has a sense of humor, has a kind heart, etc.

    Women are as different and varied as men. Don't let one bad apple spoil your whole experience. When you find someone worthwhile she'll recognize just how great you are and will demonstrate her appreciation by being more enthusiastic when she talks with you or laughing at your jokes, saying thank you when you've done something nice, etc.

    You're too young to become jaded and cynical this early on, so let it roll off your back and get out there to find someone you'll enjoy talking to and spending time with.

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    • I like a lot of the points you made and it indeed frustrates me because I have all the qualities you mentioned (intelligent, sensitive, humourous, kind heart) and usually it goes for naught. Even if there's a girl who's into it at first, she drifts away.

      But the mindset I'm talking about is geared more towards me not wasting useless energy on girls who don't deserve it or haven't shown much to deserve it. After all, I'm spending my energy/time interested in them, and if I don't get much in

    • return in terms of interest from them, what's the point in continuing to chase?

    • Once you see their interests are waning, stop chasing. Now I see that's what you've been doing wrong. It's their loss because you sound like a great guy (if those are truly qualities you possess). It may not seem like it right now, but as you get older you'll look back on women you've waanted it to work out with and you'll think, "Thank God it didn't." That's no joke. I'm a big believer in everything for a reason and everything at the right time. It'll happen; until then don't sweat it.

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