I'm 21 years old and have never had a boyfriend. Maybe it's because I always look serious and I'm not beautiful. Actually I'm very shy, but people often think that I'm cold. I simply don't know what to say, how to act around people. I don't have even a best friend. I do have classmates, but they only remember me when they need my help. Sometimes I feel really lonely. The problem is me? I'm scared that I'll never have someone who'll truly love me besides my family.
Most Helpful Guy
It's hard to answer your question based on what you've said; I'm in the dark drawing blanks like "Does she socialize" ; "Does she have an education" ; ... Basically, what makes you shy/etc?
My deepest root feeling is that; for everyone, there is this emotional energy within ourselves. Often times, that emotional energy wants to conform - to avoid any emotional turbulance from society/friends/etc.. But when we conform, we are not trying to live a different life, we try to do the same thing over and over - hoping to get different results. This is similar to your current situation (in my mind) because I often hear people say "i'm __ age, I have no ___ and I'm a ___".. This is a judgement based statement. Why not say: "I'm __ age, I have ___ and I want ___; why don't I already have it?"
The biggest part to overcoming shyness (aka insecurity) was for me, "stepping out of that emotional groove". Doing something I wouldn't normally do. For me, this was socializing. I took the initiative to go out and take part in dancing clubs/etc and eventually found people that helped me feel warm about my life. And now I can look back and see how those situations helped me grow. I may still feel a little insecure from time to time; but I have a better grasp on myself and what I want to do about my future.
Look up the terms:
- Internal locus of control
- External locus of control
Which are you?