Husband left another women for me when we first started dating?

Well,

I just found out that my now husband was dating someone else when we first started dating. Obviously he broke up with her. He did so because he started to get feelings for me. We were friends and hung out sometimes. I didn't even know he had a girlfriend at the time (and we were in the barely dating stage where we didn't even hug and it was more like two friends hanging out).

I don't know why he wouldn't tell me about this information? Why did he keep it a secret? I am not sure how I would have taken the news knowing that he just left another girl for me? But I am pretty sure I would not have spent as much time with him if I had known he had a girlfriend.

This question is probably silly, cause I don't think it changes how I feel about my husband now. I am so happy I am married to him. I just am shocked and trying to process this new information.


0|0
3|3

Most Helpful Guy

  • Well, he might have just never mentioned it because he generally didn't think it was important.

    Many people feel that in dating, it's perfectly acceptable to date many people at the same time especially when you don't have any real feelings for them. It's how you get out, do fun things, have sex maybe, whatever.

    It's only when you're actually involved with someone seriously, that you have the talk about being exclusive, and then you're in a real relationship.

    Sounds to me like you were someone he was dating, but not exclusively. And when he started having real feelings for you, he did the correct thing and stopped seeing everyone else and devoted himself to you exclusively.

    I think you might have been operating under an assumption about his dating habits, without ever having actually confirmed them.

    It might help you to realize that what your husband did is not uncommon. It is in fact, very typical, and very normal.

    1|0
    0|0
    • Thank you so much for this. I think you're right about it not being uncommon. I guess, it was just news for me because when I dated, exclusive or not, I only dated one person at a time. I guess it was always just easier for me to only manage dating one person at a time. This isn't how many people date though, which is OK. Thank you again. I have even more peace of mind now.

What Guys Said 2

  • He probably thought, that you might think, that he would leave you easily if he found yet another woman. His reasoning behind this, I'm going to assume, is that he didn't want to come off as a player. Now of course, thankfully, your marriage a happy one, but from his standpoint, there was absolutely no benefit in telling you that information, as I'm sure you would have had second doubts at the time. Thankfully, it all ended well in the long run.

    1|0
    0|0
  • Don't worry about it. That was when, this is now.

    Get over it. You don't want to start unwanted drama.

    1|0
    0|0

What Girls Said 3

  • When people first start dating the info they know about each other is limited. He was in no way obligated to tell you who he was dating or stop dating anyone else until you two decided to be exclusive. There is no reason to be upset about this. When you decided to make a commitment to each other, he stopped seeing her, he did the right thing. Whether or not you would have kept dating him at the time if you'd been privy to the information doesn't matter, that's not how it happened. You are happily married from the sound of it, let sleeping dogs lie.

    1|0
    0|0
  • I think he didn't tell you at the first place because he afraid that you might have so many bad perceptions towards him.Since he left that girl for you,he thinks that you won't trust him anymore.Anyway we can't force ourselves to keep loving someone when we don't love them anymore so can't blame him for this.

    1|0
    0|0
  • I thinkhe's trying to tell you how much he loves/loved you from the very first moment

    1|0
    0|0
Loading...