I'm 21 years old and have never had a boyfriend, I'll ever have a boyfriend?

I'm 21 years old and have never had a boyfriend. Maybe it's because I always look serious and I'm not beautiful. Actually I'm very shy, but people often think that I'm cold. I simply don't know what to say, how to act around people. I don't have even a best friend. I do have classmates, but they only remember me when they need my help. Sometimes I feel really lonely. The problem is me? I'm scared that I'll never have someone who'll truly love me besides my family.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • It's hard to answer your question based on what you've said; I'm in the dark drawing blanks like "Does she socialize" ; "Does she have an education" ; ... Basically, what makes you shy/etc?

    My deepest root feeling is that; for everyone, there is this emotional energy within ourselves. Often times, that emotional energy wants to conform - to avoid any emotional turbulance from society/friends/etc.. But when we conform, we are not trying to live a different life, we try to do the same thing over and over - hoping to get different results. This is similar to your current situation (in my mind) because I often hear people say "i'm __ age, I have no ___ and I'm a ___".. This is a judgement based statement. Why not say: "I'm __ age, I have ___ and I want ___; why don't I already have it?"

    The biggest part to overcoming shyness (aka insecurity) was for me, "stepping out of that emotional groove". Doing something I wouldn't normally do. For me, this was socializing. I took the initiative to go out and take part in dancing clubs/etc and eventually found people that helped me feel warm about my life. And now I can look back and see how those situations helped me grow. I may still feel a little insecure from time to time; but I have a better grasp on myself and what I want to do about my future.

    Look up the terms:

    - Internal locus of control

    and

    - External locus of control

    Which are you?

    ~ ArtistBBoy

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    • Thank you for your answer. I'm vietnamese and I started studying at university in Russia 2 years ago. I live in a dorm with russian girls.

      I think I have an internal locus of control. I'm always nice to everyone and people often think that I am sociable when they first meet me. But gradually I don't know what to say to people, therefore they think that I'm cold.

What Guys Said 1

  • why do you think the reason is ? by the way we are your friends here

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    • Thank you, but I think online and offline friends are different.

    • i made a lot of friends here first then we hang out in real life

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