I've been on like 8 or 9 dates with this guy now. Every time we've gone out he always pays for everything. I think he ended up paying like at least $70 on me last time we went out. So, tonight we went out to eat, I insisted that I pay. I don't really have a lot of money though since I'm still in college, and he has a real job so he makes like substantially more than me. He said he would "let me pay this time"...do you think I should have let him pay or did I do the right thing?
Most Helpful Guy
First date rules:
Post first, second, and third wave feminism, we have learned that women are people too, that they are just as capable as men at working and earning a living, and they are no longer to be thought of as hungry prostitutes looking to leech off of the highest providing bidder. Therefore, as you would expect, men are still socially required to pay for the first date. Obviously, it's not as strait forward as that, because that would make most women feel guilty.
Instead, something more indirect - hence, easier to emotionally digest - is "whoever asks pays." That's fair right? I mean, it's not like 99% of the time, the man will be the one asking, and hence, that social rule might as well read: "the man pays, 99% of the time."
But, men are generally content with this tiny concession, because they typically expect that any inequality in financial contributions towards the relationship will be balanced in future dates (she'll pay there, I'll pay here, she'll balance it out, etc.)
Will a guy be offended if you don't let him pay? No. If he is, run. He's a loser, he has problems. Will he take it the wrong way? Only if it's the first date. Here are the typical first date mechanics when the bill comes:
1. Server gives the bill to the man
2. The man reaches for his money
3. The woman pretends to offer to pay, even though she is just waiting for the guy to insist on paying for her, so, she's not really offering
Now, if the man is a moron (socially), he'll take the girl up on her offer, in which case the girl will feel furious about being called out on her bluff, and will have to pretend to have been completely honest in making her offer to pay in good faith, and when reconciling what just happened, she'll just label the guy as cheap. If the man is socially aware, he'll insist on paying, and after a very short-lived "are you sure?" from the woman, he'll end up paying.
Now, if the girl insists on paying, only when we're talking about the first date, the guy will reasonably take it the wrong way. He'll think she's just not interested in him. She's a good girl, he'll think, and she doesn't want to take advantage of me or use me for free food or my money, she has a heart, and in order to not feel guilty for accepting anything from me despite knowing full well she has no interest in me, she's rejecting anything I'm offering her and insisting that she doesn't leave here feeling like she's used me, mislead me, or taken advantage of me in any way. I get the message, I appreciate that, and with that said, we should part ways and move on to greener pastures.