Girls, WHY do you think you or other girls lose interest when a guy is being too "nice&sweet"?

It's definitely been proven to every guy 1st hand that being too "nice&sweet" to girls greatly reduces his odds of keeping a girl's interest

Also, that is better to be a little too mean, than a little too nice.

Luckily I learned this early in life.

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To the girls you ask...WHY do you think that a guy being REALLY nice and REALLY sweet makes you / other girls LOSE interest in that guy?

Of course I can theorize forever...but why do that when I ask you girls on this site directly? :)

Feel free to be detailed and to use yourself or others as examples in your answer...and go anonymous if you feel you need that "security bubble" to answer the way you want.

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Thanks for the knowledge! :)


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Being nice and sweet are fine ... but they aren't enough to carry a girl's interest. A guy needs the traits that spur attraction as well... fitness/humor/playfulness/interesting dialogue. The girl never LOST interest in the guy. He just never had it. He was trading favors for the illusion of having it, in some cases.

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What Girls Said 9

  • My boyfriend is the sweetest guy I know, and that's WHY I'm with him. But I guess it's possible to have too much of a good thing. Maybe if a guy goes overboard, girls end up feeling like he's not independent enough or not very interesting as an individual. If a guy is nice, that's good, but if he's nice and that's all there is to him, it's not so good. I couldn't be with a guy who I didn't see as kind and sweet, but they also need to have more to them- a sense of humor, interests, hobbies, etc. If you're overly nice and you don't have other strong characteristics, the niceness can sort of wash you out and make you seem like a doormat. That's my take on it.

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  • Oh! Oh! Pick me! I know this!

    No, seriously. Listen up.

    Girls want a nice guy, and what they mean is a "kind" guy. But unfortunately, many "nice" guys are one or more of the following:

    1) Passive-aggressive

    2) Insincere

    3) Play the victim

    4) Expect a supermodel and criticize a girl's figure with backhanded compliments

    5) Guilt the girl for not being "grateful" for his niceness

    6) Are not nice to be nice, are only nice to get into a girl's pants

    7) Whiny

    8) Dependent and expect the girlfriend to replace his mother

    9) Act like a girl is automatically a b-word because she isn't into him

    10) Are sexist and think women are not as smart, responsible, etc. as men

    The only difference between a "nice guy" and a jerk is that a jerk is confident and open about being a jerk. The nice guy is nauseatingly dishonest about being a jerk, treats a girl like a jerk indirectly, then whines about how he can't get a girl because he's so nice.

    If you were a girl and a guy is going to treat you badly anyway, would you rather be with the honest jerk or the slimy nice guy worm? I would much rather have the outright jerk.

    Ideally, girls want a strong, confident, honest, and truly kind man. At least, that's what I want.

    If you want more information about "nice guy syndrome", please visit the website Heartless B's International (use the real word, not my euphemism).

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    • i know all about that site. :-D

      True fact: looking up "nice guys finish last" is how I found this site. :-D

    • Success! So glad you know about that. More guys need to be informed so that they don't make the "nice guy" mistake. People with the "nice guy" attitude just shouldn't date. Period.

    • best answer

  • because what a guy thinks is being "nice and sweet" often comes off as smothering and overbearing. it's like trying too hard and makes you lose your mystery. people often become suspicious when someone is overly obsequious in trying to gain your approval

    and its not about being nice and sweet because you can def do that and it will be appreciated. its just that some of you go overboard and lose your testosterone in the process. I don't want a guy who kisses my ass and asks "how high" when I say jump. I want him to be considerate of me yet still have a mind of his own and not be soft or weak

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    • When it comes to your last sentence...do you find it easy, or difficult, to find that combination of traits in a guy?

  • When a guy is all over me, it makes me uncomfortable. I'm a very independent person. I said it pretty well in another answer; I like to know you can live without me. I don't want to feel committed to you, or feel that I have to be committed to you before I'm ready. Making it seem like you're dependent on me or I'm the best thing in your life is too much responsibility too early on. I have so many other responsibilities, I don't want to make you one of them. I should enjoy seeing you and talking to you, not feel obligated.

    Also, when he's too nice, he tends to lose his sense of humor. My sense of humor is very dry, sometimes biting and sarcastic. I like a guy who can go back and forth with me. If he's too nice, the first thing I say seems to wound him, and he never comes back at me. Like PoeticNinja said, they're too fragile. I need a guy who can match my bull-headed personality.

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  • I should also add that "nice guys" often go overboard with sweet gestures, making the acts all the more cloying. Then, on top of that, they often will not put effort into relationship like the girl. SHE often has to take the role of the old-fashioned man (making all the plans, etc.) when she doesn't want an imbalanced relationship, she wants mutual, equal power with her man.

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  • It's not that they're too sweet or nice.

    They're fragile. In my opinion. (Not enough testosterone)

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  • If I lose interest in a guy, it is never because he is too sweet/nice. There is no such thing in my books.

    I will use my ex as an example. He was good looking, nice, we had lots in common. As time passed he started revealing something to me that I just couldn't put up with. His eating habits weren't the healthiest and it caused him to have the rankest gas I have ever smelled. This guy put my brothers ass to shame. This wasn't a once in a while thing, he farted constantly and it was his diet that caused it. I talked to him about it but he refused to eat healthy because he said it was boring. I had to break up with him because how can I kiss a guy when I am suppressing my gag reflex because I can't handle the smell in the air. I was no longer physically attracted to him. According to his friends, he believes that I broke up with him because he is too nice. What can I say guys will keep using that as an excuse to see the real story.

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    • LOL! Thank you for the laugh; farts of death hehehe xD

    • LOL I went anon because it's a very embarrassing story for me but true.

    • Better than my ex stories :) Teehee

  • Well its a sign of us being able to get you. We think we want that feeling but we really don't. Some girls can't understand that. For some reason that I don't even know, we like the feeling of being ignore, and then a day later you come to us. It makes us want you more, I don't know why.

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  • Been too nice and sweet doesn't seem assertive and strong to some women, almost too passive. Women don't like push overs; guys she can make do whatever she wants.

    Don't be a jerk by any means. Be like a zen kung fu master, if you know what I mean.

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What Guys Said 0

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