This is such a tricky situation...
I'd been thinking about this girl I hadn't seen in a few years, we worked together and I always really liked just being around her. At the time we got along really good and I thought there was something there but she had a bf. Well I mentioned her to a mutual friend this week and found out her boyfriend just killed himself within the last few weeks.
I had already intended to go home and find her on Facebook or Myspace, and still did but I didn't mention that I'd heard what happened. She wrote me that she was really glad I found her, and that she was okay but had been better. I told her I'd heard about it, and then just kind of told her a few funny stories about people she knows, assuming she needs someone around who isn't trying to make her talk about it. I've told her I'm there if she needs someone to talk to, and then I left it at that.
She's an amazing girl and like I said, she'd been on my mind because I'd been thinking "I really want this girl back in my life." Obviously I wouldn't be trying to get myself into this mess if it was just a casual "She's pretty cool, I'd date her" situation.
I know it's inappropriate to think about asking her to do something with me now (even just as friends), and I respect that, but I still know I like her and at some point it'll be okay to ask her out. But when? I feel like a jerk to even be asking it, but I want to know what girls (or guys) say.
I'm really NOT trying to be disrespectful about what happened. I'm trying to just be honest with myself (and you), and it's one of those situations where I'm too caught up on it to see clearly. To be honest, I'm willing to give her all the time she needs and even just be friends at first...but I'd hate to be SO respectful that it backfires...
So yeah, I'd appreciate hearing what anyone thinks
Most Helpful Girl
I have some first hand experience to share. I lost my husband 6 months ago. I am just now considering hanging out with new people and I don't have any desire for a close relationship with anyone. I just want friends. She will need a lot of time to herself to sort things out. I ran into a guy I had a crush on in high school the day after my husband died. I always kept him in the back of my mind thinking "yea, I would like to hang out with him, you never know" and I am just now slowly beginning to get to know him. People would always try to keep me occupied, cheer me up, etc but honestly I just wanted to be on my own most of the time. It's really weird what you have to go through. You have to figure out who you are without that other person. Give her lots of space and just pop into her life every once in a while to say hi and give her a smile. That's it. Let her do everything in her own time and don't get worried about stuff because she still has a lot to go through. Even when you think "oh, she seems fine now. I think she's over it." don't be surprised when her attitude or mood changes suddenly. She knows where to find you when she's ready. Let me know if I can help more.
On a lighter note, I found myself extremely horny. haha. Of course, I didn't want random hookups so after about 4 months I found a very nice FWB.1