What I'm not getting, I'm starting to get from someone else...

im feeling really neglected by my boyfriend right now. I feel that in a relationship the two people need to be a "team" and that there's give and take. we're about 6 hours away from each other, but we text throughout the day/talk at night and see each other about once a month for a week at a time.

i just feel like I'm not able to tell him that I'm not getting the emotional support from him that I need. a freshman girl took a candid pic of him in class and posted it to his fb wall and I asked him about it saying it was a little flirtatious on her behalf. I've never seen anyone in college do something like that. now, I KNOW that there's nothing he can do about it, except for watch the way he acts around her to be sure he's not sending mixed signals. but he totally disagreed with me on it and refused to take my side in saying that it was a little flirtatious of her.

it's not just that though. I just feel like in general I can't talk to him about things, especially now, because he feels like I'm "harping" on stuff. ALL I want is for him to be on my "team" and be a supportive boyfriend, and when I feel down or upset about anything in my life ask why. I want to marry my best friend, and though we've been together for 4 months he's barely opened up to me at all, his reason being that he doesn't really open up to anyone.

i just feel this emotional disconnect, and I feel like I can't bring it up because he'll think I'm nagging or something, so I don't know what to do. but it's genuinely making me sad, and I don't know how a relationship can progress forward without that emotional bond. what's worse is that I'm starting to talk to another guy friend of mine, who I've only been in touch with for about 2 weeks, and I feel like he listens and gives me what I'm lacking. my boyfriend knows I'm talking to him, but doesn't know that that other guy is filling a void.

what do I do?


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What Guys Said 2

  • Alright, I'm going to make a couple of points here.

    First, you say "i just feel like I'm not able to tell him..."

    That's a problem. You can't be with someone that you can't communicate with. When you're in a relationship with someone, you need to be able to feel that you can talk to them about anything without being judged. And "anything" includes problems and concerns you're having in and about your relationship.

    Second, you say you want him to ask why you're feeling down or upset. First, you need to make sure that he ~knows~ that you're feeling down or upset. Oftentimes, you women think you're putting out these HUGE signals that are, in reality, practically insignificant. And it's not only unfair to expect a guy to pick up on them, it's stupid, so just make sure you're not doing that.

    Bottom Line:

    You NEED to talk to him about exactly what you're feeling. If he starts saying that you're harping on him or anything, tell him that if he can't at least listen to your concerns, then there's no reason for the two of you to be in a relationship. If that doesn't at least knock a little sense into him, or he tries turning things around on you, then break up with him.

    And either way, you should probably stop talking to this new guy for awhile. If you decide to work things out with your boyfriend, he'll only become a problem for you, and if you break up, then you need to take some time to clear your head before you jump into a relationship that's based on the clearing of negative feelings.

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    • You NEED to talk to him about exactly what you're feeling. If he starts saying that you're harping on him or anything, tell him that if he can't at least listen to your concerns, then there's no reason for the two of you to be in a relationship. If that doesn't at least knock a little sense into him, or he tries turning things around on you, then break up with him.

      ^I agree with this completely.

      (Everyone puts and signals,instead of talking about what's bothering them. Its not just Women.)

    • I'll agree that everyone puts out signals instead of talking.

      However, men are QUITE overt with their signals, and women will ~frequently~ act as if nothing at all is wrong, except for one tiny little almost imperceptible change, maybe in their attitude, maybe in their tone of voice, it varies by woman, but it's almost like they're testing their partner to see how attentive they are, instead of simply acting like something's wrong.

  • Apart from the girl that posted the picture have you talked to him about the way you feel, basically saying everything you just said?

    I can understand that you may feel like he doesn't care but its one thing to feel that way if you haven't tried.

    There is nothing else you can do right now except tell him how you feel and if he doesn't understand and start opening up more then you guys won't go far because it will always be tough. You shouldn't just give up on him just because you started talk to a new guy friend that seems to listen. If you've exhausted everything with your boyfriend about expressing yourself and him expressing him self and nothing is moving forward then go from there.

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