How do I clarify my intentions to date her?

There's this girl at school that I met this semester, and we're quite friendly. I asked her out for coffee (though I didn't use any words explicitly saying that I had a date in mind.). She agreed, and we're meeting tonight. However, I'm not sure if she realizes that I had a date in mind and that I'm possibly interested in being more than friends with her. How can I tell whether she she knows it's a date as opposed to a strictly platonic thing and if she doesn't realize, how should I make it clear to her that it's a date?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Here's the best advice (I've been in this situation before):

    If you start worrying about whether she knows it's a date, you're going to start worrying, and that is counter-productive. So no matter what you do, FORGET that you ever posted this question, and just go have a good time with her, with zero expectations. If you are too obviously interested in a girl, and the interest isn't reciprocated, you are dead in the water -- that is how the game works.

    However, if you show lack of interest, that won't cause her not to be interested in you -- it could have the opposite effect. So don't worry about the bad things that might happen if you don't make it clear that "it's a date;" the truth is that there are no negative consequences associated with this possibility. Just relax, and try to have fun (and make sure she has fun, or as much fun as possible on a stupid little coffee date).

    So just go have coffee with her, and try to be confident and fun without being weird, and don't insist on communicating that "it's a date," maybe instead come prepared with some kind of follow-up, like inviting her to a party that no one else has invited her to.

    If the "coffee date" goes well -- in other words, you relax around each other and things don't get weird -- then she will probably accept the follow-up invitation, and if she goes on a coffee date with you AND goes to a party that only you invited her to, then she MUST begin realizing that you're into her, except you'll have been a little more subtle about it, which is a good thing.

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What Girls Said 9

  • u can't 'tell' her its a date. you never asked her if she wanted to go on a date. I think you have to just go out for coffee , then ask her out on a date. that way she won't feel manipulated.

    i don't think its appropriate to just have intentions towards someone. they are supposed to be part of the decision making process.

    now, she might think of it as a date, but since your not sure, id wait on any physical stuff you had in mind. just ask her out for another time as an actual 'date'.

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    • If I ask a girl out for coffee, I can't imagine how she would interpret as anything other than a date.

    • if I ask a guy out for coffee, id mean coffee. anyways, none of this matters. you assuming she should read your mind, has nothing to do with the fact, they didn't agree on a date.

  • I guess just amp up the flirting a bit. Don't go overboard with it, but smile lots, touch her on the arm, tell her she looks nice... stuff like that.

    Don't worry about her realizing if it's a date or not. That will stress you out and it won't go exactly how you want it to go!

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  • Act like you are actually interested in her during the date without being obnoxious and without acting like a friend either, and she will know. Sometimes you don't have to spell everything.

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  • If she doesn't already know, she'd probably ask, or realize by the end of coffee that it's a date.

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  • Typically, I don't think girls would hang out with a guy one on one if she would not be okay with the concept of a date, because she wouldn't want to give him the wrong idea. Just see how this time works out, and if you're still interested in seeing her, the next time you ask her out you can make it more obviously what you're wanting.

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  • Girls are not numb as you think. Asking a girl to go out whether you tell your intentions or not they do mind its a date.

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  • Most girls get the idea that "going out for coffee" is a date.

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  • you have to tell her you like her and possibly face rejection.

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  • tell her you are interested in her and knowing her more than a friend.

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What Guys Said 6

  • What difference does it make if she knows you have a "date" in mind? Seriously. Think about it. You have a chance to interact with her one-on-one. What you need to do now is the same if it's a date or if you pulled her aside at a party or if you chatted her up at a coffee shop. You need to have fun, get her to have fun WITH you, get her smiling/laughing and get her attracted to you. Get some flirting going on, get her number and get her to agree to a "second date." The reality is, it doesn't matter WHAT she thinks they are: if you attract her and she agrees to more one-on-one time, it's a win. If she doesn't it's time to move on. Plus, none of ANY of this makes any real difference until you kiss her. THAT'S when it moves into the realm of "dating." Not when she calls it a date, or when you call it a date or when someone else calls it a date.

    Good luck, my man! Let us know how it goes.

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  • Clarify it through your actions and words on the date itself. Give her compliments, enter her personal space like touching her hair, or leaning in and putting your hand on your shoulder when saying something. Pay for the coffee. etc

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  • Umm what kind of friendship do you have? Why not text her a little quip and put the word "date" in there. More importantly, you've already missed the key opportunity to bring up that its a date and that's when you first asked her out. I would just show up and be flirty. Women can pick up on flirty vibes pretty easy unless she's socially awkward. If she's feeling it out she'll go with it.

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  • Do NOT make your intentions clear with words. Let her know by flirting, teasing, banter, maybe even a little physical contact (not too much). If it goes well, ask her out again at the end of the "date".

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  • A lot of good responses here already; just wanted to say good luck, brotha.

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  • Girls are usually pretty aware on picking up signals. She probably already has an idea in mind that it's something of a date.

    Play it casual but play it smooth. You'll be fine.

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