How do I tell him about my past?

Before I met my husband I lived a very dark life. I was with a guy for 2 years and he cheated on me and did things that you couldn’t even imagine. I finally decided that I had to get out of that horrible relationship. So I left him. He harassed me and did everything her could to hurt me.

I ended up getting my own place and finally felt like I was free. After living on my own for a few months...the place that I worked for had to let me go. After a month with no luck of finding a new job I did the unthinkable. I was at a bar and I met an older guy. You could tell he had money and he bought me drinks and asked me if I wanted to go home with him...so I did...He lived in an amazing house and I ended up staying the night. The next morning I got up to leave and I saw an envelope with my name on it. I opened it had $2000 in it (NO LIE). I was shocked. He came in and told me that he wanted to help me with my financial issues...but I had to basically have sex with him and be his eye candy.

Long story short, I ended up being his girl (aka his eye candy) for monthly pay. I was so use to being treated by my ex that It was nice having a guy buy me things and take me out to some of the nicest restaurants in town! I started doing drugs with him and I was hooked...I am 5'9 and I got down to 98 pounds. I was dying...After a short time he started changing. He started hitting me and getting aggressive and when we had sex he would do things that I can’t even talk about.

I had lost all respect for myself and I hated myself. I kept this life a secret from friends and family. I finally saw a counselor for help.

6 months later, A girl at work set me up with this guy...and we ended up hitting it off! He didn’t have money or anything. He was just out of the police academy...and I was crazy about him. We dated for a few years and just got married in Jan...and...I am 30 weeks pregnant! He is the best guy in the world and I honestly don't deserve him. I have never told him about the crap that I did in my life...and he told me the other day that he feels like I have a side of me that he doesn't know and it hurts him. Sometimes I just start crying when we have sex because of horrible memories from my past...I can tell that it frustrates him because he thinks he has done something wrong. I beat myself up and I shut down and I never let him in...

I need advice...do I tell him about my past? I just can't live feeling like this. I don't want his feelings to change about me. I am not the same girl. I have a past…I can’t change that…I can only control my future.

I don't need anyone leaving me rude, judgmental comments. I know what I did was wrong.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • sit him down and tell him. Guys aren't very judgmental about women they love. If they find out she had a really rough life, it tends to make her appear vulnerable and that will make him love you and want to protect you even more than he does now. You should definitely tell him, especialy since its hurting him that he doesn't know about your past. If you don't tell him, the worst would happen, which is, he would eventually find out in 20 years and I can't imagine the pain of finding out my wife was hiding something like that from me for so long. For a marriage to have a remote chance of working, both partners have to be totally honest with each other. the minute you start hiding something, things go off track. the truth will set you free.

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What Guys Said 2

  • Yes, you should have told him of the past. There might be a problem now due to being married and the kid. One portion would be less said quickly mend. In other words, say nothing.

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  • Yes you must absolutely tell him! If he truly loves you (it sounds like he does ) he will understand and want to be there for you and help you through it. And you will feel sooooo. Much better too and the two of you can move on in life happy...:)

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What Girls Said 1

  • You should tell him about the abuse and what happened but leave the sugar girl aspect of it out of the picture. In a way I think he already knows that you have been through abuse so this will not be new to him.

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