Can you get back someone you lost due to lack of appreciation?

Hello GAG, my girlfriend of one year broke up with me a month back saying that she just wasn't happy and felt as if I didn't appreciate her. She said she felt like she had invested so much into our relationship and had lost who she was and wanted time to figure herself out.

Background:

We first met about four years ago when we went to the same high school. We began hooking up occasionally, and had on and off flings for years. Over these years it became apparent that she had really fallen for me. We became so comfortable in bed with each other and sex between us has always been AMAZING. Although we were always more than friends, we never officially dated. She was such a sweet girl but for some reason I never had the urge to date her.

For a while we didn't see each other as much when she moved an hour away after graduating high school. She had had other dates throughout our "relationship" but her and her friends always admitted it was me she truly wanted to be with. Until one day I saw she was now in an official relationship with a new man. This hurt me much more than I would have thought. We still came in contact and I confessed to her how I felt. She was upset and told me she couldn't believe I wanted her now when she was in another relationship. Regardless, we continued to talk occasionally and be there for each other (She talked to me about the problems they were having and I looked to her for support as I went through my parents divorce).

She seemed bored in the relationship and they one day called it quits. She came over to spend the night and enjoy my company. We cuddled and I comforted her. One thing led to another, and we ended up having sex. It was the first time in a while and to this day that may have been the most passionate sex I've (we've) ever had. After that night and how supportive she had been for me through my hard times, I realized we did have the potential to be great together and decided to give it a go. We dated all summer, and things seemed to be going good. I will admit that I did see a small problem with her being slightly clingy. She had wanted this for a while and looking back I feel like she kind of tried to rush my feelings to match hers. This problem became more noticeable when I started attending a real university (rather than CC) and now also feared commitment. She tried so hard to make our relationship work. She was over everyday and seemed to have devoted all her effort to me. Things got even rockier after I cheated on her over Christmas break. She forgave me and allowed me a second chance. She was so into me that I feared breaking her heart, besides I knew I had her after all these years. I began to neglect her feelings and didn't show her I appreciated the many little things she did for me. She began to act differently over the last two months before our breakup, hanging out with friends more, going out alone and getting really drunk, flirting with other guys on twitter.seecomment

Updates:
Missed signs she wasn't happy. Always convinced she loved me and never leave. She brokedown to my friend month before breakup, crying, telling how she just wanted us to be better,she loved me so much, more than she ever thought was imaginable, she wanted to marry me and have my children. One day texts me, says she needs time 2 work on herself. Get 2nd chance and was TOO nice and showered her in affection. Texted me 2 days later and said she lost spark. W/ new guy, Will I get her back?
I feel like I won't but I see things and have hope. She tweeted at a picture of my puppy 2 days after breaking up with me, she came over to buy a concert ticket from a friend and texted me asking if she could come inside to get it, texted me the day after another event we both attended asking if I had a good time (but after we each said we enjoyed ourselves and I said "oh that's good to hear" she never respond ?), she's posted song lyrics from Lucky by Jason Maraz, which is about waiting 4 one
She told me she loved me and always will love me when she dumped me but that she just didn't have that spark she once had. A week after the breakup she was tweeting about "how happy she was"and "not a worry in the world". Now three weeks later she's dating someone else and always tweets about doing stuff with him and how great he is. They seem really happy, but at times it almost seems inflated. Like how can they be that into each other in 2-3 weeks? They use the word love, hang out everyday

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Most Helpful Girl

  • To put it short, you blew it. She spent not just the time you were "officially dating" trying to make it work, she spent YEARS invested in you trying to make it work. The only time you were really into her is when you thought you couldn't have her anymore. When you finally did, you blew it with the cheating and neglect.

    If you truly love her, you'll let her go. She deserves better, and I suspect you only want her back because you can't have her again. If you got back into the relationship, you would probably cheat and neglect her again. She's wasted so many years on you, not that this was all entirely your fault, but let her be happy now elsewhere. You obviously cannot give her what she needs even if right now you want to.

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    • Well I appreciate the honesty (brutal or not). That's what I have feared, because I'm sure now I'm a total regret and she probably hates the fact she wasted so much of her time trying to make it work. The only reason I feel it could work again is because I have learned a lot from this and have been out trying to improve myself. She's very dear to me and I fear ill never find someone who adores me like she did. I would never be unfaithful with another girlfriend ever again, as it lost me my love

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    • That sounds very similar to my situation, I just feel like there's something between us that I can't explain. It's like we're inseparable, we've grown apart many times and always seemed to end up back together...but I fear that she always returned for she had hope that we would someday be, but now I wonder if any part of her heart deep down would even still want that...hopefully heart still may but head says no...I really can't believe I was this nieve to let this happen

    • Things got very confusing when she texted me today. She texted me and said hey, we each wished the others mom a happy mothers day, she asked me how I was, talked about summer, then said "I'll let you go, I just figured I'd see how things are going, glad everything's good!" I said thanks I appreciate it I'll talk to you later"..so my question is, why would she bother to text me? Its been two weeks since last talked, she had a boyfriend and says she loves him on twitter. Did I play it right?

What Girls Said 1

  • A girl will do everything to make you feel her love but when she feels that she is taken for granted and when another guy who treats her better comes in, most likely she'll not get back with the one who broke her heart.

    I was once in this situation, I hinted that I was unhappy, lied to myself so I can feel better,but when I ran out of excuses to lie to myself (4 mths of hoping period), my heart broke, got too disappointed and decided to call it off. I came to realize how insignificant I was to him, and I can be happier being single. He was desperately trying to get me back for a one mth after our breakup but it was no use because when a girl is disappointed, she'll just bury the feelings away. I focused on my job and happy that we can still be friends after. At least it was a lesson for him to learn, pls cherish your love while you can.

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    • I know it's just a really sh*tty way to learn a lesson, it sucks to see all your mistakes but know that most likely nothing you say or do will ever show how truly sorry I am. I feel she would only ever consider it if I somehow showed her I was a different person and had matured, but I'd still have to win her heart back

    • Things got very confusing when she texted me today. She texted me and said hey, we each wished the others mom a happy mothers day, she asked me how I was, talked about summer, then said "I'll let you go, I just figured I'd see how things are going, glad everything's good!" I said thanks I appreciate it I'll talk to you later"..so my question is, why would she bother to text me? Its been two weeks since last talked, she had a boyfriend and says she loves him on twitter. Did I play it right?

    • Did she say she love you and still miss u? Hmm because from what you mentioned it seems like she just wanna be nice and see how you are doing.. That's what I did with my ex too even after I have a bf.. I still care for him as a fren but ntg more anymore..

What Guys Said 3

  • Never listen to the positive things women tell you. Bottomline their actions. No... you can never get them back.

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  • How do you fall for a women who you had a fling with... move on she is using twitter to make you jealous... stop following her

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    • Why try and make me jealous? She told me she didn't want to be with me anymore

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    • dude lol... your not getting the point... why are you fighting the truth

    • I know the truth, I know she's over me, I know she'll most likely never come back...to be honest I'm just having a hard time accepting this, I had her affection for a long time

  • It's always about the signs that you missed. You need to backtrack exactly what caused those signs to occur in the first place

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