How to Heal?

I'm just coming out of a relationship, in which I was head-over-heals in love for the first time in a long life. I need advice on how to get over it.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • If you feel like crying, then cry. If you feel like screaming, then scream.

    1. Enjoy being single.

    2. Make a list of everything that was wrong with her. The love of your life is not perfect

    3. Erase all of her contact information

    4. Don't be available for her calls. Most women only call because they want something.

    5. Stay off of myspace, facebook etc. Don't check that stuff and don't change your page drastically. It will only cause her to contact you.

    6. You don't want contact with your X while you are trying to get over her. You will end up in bed with her and regret it later because it will never be the way it was.

    7. Find some new places to hang out. Don't go to the places that you and your X used to go. It will only cause you to hone in on the past. Find some new places with some new people.

    8. It's time to get a new haircut, or hair color and some new duds. LOL. Times are tough, try some consignment stores or something. Or trade with one of your guy friends. The idea is to have something new that you can say. "I never wore this with my X" It may sound a little crazy, but sometimes that's all you can hold on to, to maintain you sanity and strength.

    Dude, you're in Florida and there are lots' of beautiful women in Florida. Try dating some new women. And find someone the opposite of your X. You don't want to date the same type of woman because you will keep comparing them to your X. If she was a blonde, then date a red-head. If she had long hair, date a woman with short hair. It's shock therapy for the heart! KRL

    Hope this helps you move on! There are tons of guys out there and I'm sure you're a great girl. Have confidence in yourself and be strong! KRL

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    • Sorry about the great girl part... LOL what I meant to say is that there are tons of girls out there and I'm sure you will find a great girl! LOL I think I was working too hard this week!

    • This helped me out ALOT TY. XD

What Girls Said 7

  • I think one of the best thingsyou can do is to take a bit of a hiatus. Do things that make you happy and do things for yourself. Watch movies with the girls or on your own. Take this time to remember all the things you love to do and do them. One of the most empowering things is to creat a goal and to accomplish it on your own. You never truly know how strong you are until you accomplish something on your own. It reminds you that you can do anything.

    I think one of the best lines that sums this up is from a BIlly Joel song call Vienna

    "Slow down you crazy child, take the phone off the hook and disappear for a while. Its allright you can afford to lose a day or two."

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  • It takes about half the time you were in a relationship to fully heal.

    Like if you were in a relationship for 2 years, then it takes a year.

    Or 4years, then two years to heal.

    Other than that

    you should listen to music that calms you down and relaxes your thoughts

    You will think A LOT about this person, but try to move on by doing the fun things you did before you were with them

    You probably just need to go out and have fun.

    Get to know other people, there are many special people that could just end up even being just a friend

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  • wow. great and detailed answers here.

    I tried to heal in all the wrong ways and finally, with the help of friends and a guy who made it feel easy, began to write out my heartbreaking tales thinking they'd be funny and confirm all the evil things the exes did. but actually they showed me the things my heart needed to work on, the growing I had to do and also the good worthy person inside me... still a work in progress but writing helps, loving yourself helps, laughing helps.

    maybe my sad and funny and all true stories will... a tiny bit...

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  • Same here. Don't you feel so alone?

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  • You should go out and enjoy life, but take it one step at a time.

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    • Thanks, your so right. I was married once for 23 years, and thought I was in love, but I didn't know what love was until I met my ex 10 months ago. Kinda strange at my age. I'm white and she is a black woman like yourself. Ya never know what life will bring. I'm real active at our church (it used to be our church, now its mine, I guess). I'm one of only two white guys in a church of 300+, and people are great there. It's getting easier, a little at a time. Thanks again.

    • Your welcome, I hope everything works outs for you.

  • Wait. Time will heal anything.

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    • Very true. Wish I could fast-forward several months. As they say, "Time wounds all heals"....maybe that's what scares me.

    • You can do it, just hang in there, one day you'll wake up and realize that it has passed.

  • Give it a few months. Time heals all wounds! I promise you WILL get over it in time! Go out and have fun! Don't start dating again right away. You need some down time and free time to relax and get your head straight but you will meet someone when you least expect it.!

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What Guys Said 6

  • Figure out how she made you complete (how were you interdependent). Did she help solve your emotional issues? Did she provide you with support in your pursuits? Did you feel more masculine when you were around her? The answers to these (and other) questions are probably what you find addicting about her and why you feel withdrawal. This will help you determine what you're looking for in the next woman you date.

    Identify what made her undesireable. Did she never say what she mean? Consistently talk in riddles? Did she try to get you to talk about your feelings when you wanted solutions to problems? The more of these you can determine, the better. You may have idealized an image of her in your mind and placed her on a pedestal. It's important that you get that (unhelpful) bias out of your mind and realize she's just human.

    Finally, assess how much free time you have now and FILL THAT TIME. The idea is to use that extra time for productive or enjoyable activities that you finally have time for--building new furniture, joining a softball team, beginning a new hobby, etc. If you don't talk a pro-active approach to delegating your (now) extra free time, you'll have an abundance of time to mope.

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  • Best way to move on is to fill that void you feel when a relationship ends. Either by taking on new projects/hobbies or finding someone else. You don't need to rebound and start having sex just meet new people and spend time with them. Keep busy and over time things will get much better.

    Good luck!

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  • I wish I knew man. I'm going through the same thing and every night when I'm falling asleep I hope I don't wake up again.

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  • DISTRACT YOURSELF.

    wether its with friends, a new video game, working out. Anything, try to always be doing something and don't sit in the dark all alone cause thoughts will come crawling back into you.

    Sadly its going to be hard and you will feel like shit. It took me 8 months to get over an ex.gf, its gets "better" the more you deal with it.

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    • Thanks. Yeah, I think 8 months may be realistic in this case. I've had a lot of good advice, and I manage to keep busy most of the time. You'd think at my age it would get easier, but this time I'm trying to get beyond something truly special. Guess that's the rub. Thanks again.

  • Drink your sorrows away for a couple days, then don't think about her anymore, delete her number if you have to burn her pictures, and put all the things she gave you over the year in a box and don't open it. Anything that reminds you of her get rid of it or put it in the box. Then drink some more, hang out with your friends, hit the gym, meet new people and then find another girl. And very importantly DON'T TALK TO YOUR EX. Don't call her just forget her.

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  • The sad but true fact is that you may never get over it fully. The best thing you can do to get over a relationship is to look back and re-evaluate what went wrong and promise yourself that next time, and there will be a next time, you won't make the same mistakes. Besides that, I've found that picking up a new hobby to better yourself will help keep your mind off it and maybe even meet some new people in the process. When my ex dumped me I started going to the gym and now that I've seen positive results I feel 10 times better about myself. I recommend something like that, trust me it really helps. I feel for you...best of luck.

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