I still have feelings for this guy...I have a complicated situation I would like to have a mature answer

so I dated this guy, who happens to work with me at the same job. bad idea, I know. but hear me out...so we dated a couple of dates and of course I like him, he seemed to have reasonable excuses for missing 2 dates. he didn't seem to show consideration telling me only 30 minutes ahead that he couldn't make it due to these excuses. he happens to be a manager at work also but then finally I confronted him diplomatically and he said he had wanted to cut things off. it was OK for him to touch me sexually after these couple of dates, cancel dates and then cut it off. of course I'm quite upset and he's been looking away from me at work and checking other girls in front of me. I feel uncomfortable at work and because I still have feelings for this guy, my decision making is horrible at the moment.

Updates:
what would you do in my situation? is it not OK to bring up this issue to human resources? the fact that right now he's making it uncomfortable for me to work?
um I hate to break it to you but I already know he's allowed to change his mind about sh*t.

my main concern is myown emotional health at t his job...thanks...yes of course it's unfair.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • This is indeed a complicated situation. The guy is allowed to change his mind and lose romantic interest in you, and it is natural that the interaction between you two would become awkward as a result. However, since you do work together, there needs to be a mature way of handling the situation.

    As difficult as it is when you have feelings for someone, you need to accept that he is entitled to not be interested in you any more, and it is natural that he'll develop interest in others. With that in mind, you might want to discuss with him ways in which you can continue working together despite the history. Only if that doesn't work, and you think his behavior toward you is unfair, would I go to HR and seek their help.

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What Guys Said 5

  • OK. You asked for a mature answer so here it is. You are in a bad situation which is half of your own making. That said, he should never have asked you out or agreed to go out with a subordinate. Now you're on the short end. I would strongly suggest that you either transfer to another manager or department at work if that's possible or start a job search for a new job. In my opinion, you have no case for sexual harassment unless he does something overt in front of a bunch of witnesses who will, and this is the important part, testify against him. I would suggest you accept that he's not going to be neutral with you and get out. Sorry for the bad news but there is no silver bullet solution for this situation.

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  • If he's YOUR manager, then I would definitely go to HR as soon as possible, tell them what happened and that you're extremely uncomfortable working under him. Tell them that you'll deal with it if you have to, but you'd appreciate if they could move you to a different position within the company so that you won't be directly under him.

    Chances are that they'll do so without hesitation. As far as corporations go, you're in an extremely volatile situation here. You could easily claim that you were seduced by your boss, and that you felt as if you couldn't really refuse him because of your position, and that would open the door for all kinds of lawsuits. Moving you somewhere else may be an inconvenience, but not nearly as inconvenient as a formal investigation.

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  • Well you shouldn't bring this up to the HR. Afterall, you played, you lost, and this has no consequence regarding job. It would just give you a snitch reputation, and the HR wouldn't do anything about it anyway, since it was consensual. Unless there is a particular policy in your company, but then you'd be guilty too in their eyes.

    Otherwise, the guy is a SOB. You should talk about it to your female colleagues, if you trust them and are trusted by them enough.

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    • Well as you said, you knew the risks. So live with it now. Next time, remember never to date a colleague at work..

    • the only consequence is I am emotionally harmed and physically harmed by this guy, snitch lol, wow...

      I would probably look into ot

    • Well yeah. I'm sorry but in a HR management's point of view, you'll be seen as a trouble bringer. And these guys don't like that. You'll end up being the one responsible for making a fuss, unless you prove he abused you knowing what he was doing. Good luck with that.

      I'm very sorry he played with you, but again, you knew the risks involved with dating someone at work.

  • dont mention this to HR ! you are guilty of dating him too! I would let this go, he obviously played you using his management position, he realized you don't put out easily so he's hunting for a new prey ! you were simply played ! if you're dates or him touching you was on the workplace, you can tell HR but it won't do much cus you aloud it to happen. now if you want mention to HR he's a flirty guy with workers and they may catch him in the act

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  • why did he want to break it off? what happened? you two should be doing great together!

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