How to handle this situation?

i like my friend and we get along great but she says that she wouldn't date me by saying I don't know you're a great guy but I just don't know what else to say but we flirt all the time in class. her father just passed away so I feel that I have to be there for her but I feel that since lately we seem to be distant at times that it would be in our best interest to just part ways all together with me saying if you decide you want to be friends like we were or date in the future we can chat but this is just too much drama for me to deal with?

ok how would you all handle my situation?


Most Helpful Guy

  • By saying "I don't know you're a great guy but I just don't know what else to say " I think she's saying she doesn't find you attractive. You have nice personality traits but you're just not attractive to her. Your flirting probably just provides her an ego boost.

    If you want this to go somewhere, you're going to need to start acting like a man. Be direct. Be a leader. Make plans and tell people what you expect. Basically, be bold without being an asshole. If you're the feelings/emotions expert of a relationship (the woman) what would she be?

    • What do you mean by Be direct. Be a leader. Make plans and tell people what you expect. Basically, be bold without being an asshole. what should I do? I agree with you saying she doesn't find me attractive and that bothers me that she won't say that to my face ( since I told her I wanted to know why).

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    • Very then I should just simply ignore her and be distant. but still remain a precsense around her in class. and probably just drop the whole subject like I don't give a damn?

    • The fact that you're in the same class makes it extremely difficult for you to get scarce. The idea is for her to notice the change in you, like how you'd notice with a friend you haven't seen in years.

      Frankly, you should just work on becoming more direct, assertive, and confident. Keep your eyes open for other girls and don't make the mistake the next time. Girls find it easy to talk to other girls, but in the end they generally don't date each other.


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What Girls Said 2

  • Dont hurt her, That will ruin all your chances. Look if you really like this girl then why can't you settle for being her friend? Wouldn't you rather have her in your life then not at all? If your getting hurt over this then just walk away start dating some girls get to busy for her it'll upset her and she might realize she wants to be with you. IF not then maybe you can realize there's someone else for you and just go back to being friends with her. good luck!

  • I've lived a situation like this - my guy friend is a REALLY great guy and has everything going for him but the chemistry just isn't there. Sounds like she needs a friend at this point in her life and you may not want to burden her with having to make a decision if she wants to date/just be friends with her father passing and all.


What Guys Said 3

  • A penguin is asking for advice Yay!

    Honestly mister penguin dude, I don't know what going on. Sounds like she just likes you as afriend and is really comfortable with you and that's why she flirts.

    My advice is to distance yourself from her, if she cares for you she will go after you. Then let her know how you feel about her. Its better to know for sure if she doesn't like you or does because you don't wanna be someones pet right?

    I mean I know you're a penguin and need someone to give you fishies, but there's better people out there okay? :)

    I love you :o

  • She doesn't find you attractive looking but likes having you as a friend. You need to back off trying to get her to be your girlfriend and just be friends with her. If that is too hard for you then tell her that you can't bottleup your feelings for her and think it would best if you don't see each other any more.

    • Do you think if I tell her that I don't think we should be friends anymore it might shake things up a bit between us? so basically just take my friendship off the table...and yea I see myself having a tough time just being a friend since we get along almost always and we would hang out with just the two of us a lot...

    • You shouldn't say that you don't want to be around her anymore to use it as leverage. If she doesn't want to be your boyfriend you aren't going to be able to coerce her into. Its a crappy situation but there's really not much you can do. At least if you back off and just be friends with her for the time being there is a small chance that her feelings for you could chance over time.

  • first, sorry for the loss the last thing she wants is to not have anybody there for her, now there should not be any flirting going on, its a funeral, its not appropriate

    and third...just give her time, she'll come to you if and when she wants to (as far as dating goes)

    • This started to happen before the loss. I'm thinking I should just delete her number but I still want to be there for her so its a real issue. then I miss the way we were friends before but id rather date her and I agree...i try not to flirt with her now but it seems that anything I do is perceived as asking her out...when its just mean to be just friends

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    • So you think just don't do anything? not contact her? kinda ignore her in class (though we sit next to each other --like 2 seats apart). what else should I do?

    • W/e comes natural