Am I a horrible person and I badly need relationship advice?

I've been with my guy for 2 years so far and we've gotten to the point that we really don't talk anymore so I started talking more to my friends.Well recently my boyfriend has been smoking a lot of weed like consistantly high all the time and he knows I don't like it and I've been clean for almost 3 years now. It got to the point I told him either the weed or me because it basically runs his life now but I can't leave every time I try its either oh he doesn't deserve this or he's to sweet I can't leave him and I start remembering all the times I saw how his family did him wrong and I really don't want to hurt him.But as I said I started talking a lot to my friends and I feel horrible because 2 of my friends made a pass at me but I blew it off like they were just joking. I try talking to him but I'm getting no where.. It's starting to keep me up at night, I can barely eat because I feel horrible at what I'm doing and I'm not even cheating I've done nothing wrong why do I feel so horrible I don't want to leave but I don't want to stay I'm slowly going crazy because of this I need advice please help?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • So first of all if you both can't communicate with each other then it is never gonna work.So that is the first thing you need to fix.If he won't or doesn't want to discuss it with you to me that means he doesn't care or love you as much as you love him.You are not doing anything wrong and it is perfectly normal to care about his well being if you love him.If he really loves you he will at least talk to you about this and he should want to change or get help if he needs it.Maybe you feel bad because he is saying stuff to make you feel bad about you asking him to choose the drugs or you,but if he loves you he should respect you enough to understand why you are asking.Also you probably feel bad because he is treating you like dirt right now and since you really care for him it is hurting you badly due to the fact you care so much and he just doesn't seem to at all.You might feel guilty because of the way your friends came on to you and you might feel like it is your fault that they did.But if you just went to them to talk about your guy then you did nothing wrong,your friends just got the wrong impression or they are not as good of friends as you though and they saw you were vulnerable and tried to take advantage of it.You might want to think twice about being friends with these guys.I would never put my friend in that position,but I would comfort her with hugs at the most,maybe they just thought you wanted something with them.It can be hard for a guy to be a friend to a girl he likes her.If he doesn't want to change you can't make him,but you can't be with him and watch him destory his life either its not fair to you.You can't stay with him just so you don't hurt him and he should respect how you feel no matter what if he loves you.You can't be with him if he doesn't respect and care enough to talk to you about anything at all.You need to tell him that he needs to talk to you about this and reach some kind of solution if he even cares at all or you will have to leave him.Tell him that his weed usage is not just affecting him and it is destroying your life and not only his.What is making him use drugs so much it sounds like he has so kinda issue.A relationship is based on mutual needs and wants so right now he is being very selfish and you are trying to do whatever you can to fix it.You have to be prepared to leave, he is doing this to himself and if he won't talk to you and won't see he is hurting you and want to change.

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What Guys Said 1

  • That does sound really sad. And I don't think you are a bad person as you are not acting selfish. I would suggest talking about it with him and saying how serious it is for you, but without threatening. In my book, asking someone to give up drugs to save a relationship is not too much to ask though.

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What Girls Said 1

  • You sound like the type of person to put all others you care about before you. This can be a great quality but if you never recharge your battery, put yourself first for a bit, you'll run out of steam. I've been in your shoes. I dated my first boyfriend for 4 years. He had a big drinking problem and I just couldn't deal anymore. As much as I felt it would destroy the bost of us, I had to end it. It was the second hardest thing I've ever had to do. The first hardest was to break up with my second serious relationship, of 3 years . . . Same pattern too. I guess the bottom line is, things aren't right the way they are and if he isn't motivated to make some positive changes in his life then he's bringing his own self down and you with him. It's not your fault he's making these decisions and you can't change his course. Only he can do that, and only for himself. So things could continue the way they are, but it sounds like you're on a slippery slope and the situation will continue to gradually get worse. The longer you wait the harder it is. Sometimes it takes one person leaving, for the other person to truly see the light. If you aren't happy, get out. It's going to be painful, but in the long run less painful than staying. Don't feel like you are letting him down, you aren't. You're giving him an opportunity to right himself, which he doesn't seem to want to do, with you there by his side. He'll ride this train as long as you allow it.

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