Why is it that I'm able to give everyone all of this amazing advice?

But I can't keep my own relationship? I mean people always come asking me for advice from flirting to sex and I tell them and they always come back thanking me for how much it helped them. But for me, relationships just don't work, they either last a while or fall into disarray or one side gets hurt or something terrible. I just don't get why I can give advice yet my own relationships turn out awful usually.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Hey, I know great things about nutrition and exercise and I am able to apply them to myself, but not necessarily consistently or to the fullest. I also know better about certain relationship matters but in the heat of passion, they can fly out the door.

    It is easier to be a back seat driver, than be in the driver's seat having to make the decisions at the same time as you are driving. It's normal, it's human, it's okay.

    Oh, and as for relationships not working, falling into disarray or having one person or the other get hurt, that's life. Especially at your age. You are still trying to figure out things for yourself and so is any girl you are with. We also are more willing to argue and be out for ourselves than we might be when we get older. Hang in there. Just try to learn from your mistakes and move on.

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What Girls Said 6

  • It's all a matter of objectiveness. I have the same issue... I've never been in an official relationship, but everyone I know says I give the best dating advice. It's because I'm objective about it that I can see things clearly. Some of the advice I give comes from my own past, too. I almost dated this guy once who turned out to be a stalker, but since I have that experience, I can see when someone is a creep. Something about them just reminds me of "he-who-shall-not-be-named" (no, not Voldemort.) Like not their looks exactly, but something about how they hold themselves, or a look in their eyes or something... I freaked out once when I saw a picture of my friend's boyfriend. I had never met him, but I saw the picture and just got cold chills. I immediately called her and told her to stay away. Sadly, I was too late and he had already raped her... Anyway, the reason that you can't seem to succeed in your own relationships is because you are IN them, and therefore can't see them objectively. That's why it's good to have a friend who can. Also, I've found from my own experience and watching others, that the easiest way to have a successful relationship is to stay out of relationships until you are ready to put your heart and soul into pursuing it. I'm waiting until I get out of college to pursue a serious relationship, because I know there's not much of a chance that one will succeed now, since I'll be moving across the country in a year. Then, when the time comes to pursue a relationship, you will be ready to focus on it, and will come at the situation more objectively. It helps to have a list of qualities that your future partner needs to have, so if you are ever in the midst of it all and can't seem to see things objectively, you can return to that list and just look at the facts. Hope I helped!

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  • It's so much easier to judge other situations than your own, or to act on your own advice. Right now, I'm pursuing a guy who doesn't deserve me for many reasons. With anyone else, I would have told them to drop him SO long ago, but my heart doesn't want to do that, so I'm not listening to the clear cut advice in my head.

    Plus, relationships aren't based just on you. Two people make them, two people break them.

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  • It's easier to give advice rather than actually doing it yourself.

    Anyways, sometimes we need an outsiders opinion and look on the situation we're in.. we tend to miss a lot of the things that are right in front of us.

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  • I have this same problem and I think it might be that either we appear to much like we know it all or that we have it all together and don't need anyone? That's what I've been thinking.

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  • ikr! same here

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  • Emotions cloud your own relationships -- its much easier to make decisions on paper.

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What Guys Said 12

  • This is exactly my problem.

    I think its a combination of both things people are saying here. The first being, that it's much easier to see things without a bias when you're an onlooker, but when you're the one in the relationship, you're judgment is clouded by your emotions and your ultimate agenda. The second is that the fact that you can give great advice, not only puts you in a position of being the nice guy in and around your peers, but it means personality wise, that this is probably the mold that you fit in. I'm the same way. I was raised to treat people with respect and help those in need, but ironically all that does is get you stepped on and used, go figure.

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  • well, first off hate to deflate your optimism but its probably not very good advice at all. See, good advice isn't what "sounds" good, but what is realistic and practical to the real world. "Saying what they want to hear" is a great way to get people to feel good about their situation, but it might not help them at all in the long run.

    To give "good" advice, I'm a firm believer that you have to be living it yourself. It's easy to theorize what "should" or "shouldn't" work, but without testing it in the real world you really cannot have any confidence in your words. Gotta test the theoretical with reality to see if they match up, and if they don't change your thoughts and beliefs.

    Also another thing, more related to your exact question: It's easy to think you understand someone and their problems when you don't know them. Much harder to do with friends and people in your life. That's why at some level, any "guru" out their is full of sh*t to some extent, since they have to generalize people's problems.

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  • Because when it comes to your own relationships, you lack objectivity.

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  • It's a lot easier to give advice then to follow your own. Pretty simple.

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  • The neutral perspective is the most important.

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  • A relationship is by definition the product of both of your efforts; you could be the most attractive guy in the world for most girls and if the one you're dating is a bratty bitch, then there's not much you can do. The point is - you aren't necessarily responsible for a failed relationship.

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  • Join the club. My advice is that you stop helping others, and focus on your own life. That doesn't mean your being rude, it means you're finally putting yourself FIRST for once.

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  • Knowing the answer and acting it out are entirely different things

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  • Because the best advice comes from studying relationships, not having them.

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  • Most people are unaware their own actions when handling their own situations. This is because our own emotions results in a subconscious behavior which affects our judgement.

    However, some individuals know how to get into a personality of someone and determine where to go from the situation. Not because they have the training for the skill and were taught it. It's just a skill they posses. Quite rare too, from what I've been told.

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  • Because you are the good friend and not the bad boy. Sometimes you just need to show them instead of giving advice.

    Some people learn by reading it or by hearing it. Others are more hands on. :)

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  • Welcome to my world...

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