How can good guys have more luck in the dating world?

I've tried it all. tried showing girls that I'm the real deal, asking them on dates, going as far as to prove my feelings for them, online dating (which sucks). heck, I've even had girls online give me high ratings, only to not even reply to a short message/greeting. I'm not a guy to want casual sex, but part of me wonders how much successful I'd be, even online, if I were to simply put, looking for hookups or short term dating. I bet I'd get way more hits. shows what our worlds coming to right? :/

why does being a good guy have to be so difficult? it completely turns women off. it isolates you socially and shuts you off and away from women? when will it end? it's pretty discouraging and frustrating. our society, culture and public perception couldn't be more ass backwards from the way things should be.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • By abandoning traditionla dating nce and for all, Meet women on common ground, in a more 'organic' way, based on common interests and sharred experiences, not in a antiquated shopping mall relationship with all kinds of obstacles to really getting to know what kind of person they might be. Concentrate on women from cultures that don't have our highest-bidder kind of dating ritual.

    Free yourself from the dating world, in other words. Yes, the 'normal' dating world has it completely wrong, as you say.

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What Girls Said 7

  • I've tried online dating. The guys who message me for a hook up are blocked ASAP. Online dating isn't that serous. I 've heard it's hard for guys because they tend to outnumber women on these sites. With that said, I think you should continue to try it out and continue to be who you are. We all reach valleys and I mean deep deep valleys in our love lives. Trust me, I can attest to that completely. But you shouldn't been some sleazy perv just because you think they would have it easier. There is a stereotype of what guys are supposed to be like, but whatever. Didn't you know that stereotypes are meant to be broken?

    With that said, I think you need to refocus your priorities. Do things that make you feel good about yourself; go to the gym, hang with friends, and stop obsessing on whether or not the last guy finishes last. It least in 20 years you won't be that sleazy old dude who creeps everyone out by scoping out young chicks at the club. I can guarantee you that many of these guys you are describing, will be THAT guy in 20 years.

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    • right but where's the middle ground? why am I waiting for women? women should like me for who I am now. not after dating these sleazeballs until they want to "settle down" its ridiculous. I like having fun too. not sleazy fun, but fun regardless. I don't feel like there are any girls out there that like me. the only girls that talk to me are the kinds of girls I don't even like all that much. maybe as a friend, but even then. I wish more attractive women could appreciate me for who I am.

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    • you didn't answer my question. but whatever, I can see we're going in circles.

    • its not a double standard. there are attractive women and there are unattractive women. for guys its really that simple. for girls they have 1500 buttons you have to push to win them over and in the right order too I might add. a guy liking a girl is way different than a girl liking a guy. with guys its logical and simple. girls don't make sense. they'll date druggies or criminals and claim they're good men, when they're not (and over the real good men) in extreme cases. guys would never do that

  • tbh I would have discounted you because you did online dating. I guess if you stopped that (you wouldn't go back to it, ever) it would be alright. << personal preference, don't hate.

    Nothing wrong with being a good person. Just because you're good doesn't mean you're automatically desirable, there are definitely things you do that people will not like, we all have our preferences. It's just like even though some people are aholes, doesn't mean they can't get girls lol, there are things that make them desirable to naive people. :)

    If you really like yourself for who you are then stop trying to tell yourself that people don't like you, if they don't like you when you're really that good, why would you want to be with people who can't appreciate you?

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    • Also not everyone has the same standard of what a good guy is so describe yourself more and use that term less.

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    • *not being a social butterfly

    • and no a lot of virgin by choice girls just aren't that pretty or cool. its not the decision that unattractive. I'd be attracted to way more hot chicks if they had the same values as I did that's for sure, but they don't.

  • It's because hardly any girls share your values. Sex and relationships don't go hand in hand anymore. Society and our culture has practically ruined it. Now it takes a lot of searching, time and work to have a good, healthy relationship and sex life. Not very many people are willing to do the work. Values and morals have been trashed.

    I wish there were more guys like you. The world would be a better place.

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  • You're not a "good" guy... Look at all your responses below -- they are SO judgmental. You even go so far as to call people 'trashy' because of the decisions they make in THEIR lives. You are entitled to live your life however you want, by what ever morals and values you have... but a good guy would live his life how he wanted, without judging others for doing the same.

    A good guy would never make the comment "a lot of virgin by choice girls aren't pretty or aren't cool." First of all, they would never judge an entire group of people and they would never put them down... They would simply say something like "they don't seem to be for me.."

    Good guys don't say "hot chicks" in serious conversation.

    I really get the impression that you are a bit negative and maybe even a touch bitter. One thing I will say is, people, not even just girls, but people in general do not like to be surrounded by negative people.

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    • do you really think that I outright judge people? of course not. I'm saying these things for the sake of the argument. I'm stating exactly how the world is. maybe you should look around.

      ok... "they don't seem to be for me." is that better? I'm just making my point. if you actually knew me in person, you'd think I was the nicest guy in the world. everybody seems to think so, then doesn't ever talk to me again, especially girls. I have no hot friends. and it seems like every other guy does.

  • Stop using the nice guy thing as an excuse. It's a crock of sh*t. There is something else that is keeping you from getting girls. So sick of hearing guys whine about being nice doesn't get them girls. Maybe you come on too strong, maybe you don't come on strong enough, maybe your standards are too high, maybe you are not good looking, maybe you are awkward in your approach. I don't know but trust me it is not because you are nice.

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    • so why do girls think I'm cute but won't even respond to a simple "hey how are you?" you can't get cooler than that. my standards aren't to high. the worlds standards aren't high enough. that is exactly the problem. there are so many beautiful girls out there that have the lowest standards. they date the trashiest looking guys. why wouldn't they date someone classier? it makes no sense. my standards are just fine.

    • Beauty isn't just looks and beauty doesn't make them smart (can't be bothered to elaborate). I probably made an assumption of what you meant when you said beautiful but oh well :P. I think if someone was truly beautiful (character), they'd already know how to weed out the bad guys.

  • I will admit that people are a bit more loose with their dating lives but I also don't think that's the problem and that's the road you should head down either. It sounds like you're trying MUCH too hard and coming on MUCH too strongly. You want a girl who's in it for the long haul. That's great! So don't change your idea of dating to short term or hook-ups. Just be calmer with your approach and relax a bit. And, not to be mean, just to be honest, but you also sound very desperate, which may also be turning girls off. You don't need a girl NOW so just relax and wait until you think you've found a good one.

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    • well in my experiences I do come off much cooler at first. of course I get nervous asking a girl out. but in the past girls have led me on or have taken advantage of me and haven't put their money where their mouths are. so I try harder because I want answers. I want to just know. I want her to know that a relationship means something to me and I just want to know if she feels the same or not. because girls have given me enough room to wonder. they're so indecisive. it drives you crazy.

    • I get your frustrations. I still think that you shouldn't try so hard, though. And if girls take advantage of you because you're too nice of a guy then don't be so nice. Now I'm now saying be a total jerk. But just be wary b4 getting too generous, ya know? I hate to say it but people see nice and good as weaknesses and take advantage of those people a lot.

  • well the problem is that some GOOD GUYS are the boring ones. the ones that like to stay home and do nothing, that's how they never get into trouble by the way. Life is about balance, so the question is are girls laughing when they're around you? this should be a natural thing ... do you find yourself having a good, excellent fun time most of the time? can you handle a conversations without been to dry? when you ask girls out is it in a friendly manner or does it sound like your about to propose? and if your being too direct it can sometimes sound creepy... my best advise try to be more playful... I have a friend who is a really good guy but he's just too slow he said it took him a month before he kiss the girl who he was dating... and when he had a dating website his message to the girls was "this is my number ###### call me love to talk to you" that's creepy... I hope this help I really want you find love... if you think your doing things right and your not so boring just go out more make more friends be more outgoing and when you least expected you will find the lucky one. =)

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    • that's what I find ridiculous about girls. they expect to be kissed so soon. I don't even know if I'd like a girl yet on a first or second date or whatever and it's like they want to be having sex by the end of the week. I don't even want to have sex until I know I'm with the right girl, and you know for sure when you're married. I wish more women allowed men to take it slow and not subject themselves to being taken advantage of by men so soon. that's exactly why so many guys "hit and quit."

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    • Like you said, our culture/perception couldn't be more backwards so I assume with a view like sex after marriage you're going to chop out a tonne of the population. :P Good thing for you though, need a girl with the same values.

    • yes but that doesn't mean I should have to settle for a girl I'm not attracted to. most virgin by choice girls are rather unattractive.

What Guys Said 2

  • I really don't know. I'm the same way, I don't want to have sex with anyone untill I'm in a relationship with them, and I don't want to start a relationship unless I think it can work out.

    I'm starting to think that everyone just wants to pleasure themselves NOW and that they aren't thinking about the future or anything like that. depresses the f*** out of me.

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    • same here dude. what surprises me is how a lot of guys say that they see a hot woman and immediately think "sex". then they say they wouldn't marry her. whenever I see a hot woman that pushes my buttons I'll want to "wife" her. I just expect her to be humble (when women of that sort usually aren't). I just wish more people thought on our wavelength. about the future. less on the now.

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    • No we don't want to wife everyone, that's what you don't get, I just don't want to f*** everyone I see. I want to have sex if I think a relationship may work, not just walk around like an animal, f*** everything I see, and not give a f*** about the damage I cause. I don't imagine being married to be all ponies and f***ing rainbows you twat, I just don't want to have sex with someone that I can't trust farther than I can throw her.

    • If she's trustworthy and I like her and she wants sex and isn't f***ing anyone else, then yeah, I will probably have sex with her. But I'm not going to step down to most guys levels and be a half raping dildo that will allow anyone to use them and toss them in the garbage whenever they please.

      Next time, don't judge me or anyone like be in such a way you f***ing prick.

  • Look up Doc Love. Do everything he says.

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