How do I move on when I know what's most likely going to happen?

when I was in 9th grade I had a crush on this guy who turned out to be misery for my life...I put him into a category, moved on, and got into another relationship when I was 19 with the neighbor boy in my new neighborhood. I don't think I saw any potential in it but I went along with it anyways because the last guy, I thought, was going to be great and he was not maybe this guy seems like he is nothing but he's really great...turns out he was, and too great for me...or maybe I feel that way because he dumped me rather than me dumping him. anyways there is always going to be something that you do not like about someone, for him I did not like the fact that when he was talking to his friends and when he was talking to his parents his whole persona would change...and I really can't stand the missuse of grammer.I know I'm not perfect, but I don't intentionally go out to make an ass of myself.

Anyways..i did the whole dating 4 guys at one time...one was really old, he was nice though..he was from england, he liked grateful dead and he sold grinders...he has two cats, he got me drunk and smoked me out, but he was in his mid 30's and I don't know is there not some other younger single guy who wants to go have fun? I went on a date with a younger guy, which was the better of the dates that I went on because we actually did something other than the old movie popcorn thing...i went on a few other dates but either by the end of the night the guy was sticking his tongue down my throat or I was uninterested.

so I kind of floated around..I went to parties and hung out...and watched as my friends ate each others faces and you get the idea...I get involved with some a**hole who I thought might fall for it because he is a dirty smelly squatter f***ing d*** head. He had his girl toy come beat me up...he threw me down a hill blah blah he was very mean to me.

I know what's going to happen next...I'll go for the guy who is interested, maybe it will go somewhere, when it does not only than will I be ready to date. Except I'm tired of dating! and I don't want to end up alone...

Updates:
*don't get the impression that I don't like men. I'm tired of people calling me a lesbian because either on my part or his part the relationship did not work out. I'm not the prettiest of people. I can understand how someone who may feel as if they are better looking would not neccesarily feel as if they should settle for me...and at the same time if love is NOT bout looks and plenty of guys have looked the other way because I WAS looking, than WHY do I usually get chosen last based upon it?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • " ... turns out he was ... too great for me...or maybe I feel that way because he dumped me..."

    No. No. No! Things happen and people break up. Sometimes neither of them is "at fault". And even when one is responsible for the break up, it does not mean anything about who is "great" or not. You sound pretty great and should not belittle yourself.

    You mentioned dating an older guy. It bothered me that you said he was "really old", in his mid-30's. Oh, come on! That is not old! Yes, he was older than you, but not old, and definitely not really old. What you should have considered about him long before any thoughts of age, was that he was nice to you. I expect that means he treated you with respect, showed you that he cared about you, and you must have had fun with him. While you were with him you enjoyed life, did things you enjoyed, did not get beat up by someone's old girlfriend, etc. So what if he was older. Being with him made life enjoyable. You would have eventually found someone else that you became more interested in, or you would have not found someone else but continued with him. As you get older, the ten to fifteen year difference would really not matter that much, and you would have a lifetime of happy memories, not wondering what comes next.

    Moving on from the age thing, you are too worried about looks. I know that it is easy to get that way, and I will admit that looks do play a significant part in initial attraction, and even some degree in keeping someone. BUT, in living your life and not worrying about finding someone, people will notice you and be attracted for who you are. It may seem like you are getting passed over a lot, but some people are going to enjoy you for just being you. And one of them is going to fall for you. If you fall for him, there you go. If not, keep on enjoying life and another will come along. As people get older, there is less push to do the "in" things with the "beautiful people". People begin to settle down and look at what is inside people. It is then that even more opportunities will present themselves.

    By the way, I think you look fine. Back in my day, I would have been happy to be dating you based on looks, and from what you seem to be here, also on what is inside you. Be proud of yourself and stop focusing on any negative things.

    Good luck!

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    • I have tried to tell her she looks fine :).Even hot to some I am sure.But I am an old guy 31 LOL.

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    • behavior is exactly like that of an alcoholic,but she won't listen.She knows so much at 19 years old.I tell her that she is slurring and she is drunk and she doesn't need to drink any more.She won't listen.She says I am not drunk.I know what I am doing.I have been drinking along time.I just think to myself if you could only see yourself and if you really knew what you are like you would see you are exactly like an alcoholic and if you change now you can avoid a lot of bad things that will happen to

    • you if you keep drinking the way you are.I really don't want to see her hurt herself,but nothing I say gets though to her.And because I do some thngs too sometimes she uses that against me,oh well you do this so you can't talk.I have had a job most my life and I don't get wasted.I handle what I do and most people wouldn't even know that I have taken anything.

What Guys Said 3

  • Dont assume that your next guy will be bad and it will end up badly,even if it probably will,maintain a positive outlook.Give every new guy a clean slate until they prove they are bad or wrong for you.When you find out a guy is wrong for you leave him as soon as you know,dont stay with him because you don't want to be alone.And DONT ever put yourself down and say oh he was too good for me just because a relationship did not workout with that person,I have told you this before and I see others are saying the same thing.It is true you are just as good as them and probably even better.You have to believe you are because you are.You are beautiful and I really think so.Not everyone is gonna think so and maybe you are not the most beautiful person in the world,but any girl I was in love with would be the most beautiful person in the world to me.Thats all that matters.I would turn down any girl that wanted to try to seduce me if I was in love with someone,i don't care how hot they were.I don't care if they were some famous celebretiy,like for example Milla Jovovich,i think she is hot.But if I was with a girl I wouldn't sleep with Milla and I realize this is unrealistic but hypothetically speaking if it could happed.Its just not gonna happen with me,if I am taken they can't have me.I am extremely loyal though,but I am not the only one.My personal opinion on finding someone that you can love completely is when you find the person that you think you could give yourself too completely.Take things slow.You can and guys can go without sex,trust me I know it can be done,i have done it and if I wanted I probably could of had girls all the time.So you might have to masturbate.So what, by masturbating you learn a lot about your body and what gets you off,so when you meet someone you can teach them how to get you off better or the best they can.In a serious relationship your partner should be your best friend in life and all you have to do is treat them like that.You should want to do everything together.You should be able to talk about everything together.Get to know each other as friends and if they can't be your friend or don't want to.If they don't care enough to want to be your friend.They are not worth your time and get rid of them.How are they gonna love you? Don't even bring sex into the equation.And all you have to do is have fun and spend time with each other.That is how you build a strong serious relationship,it may take time it doesn't happen over night.Most people want everything to happen right now,have sex right now,and want to know right now.You must have patience grasshopper :).If you approach dating like your partner is your best friend, yea you might be alone,but you would also weed out all the losers and a**holes right from the begining and might it be worth being alone if you never got hurt in the first place?

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  • This is the reality of dating you are gonna meet a lot of people that are wrong for you,treat you badly,and ones you are gonna lose interest in or not like at all.That is why you date to find someone that is right for you, if it was as simple as picking any guy you run in to that you might like.Then almost anybody would be right for you and it wouldn't eliminate anyone really.It wouldn't be special.But you actually want to find something real and something with subsistence.People do choose mates based on looks.Even people that are not considered shallow,because we want the person we are with to be attractive and appealing to us.A 600 lb. person is just not attractive to most people,if not all.Thats the problem and not just with you with a lot of girls.You already know what is gonna happen,but do you?No you can't say forsure.Take it as it comes.Dont plan on it being bad.If you do then it will most likely turn out bad.These guys that are "settling" for you and choosing you last,they are shallow and in reality though maybe you are being shallow and eliminating people for thier looks that might be more likely to like you for who you are and love you exactly like you want.Maybe you are expecting a knight in shinning armour and in reality it is not always like that.If you love someone you are not settling for anything no matter how they look.They are exactly how you want them to be.I don't date for a couple reasons,there has been very few like one person I could actually say yea I could see myself with them or even just getting to know them better.I based this on there personality and the things we had in common and the fact we were pretty good friends for a while first.I don't like most girls enough to risk getting rejected by them,i won't go after a girl just because so looks cute,she has to be cool.I have been rejected quite a few times,but probably not as much as some.I know I could probably screw just about any girl I wanted to and pretty much girls of any age(preferably 21+),since I look very young.Most girls I find attractive,but they just don't do the things I like and have the personality I like.I generally don't like stereo typical people, they are clones,sheep,and all the same.I like unique people that don't follow the trends,dont really care too much about what other people think about them and being popular.To me some popular people seem fake a lot of times.I have never had someone or needed someone to be there to make me feel good about myself.I have always wanted someone to shared my life with,but since I don't go with the trends and never met someone I like I haven't had that yet.Where I lived and grewup I was never really considered cool.Just recently people are starting to become more like I like,but all through high school I was pretty much an outcast,i didn't listen to rap music and wear baggy pants or talk like an ignorant idiot so I wasn't cool to most people.I listened to punk rock and death metal which was wierd.

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    • Until recently in my town it was just not cool.But I am glad times are finally changing for the better.

      You need to be happy and confident with yourself the way you are.Happy with being single and just going out and having fun with friends.Happy with your career and life.Then you will be able to move on.Your have to forgive yourself and others for what has happened to you.Chances are if they treated you badly they aren't happy themsevles.Sometimes all this take along time,but once it happens you

    • will feel much better.

  • Perhaps you don't like men. It doesn't sound like you do.

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What Girls Said 6

  • I know what you mean about being fed up with guys, I have been having the same thing with guys treating me like trash and trashy guys being drawn to me like some magnet, always negative, always looking to me to fix their sorry life when only they can do that for themselves because well... I just always seem to know what to do when things come along, I do pretty well for myself in making decisions. Of course I've had my flings as well with guys who never cared about me and just wants to throw my underwear off in bed lol but I just don't really pressure myself to life someone no more. It isn't really going to happen if you force it, getting to know someone, gaining trust and feelings has to happen naturally and without pressure form someone. If a guy starts pressuring you into liking him then that;s a definate cue to keep him in the friend zone (although they never actually stay my friend ether because they hound me too much and because I'm a nice girl they tried that hard to keep me talking to them that they end up pushing me away). It's the same when I used to try too hard, although I still get friend zoned unfortunatly lol people think they can gain your trust in like a month though lol not even gonna happen. I'm taking a brake, I'm keeping my options open still though but I think you should take a brake too, just enjoy time with friends and with yourself, I'm sure you can make yourself more happy than a guy can right now. Also never ever think someone is too good for you because if you think that about everyone you will never feel or be equal, were all just human beings with the ultimate goal to be happy with ourselves and our life so non of us are any better than other people.

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  • Try to think of your dating life in perspective. You got regected by a crush, you got dumped, and then you went on a few dates. This is the dating life of pretty much every person on the planet, male or female. EVERYONE gets regected at least once and has lots of dead-beat dates that go nowhere. I'm not telling you this to make you get over it. Actually, I'm telling you this because it's a good thing. You are just like everyone else. You are PERFECTLY capable of having a wonderful, meaningful relationship, just like everyone else. Don't take regection or failed dates to heart. This doesn't mean that you aren't capable of these relationships or that men suck; it means that you haven't found the right person yet. So keep trying! You will be happy if you allow yourself to be. Don't think of every date you go on as shopping for a new true love, but think of them as fun experiences to spend time with someone who's company you enjoy. If you look for love, you probably won't find it. Let it find you! But this means that you have to beleive it exists. Remember, you are beautiful, smart and interesting. There are tons of guys who want to date you, and even though most of them won't work out, you can have fun. And eventually, you will find someone who's right for you!

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    • this is where it gets awkward! granted he was a crush, but he used it to his advantage..so technically he was not my crush he was my boyfriend..but not really my boyfriend as he was using me. I did not realize that until later on.

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    • thats what I'm saying... I tried to! and he told the girl that had had a crush on him, who than came at me from the side...i was not even looking when she clocked me in the side of the head! not to mention he was controlling and abusive and I had reason to leave...

    • Well it's a good thing you got out, then. Try to spend time with people who treat you right, because that's what you deserve. You're too good to hang out with guys like him!

  • How about NOT dating for awhile. Believe it or not, you CAN survive without a guy in your life. Take a break.

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  • i wish I could give you a good answer, but I'm in a bad predicament too. none of the guys I'm interested in like me back, and all the guys that ask me out end up making out with me, and I lose interest pretty quickly after that. I think I have a chance of dating a guy I like but I find out I'm wrong every single time. it's like the time I spend with them is nothing compared to the things they have with other girls. I'm sorry about the rant, not trying to whine. it gets so frustrating sometimes so I know exactly how you feel. the best thing I can think of to help us both is to give up on men completely and focus on other things, and wait for the right one to fall from the sky.

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  • Sounds to me like you're too stuck on having someone rather than enjoying your own company. I just got out of a relationship about a month ago. I am seeing this as an opportunity to focus on myself and enjoy being single. Focus on your self and your life right now. Where are you headed professionally wise? Are you in school? What are your goals for the future, what are you doing now so that you can reach them? Those are the types of questions you should be asking your self.

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  • i see. you need to take a break for a few months

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    • its been a few years

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    • is worst then yours in a way.I have never had relationships,but I do understand how they should work and what they should consist of.The very few people that I wanted a relationship with always liked other people and only liked me as friends LOL :(. I always got rejected after sex that I didn't initiate,maybe I am just bad at it.It would be logical answer but not the only one and I really don't think it was the case.I am not completely ugly,i hate people that are too ful of themselves,i am humble

    • and modest.I am also confident and I need to show it because I never used to in the past.I still am dealing with a lot of things,but I am now moving forward and not just feeling hopeless & sad.I am doing what I can to change it :)

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