Am I the bad guy in this situation?

I didn't hear from my boyfriend at all yesterday. No phone calls, text message, and he didn't even get on his laptop. I was worried sick that something might have happened to him. I was up all night worrying until he called me on his way to work this morning since I asked him to. He said he took a "no talk" day yesterday. I can understand that because I do that too. But I at least let him know I'm taking a day like that. I just think it would have been nice for a quick text saying he didn't want to talk and I would have understood. He thinks I would've gotten mad. He knows how my mind works and that when I worry about something I always think of the worst possible outcome. He said I need to be able to function without him which I can do. He says we don't need to talk every day. I'm not asking for a conversation every day but a quick text saying he is alive doesn't seem like much. Is that too much to ask? I don't understand how he thinks it is OK for him to disappear randomly. Is that a guy thing? Am I wrong for caring and worrying about him? I feel like the bad guy right now.

Him taking a no talk day and disappearing isn't like him. He has disappeared twice before for a month and a half and then again for a month. That happened before we started dating.


Most Helpful Girl

  • You feel like the bad guy because that's what he wants. It's completely inconsiderate of your feelings to not tell you. And the excuse that you were gonna get mad? Did he not think you'd get mad when he went MIA for a day? Ask yourself 2 questions: first--would you do this to him and do you deserve the same treatment, and second--- how would he react if it was the other way around?

    At the end of the day do the same thing to him if he decides he won't stop, but then again, why would you want to be with someone who is so inconsiderate?

    • i have taken days where I want to be left alone but I at least let him know so he doesn't worry about me. I asked him if he would worry if I just disappeared and didn't tell him and he said he would be curious about where I was and if something bad happened I would tell him. I've gotten mad before when I try to talk with him and he is just giving one word answers and doesn't make conversation. if he would tell me he didn't want to talk I wouldn't get mad. not once has he ever told me he didn't..

    • want to talk.


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What Guys Said 2

  • You aren't the bad guy imo. Like you said, you were worried something might have happened to him, for all you knew he could have been in the morgue for 18hours. I think that was a little selfish of him really.

    At least I know I would not do that whatsoever, in fact what's the point in having a 'none talking day' let alone outright ignoring day.

  • i mean I think that's kind of ridiculous. its one day! why would no texting for ONE DAY mean (or even hint!) that something bad happened to him?

    • because it's not like him to not even send one text to me. it's more of the fact that he didn't show up online that made me worry the most. even if he sends one text he is still online so I know what he is home and safe.

What Girls Said 1

  • I understand the need for some time away, but you are right, he could have just told you, "hey, I'm taking the day for myself." Don't contact him at all tomorrow, even if he texts you, see how he likes it, since he seems to think it's 'not a big deal'. However, for your own sake, you shouldn't worry so much. Typically, if we're talking about a 24 hour period, no news is good news. If something bad had happened, you surely would have been notified.

    • i just don't want anything to happen to him. it's not like him to just disappear like that.