Texting during dinner - am I out of line?

I got into an argument with my boyfriend over him texting during dinner. We hadn’t seen each other in a few days and we finally got together to spend sometime over dinner. The whole time he was texting. I told him NICELY “babe can you put your phone away your being rude.” He shrugged his shoulder and finished his text and put the phone away. He didn’t even talk to me he looked at the menu and grabbed the phone again. He did this 2 more times. I finally got irritated and I took the phone from him and I told him STOP. He looked at me and said “wtf is your problem? I always text you never cared before?” I said not during dinner your rude and I haven't seen you in days and all you want to do is text?

So we had dinner not really talking, I gave the phone back and we went home. There he wasn’t talking. I asked him what was wrong and he said nothing now you want to be nice at the restaurant your being a bitch and now you want to be nice and talk? I asked him if he wanted to be alone he said leave if you want I don’t f***in care. So I left but not before calling him an a**hole and telling him to f off. I feel bad I feel like I let my immature anger get the best of me. But I don’t think I did anything out of line, did i?

Updates:
So it's safe to say that we all agree I'm about more than 50% to blame for the situation escalating. Thank you all for you opinions. You have given me great insight as to what he might be going through or how I might have embarrassed him. Unitl right now I haven't said sorry and I haven't done so out of pride. I thought I was RIGHT. Turns out I'm just as immature and guilty. He tried to blame it on my pregnancy hormones but I Knew better.
OKAY PEEPS! I decided to apologize seeng that the fight was escalated to begin with. I apologized int he am. I called and sent a text. No answer from him until 11pm. In the message I acknowldge my behavior and said sorry. I said sorry for name calling and mentioned that it was unneccessary. He replied hours later with love u. I called him when I got the message he was short and cold. the call lasted no more than 2 minutes because he wasn't talking.
he then ended the call with ill call your or see you around. Talk about a slap in the face. What a jerk,

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I have to agree that what he did was out of line. But the way you reacted could have potentially made the situation worse with the way you were being openly confrontational about it. IF clear, concise verbal communication doesn't cut it, then you two shouldn't be together and he shouldn't be with anyone until he grasps that concept.

    Never, ever, ever be the one to cause the situation to escalate to a higher level of confrontation. By ripping the phone from his hands you came dangerously close to escalating it to a physical confrontation and that is something I cannot condone. Voice your concerns and if that doesn't cut it, simply walk away. That's what I do.

    That being said, I think it should be known that couples tend to get this way when they've been dating for a long time. Things like dating etiquette, how to communicate, and just plain how to treat each other change over the course of your time together as a couple and the "formalities" involved, along with the etiquette/manners that result from them, tend to erode away.

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What Guys Said 33

  • he was out of line, not you. I mean fair enough if he answered one text if it was important, but to text throughout the whole dinner and then being immature enough to make it into an argument is both rude and pathetic. don't say sorry, this is not your fault.

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  • He was being rude. You don't f***ing text or take a phone call on a date.

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  • I think you two are a good match.

    You each do your part to escalate the overall rudeness in a relationship.

    Also, separately, he seems disinterested and/or taking you for granted. This is nothing to do with rudeness - if he had better manners he would simply care to hide this better. If I were you I would not focus on the rudeness of what he did but the reason - was the texting time sensitive or what are other reasons for him to have done it instead of focus on the time you two have together.

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  • ehhh sounds like this is about more than just texting, but to answer your question, you weren't out of line until you told him to f off, even though he was being immature by calling you a bitch. I say to either figure out what's really going on or break up.

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    • The texting is what's bothering me. . . I feel like the other person on the other end is more important. I know me calling him names was dumb and I should have just left with out spitting in my 2 cents.

  • I think your relationship is going down the drain. If he's that bored to not even want to talk to you, face-to-face, then it's not looking good.

    I went out with a female friend for a bite to eat and she couldn't stay off her phone. Instead of b*tching about it, I let her do it while I went to the bar to talk to someone else.

    And the way you handled it wasn't good. You only inspired him to piss you off more since he was agitated. Don't force him to stay off the phone. Sit there, relax, look around, and find something else to do, read, or text a friend up. If he doesn't want to pay attention to you, then you can play the same game.

    Or if it really bothers you, cut the date short and walk out. You can see him again in a week. Perhaps that's what you two need - more space and more time instead of seeing each other every 3-4 days.

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  • You did take it a bit too far, but he wasn't helping either. I think its offending if someone answers a call or a text while having dinner with me.

    (unless its something important of course. Like a parent calling or children calling). If you know before having dinner that you are expecting a call or a text its good to inform your company also. If you didn't know and you see its your boss or someone that very probably has something important to say you inform your company by saying: sorry I wasn't expecting this but its from work/wife/boss and its might be important, I will be right back with you. At that point you leave the table and answer the call.

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  • First of all, it isn't right to text during a meal, because its just not appropriate. Texting during meals is not giving the proper respect and attention to the people you (I mean "you" as in the general public) are eating with. There is a decline in manners and conduct these days. Your boyfriend should not have been texting during a meal.

    Relationships should be about understanding, and giving and taking. In a healthy relationship, your boyfriend should have been willing to see your point of view. He should have understood that since you hadn't seen each other for a few days, you two got this chance to be together, and he made you feel that he wasn't giving you the attention and the care that you wanted. These days, relationships are not as good as they were back then, before there was technology. Whether he is texting with regard to work or friends, it is appropriate to leave all that behind during meals.

    It is understandable that you didn't want him to text during a meal, but taking his phone away would make things worse. Try finding a gentleman. A gentleman wouldn't treat a lady like that. A gentleman wouldn't curse at his girlfriend (you) just because she didn't like what he was doing. Also, it wouldn't be right to respond to anger and cursing with your own anger and cursing.

    While it is a good thing to be apologetic, it wouldn't do to apologize, and then later, during another dinner, have the same situation play out again and again. You know that he won't change, and most likely will not change. Apologizing, in this situation, would only make him feel like he can take advantage of you. It is wrong for him to take advantage of you and blame you as the victim, when in fact it is his behavior in the first place that you were not happy with. Don't take his phone away. Just use words.

    Try increasing your interpersonal communication skills. First, tell him what behavior you see him doing. Then try telling him why you think it is wrong. Then ask him why he is doing what he is doing. If he still doesn't want to change, then that is something that you will have to deal with. If there are other areas in which he doesn't give you his full attention, then maybe he will not be able to commit. Maybe he will not be able to devote himself fully to the relationship, and maybe that will be a problem later on. If you don't communicate what you want clearly, then it is possible that he won't, and still doesn't, know exactly what it is that you wanted and were trying to do, namely, not wanting him to text while eating. It is also possible that something you see as rude does not seem like rude behavior to him. Good luck.

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    • It isn't about whose fault it is. It is not your fault, but it isn't entirely his fault either. Instead of trying to split blame and giving a number to it, it is about caring and understanding. Both you and your boyfriend can make mistakes sometimes, but it is up to the individual to change those mistakes. Sometimes, if you can't change other people, it is better to just change how you can react to those people (or situations).

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    • Deserves BA indeed. :)

    • Aw, thanks:) It was a long time ago though.

  • Nah, that would piss me off too.

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  • The worst thing you can do is text on cell during a dinner date with other. OMFG it aggravated me so much!

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    • Thank you! I thought we were over the argument after dinner starting getting better towards the end we laughed a little and made small talk. As soon as we got in the car he turned into an ass. I hate when people do that.

  • Nah, I'd say you're less than 50% at fault. maybe 40/60 or 30/70 (you/yourbf) Texting during a date is terribly rude and shows a complete lack of respect or care.

    It's one thing if you have an emergency, but another thing if you can't take your eyes off of the phone during a date.

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    • I tried to apologize yesterday for how I reacted. I said sorry for the name calling and escalating the situation. He didn't reply until 11pm. I called him and he was super quiet and I he said he didn't want to see me for a few days. WTF? Now I'm wondering who the heck he was texting :(

    • He should be the one apologizing, not you. texting during a date, and then cursing/ calling you a bitch. That's so out of line.

  • Usage of a phone is a pet peeve of mine while on a date... Unless it is an emergency and someone is trying to reach you I think people need to put it away. I felt like telling a woman I used to date to put it away lol but I did not. People can't live without phones this day and age it is sad...

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    • I know. I left my phone at home today. I feel like I needed to detach from it! I feel so free! :)

    • I mean people can have it on see who calls an all but like if your best friend text you about her latest haul at the mall etc it can wait a bit lol. Now if one of your parents call or a relative you answer because it can be an emergency lol

  • Texting during dinner especially if you don't see the person often is really rude. However maybe you could have handled it in a more mature way.

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  • "I took the phone from him and I told him STOP."

    What the f*ck? Are you his goddamn mother?

    It's okay for you to have a problem with it. It's okay for you to tell him, once. After that, you shut up and stop talking to him until he notices and asks you what's wrong. Then you tell him what's wrong.

    After that, he can decide to either apologize and stop doing it, or to not give a sh*t about your feelings and keep doing it anyway. In turn, you decide whether or not he's getting any p**** that night, or any night in the future.

    But you don't snatch the damn phone out of his hand. He's not a child.

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    • On Update #2: Sounds like you've got a real winner on your hands there.

      What a douchebag.

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    • I disagree. I think anyone who texts during dinner is a child...that's what my students do in high school. Some people need their phones thrown into a river to realize the proper etiquette of when and when not to use texting.

    • I do agree that texting durring dinner is a sign of immaturity, but it is not a girfriend's job to dicipline her boyfriend. Relationships are built on equal footing, and one partner cannot choose to dicipline the other. Yes, both of you may do immature things on occasion. But it is not your job, nor do you have the right, to MAKE him stop.

  • Texting during a date is idiotic. I mean seriously, I hate texting. People are too addicted to it.

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  • Well, yes it was inconsiderate of him to sit there and text, but you were decidedly out of line. You can't just take away his phone and tell him to stop being rude like he's your kid. As apposed to treating him as an equal and asking him to stop and maybe just walking away if he continued you tried to control him and force him to stop. By the sounds of his reaction this isn't the first time...

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  • not out of line at all I do the same at home I won't text duriong dinner unless its extremely urgent

    its not like the world will end if he doesn't reply

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  • I agree, I understand if it's school / work or something of that nature related but if it's something that can wait... I'd ask him/her to stop too.

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    • I don't see how hard that concept is to grasp. I normally don't mind but becasue he doesn't do it when we are spending time together but last night it made me so upset!

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    • I just re-read your question, Well... taking his phone away a bit dramatic.. I'd be pissed to since I'm now being treated like a kid. If you asked him and he didn't see the big deal.. I'd try a little more to let him know why it bothers you... rather than snatch his phone and putting him in time out. No guy wants that.

    • Well after someone telling you at least 4 times. ( ieven went to the bathroom hoping he would he get the hint) I thought I would be more literal with my approach. I can see how it would be treating a MAN as a CHILD but then he should behave as a MAN.

  • Your anger (or at least presentation of it) was probably a tad high. But you are 100% justified in becoming upset over him texting on a dinner date.

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  • I think you were both having a bad day. It should not have escalated like that. He shouldn't have been so cold to you, and you shouldn't have lost your temper like that.

    Going forward, let things cool for a couple of days. Then give him a call if he doesn't do so first.

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    • I know I should have just kept it cool. :(

    • Everybody have bad days and every couple fights. He should be just as sorry of not more. You shouldn't blame yourself.

  • Yes he's being rude and immature.

    But also what you call "telling him NICELY" is actually belittling and talking to him like a child. No adult will ever respond well to that kind of treatment. If a girl talked to me like that on a date I'd for sure wouldn't be seeing her again after that.

    It seems like you're both assuming mother and son roles and not mature adult partner roles... That's a very bad issue and I hope you'll both be able to recognize that a try to work past it.

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  • He is upset because he wanted alone time with both of you. He just wanted to cherish every second as both of you guys haven't seen each other for a few days. It may come across as 'not participating' in his eyes.

    I honestly don't see anything wrong with it, but each guy is different.

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    • Um... what? In what way does ignoring her and texting through the entire date translate into wanting alone time with her? This makes no sense whatsoever.

  • I don't think it's a huge deal, but it is rude.

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  • You're boyfriends behavior was rude at the restaurant. That I will agree with. However, how you chose to respond to the behavior afterward was rude on your part.

    I think both you need to apologize to each other and show how much you care about each other. Regardless, I hope this works out between the two of you. :)

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    • Thank you... I want to apologize but I feel like I look like an idiot for behaving that way.

  • He instigated, you escalated. You are both at fault.

    Now kiss and make up.

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    • I tried apologizing after I posted the question and got some feed back. That was in the morning. He didn't call or reply to my apology until 11pm, last night all he said was "love you" I called him and he was short with words so I got off the phone he said ill just see you around. wth? I'm super sad that I know there's an underlying reason or person as to why he doesn't even want to see me anymore or talk to me.

  • In all honesty, telling a man to put away his phone and not text is very out of line, even if you haven't seen him in a while. Why? Because its as if your his mom ordering him around. No one likes being told something like that. If your upset that he isn't talking to you enough, its fine to bring that up, but to tell him to put his phone away is not. Honestly though, this is a symptom of bigger problems going on. If he's not talking to you and not really interested in what's going on with you, then there's probably some resentment for you for some reason.

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    • yeah okay puffy eyebrows, like you know anything about how to treat a lady and be respectful. It's just plain rude, even if it was visa versa texting during a meal is irritating and disrespectful- didn't you ever eat your dinner around the table with your family as a child?

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    • see.. told you.

    • Just because someone doesn't like to be told something does not mean he or she should not be told.

  • NO..TOTALLY on your side...(:

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    • EH? How did we all agree? O:O

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    • Thank you! I greatly appreciate that! I will make the rest of my weekend an amazing time :) I'm going to take my baby out for a shopping spree lol or just get out of town and visit family near the beach...I hope you have a great weekend too! Have a green beer for me! :)

    • LOL! Great! Really hope you have an excellent time..and I wil have red wine, vodka and maybe green beer as well! <3<3<3=D

  • Yes he was rude, but instead of taking the phone from him I would've just walked away. Then when he crawls up to you asking what's wrong you can tell him to stop texting or he eats alone and pays for two.

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    • Okay let me explain. After I told him it was rude he didn't put it away. he pulled it out again after I had already told him. Then I got up and went to the restroom irritated hoping he would get the hint I came back and he was still on the damn phone. :(

    • Don't go to the restroom next time, just leave.

  • That's what you get for choosing a loser.

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  • well you kinda made the situation by taking his phone, only mothers and teachers do that

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  • i think you were. you crossed some boundaries and didn't seem remorseful over doing so

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What Girls Said 22

  • You're NOT out of line.. Texting during dinner or any outing while with your special someone is very disrespectful. It's like a silent way of saying, "I'm more concerned about other things than you at the moment, check back later." It's just mean. You're with someone to SPEND QUALITY TIME with them.

    When I was dating my ex, I never used my phone, unless it was really important. But the thing is, when texting, nothing's ever important.. Or they'd just call..

    He's really being an ass. If I were you, I'd try to find a more respectable man, but it's up to you! Communication is key. (Not by texting though..)

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  • No you were perfectly in line. He was being rude and if it had been days since you spent time together then he absolutely should have been paying attention to you NOT his cell phone. Then he gets upset with you...umm not! He was in the wrong and its sad he could not admit that and be a man about it. All he had to say was oh sorry babe my bad, or your right babe and put his phone away during dinner. Not really that hard to do unless he is texting another woman...then I can see him making that big of a deal about it. I would be asking questions at this point and wondering why did he make such a big deal about it and why did he speak to you that way in the car...no man is going to speak to me in that manner...ever! I would have dumped his butt right then! Good luck girl...but I say you were not out of line, he was and he owes YOU and apology!

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    • Thanks I feel the same way you do. I decided to be the bigger person and apologize. My pride was killing me but I did. I texted and called with no answers. When I finally got a hold of him at 11pm he was cold and short on words then I hung up the phone and he said ill just see you around now I'm thinking why is he holding onto this and making it bigger than it should be? I'm thinkin ghteres somone else.

  • Well, texting while you and him are trying to have dinner is wrong. But, you handled it wrong.

    The first thing when you asked him if he could put the phone away, was fine. I would have done that too. However, when he kept doing it, you should have just gotten quiet...and not said a word. And, if you wanted, you could have taken your phone out and texted or started playing a game on it. To show him how it feels.

    Silence is deadly. Have you ever heard that saying? HAHA...It really is. Guys freak because we aren't saying a word...when we should be. He would have most likely realized what he did wrong..after you gave him a few hours of silence to think about it. And, he would most likely never do it again.

    It will blow over. It always does. And...you are pregnant? Congrats :)

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    • Yes I am preggo. Well I called to apologize and even texted with no answer. He didn't answer me until 11pm and he was quiet. Didn't talk much. he said he doesn't want to see me for a few days.

    • just give him time. he will come back around.

  • If a guy/girl is texting during a date/meeting, is showing that whatever conversation he/she is having on the phone to him/her is more important than spending time with you.

    (He didn't talk to me, grabbed his phone again) No lady deserves a guy like that.

    Do you know or wonder why his day was so off in the first place and descided to text over spending time with you.

    It sounds like he didn't really care about the dinner with you. There mustve been someone more important to him than you that he was textin on his phone.

    (He shrugged his shoulder/ He didn't even talk to me, grabbed his phone again) I don't know the guy, maybe he gets business calls/text. Or maybe it was his friends texting him to say hello and haven't talked in days either.

    Who knows, maybe in those days that he was gone, he prob. met another girl or something.

    But that's only my opinions, don't raise assumptions, until you're really sure.

    Good Luck with your relationship.

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  • Why are you putting up with this? This guy DOES NOT care about you! WOW. Dump his ass and move on. Save the rest of the time you do have and spend it on someone that's actually worth wasting it on.

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    • Easier said than done. I agree with you too but all I can do is hold my head up and just be independent. learn to deal with the fact that it looks like I will be a single mom soon.

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    • That's a great way to look at it. I wish you the best of luck as a new mom! :)

    • Thank you so much! :)

  • This dude sounds so disinterested in you. I'm really sorry to say it but he doesn't sound like he's all that crazy about being with you and apparently seeing you for that matter. The fact that He hardly spoke to you and was texting the whole time would show a clear indication to me that he is talking to someone else he seems to find more interesting than you. And I DOUBT it was some of his boys. I've never seen guys text each other back to back for 30-40min straight. That's just...weird. You need to read between the lines. And the fact that he didn't want to talk about the whole issue is another indicator that he doesn't really care.

    His actions and his words are clearly screaming out to you that he really doesn't give a f*ck. It's about time you catch on...

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    • I guess you could be right. But when I grabbed the phone I saw the name of the person texting and it was a male. But I do agree that there must be an undelying issue another person or another reason as to why he was being that way,.

  • Wow he should not be using that language with you. Either way, I don't think you were out of line. You gave him the warning, he ignored it. I do this with my FRIENDS all the time, never mind significant others. Texting at the table is just downright rude. You can wait until the meal is over.

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  • Texting is rude in general, especially if you are with someone and they don't know what the convo is about. I wouldn't do it to someone unless I was telling them about what I was talking about to the other person. Its plain rude,but you shouldn't have grabbed the phone from him, that is just contributing to the already negative situation. Next time, just act like it doesn't bother and he probably won't do it anymore.

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  • Texting during dinner is rude.

    Taking his phone was a little extreme, but he was rude as hell for texting even after you let him know it bothers you

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    • Phone snatching. Extreme. Yes. But after telling your boyfriend at least 4 x's wouldn't you have done the same?

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    • :O! there's a child involved with this?what the hell! you need to have a serious talk with him. he needs to grow the hell up. I can't believe he's a father to be and he's acting like that!

    • Yes I'm pregnant...which make this all more confusing. We have doing great he has been so happy about the pregnancy for him to just say ill see you around and not bother even trying to text me back or show any type of remorse. Its hard.

  • yes texting during dinner is rude, but if you didn't cared in the past, I think that you should have waited until the end of the night to have a talk and to set up the new rule of not texting during dinner. The way you approached the situation in my eyes is wrong specially because you started an argument in public and due to this the whole night was a disaster. If you would of control your emotions and waited, the night would have been better.

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  • i don't think that was out of line. you asked him nicely and he should have been focusing on you! dnt let anyone make you feel guilty esp not him. he owes you an apology..he's responsible for the situation escalating because he continued to do something persistently that he knew you didn't like. sorry, but he was acting like an a**hole nd you called him out on it. no shame ;)

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  • Your reaction probably didn't help the situation- taking his phone away was a little too mom-like, and I would have been furious if someone did that to me. However, it was definitely rude of him to text so much during your date, especially when you hadn't seen each other in a while. You were justified in asking him to stop at first and he should have listened. I would have been very angry that he didn't listen as well, but I probably would have walked away.

    It sounds like he is still mad about what happened. I would suggest giving him some time to cool off, and letting him make the next move. You already apologized, and he can't expect anything more of you. He needs to take responsibility for his part of what happened and apologize as well.

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  • I do this with everyone I go out with. NO TEXTING! Hubby knows better and so do I. An occasional text is OK but if we're spending time together it is rude. I will agree that you let anger and hurt get the best of you but he was wrong. There's something missing here. Maybe he's stressed or something. Call to make amends keeping in mind that he was in the wrong just call to check on him and offer to listen if something is bothering him.

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  • Absolutely no texting during dinner. Rude, rude, rude.

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  • Is this the father of your child? or just your boyfriend?

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    • He's the father of my baby on the way. All of this is making me even more emotional. If I wASnt pregnant I would know what to do. But with the baby in the mix it makes it hard. But I know I'm not going to reach out to him. I've said my peace.

    • That is a totally sh*tty situation, I feel for you :(

  • I don't think it's your fault it's more so his IMO because you'd shouldn't have to ask him to putti away in the first place

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  • I get why you were pissed , and I also feel like you kinda don't like what you did .

    Sometimes we just make big deals out of little stuff but are feeling mad about something different entirely , like we direct our frustration into stuff like this.

    See if that's it .

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  • He was out of line. You don't text on a date. I don't let my boyfriend text when we're together ha ha maybe that's a bit much but really. You had every right to be angry.

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  • Oh em gee I fell your pain. I do find it kinds rude especial if your suppose to be spending time with family.lol...

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  • Peaople tex tO much and it's beganing to me very ennoying.

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  • He was being disrespectful and rude

    He should have given you his undivided attention

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  • Nope I'm on your side a dude did that to me once I was freaken mad

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